Check it Off the Bucket List: My Trip to Wrigley Field

OK, kids, this is going to be a big one. Make sure you have some time...of course, a lot of it will be pictures, so it won't be too bad.

Yes, this is my play-by-play of my first trip to Chicago...and WRIGLEY FIELD!

Enjoy!

It's always been my dream. Wrigley...the ivy...the seats on the buildings across the street...Waveland Ave...the friendly confines...the Chicago Cubs. My brother, Andy and I grew up watching the Cubs. We always made plans to go, but never followed through. As you faithful readers know, it was Becky that pushed my hand and bought me tickets to the game for Father's Day...and our Anniversary (they were AWESOME seats, hence the need to spread the tickets to two special days.)

I picked Andy up Thursday afternoon, and we were off. The game was Friday, but I wanted to get there, get a hotel room, check out the area and make sure we: 1. didn't have to drive in Chicago at night, and 2. weren't late to the game.

I have a phobia of big cities, one that is getting WAY better since my Aunt Mary Ann introduced me to Mandy...Mandy being the voice that directs me on my TomTom GPS, of course! (a special thanks to you, Aunt Mary Ann, I don't know what I'd do without TomTom!!) I was fully expecting to be totally stressed the last 20 minutes of the trip, but with Mandy leading the way, it was smooth sailing! Our hotel was .4 miles from Wrigley, close to Lake Michigan, so it was very scenic driving in, which was nice. I quickly noted that Chicago was one of the "cleanest dirty cities" I've been to. (it is downtown in a big city after all.)

After a few minutes, Mandy informed us we had reached our destination. There was one problem...we didn't see our hotel! We drove down the road and stopped at a Walgreens. It was for the best, as I needed some deodorant, and Andy needed a restroom. I asked the guy at the counter, who was EXTREMELY nice, where the hotel was, and he directed me to it. I grabbed the deodorant and a cool Cubs batting helmet pen holder (on sale for 50% off $15) and started to check out.

Walgreens Guy: "I'll sell you a second helmet for 3.50 if you want another one."

Me: "SOLD!"

Walgreens Guy: "Good, I'm tired of looking at those things!"

Already the Chicagoians (or is it Chicagoites??) were proving to be nice people!

We backtracked right to our hotel. The hotel had no parking, but there was a parking garage next door attached to the hotel. In doing my research, I noticed that was where we needed to park, so I pulled in. The sign ahead of us read:

STOP! LEAVE KEYS IN THE CAR AND WE WILL PARK IT FOR YOU.

I looked cautiously at Andy, and sat unsure of what to do. I wasn't about to just leave my car without talking to someone. After about 10 seconds, an attendant came out and gave me a ticket. I gave him the keys, grabbed our stuff and left the car in his hands.

Not to worry, the hotel attendant assured me that was the way it works. I felt better. The attendant checked us in (he was very polite, too!!) and we went to our room. We made a quick call to our lady folk, and set off to walk over to Wrigley Field to take some photos and map our route for the next day's game.

As we turned the corner onto Addison, I asked Andy if we were going the right direction as I starred at the map.

Andy: "Um, yeah, I think so..." he said as he tapped my arm and pointed up ahead. There, in front of us in the distance was Wrigley Field!


(The scoreboard from outside of Wrigley Field.)


(Harry Carey statue with Wrigley in the background.)


(Ernie Banks statue.)


(The famous Wrigley Field sign.)

We made a lap around the entire stadium, taking it all in. I touched one of the outside walls and just couldn't believe I was there. At one point, we could see through to the inside of Wrigley Field! We both, without hesitation, took a quick glance and turned away.

Andy looked at me and said just what I was thinking..."we shouldn't look, I don't want to spoil it for tomorrow." He was right...taking that glance made me feel guilty. We needed to wait.

We walked down North Clark to Palermo's "Red Ivy" restaurant, a place that specialized in Chicago Style Deep-Dish Pizza. You can't go to Chicago and not have Deep-Dish Pizza, right? We were met by the third, and maybe the most, friendly Chicagoian, our waitress, Karissa. We ordered a large pizza, and she quickly informed us that we didn't want the large, we probably wanted the small.

Me: "I don't know, we are pretty big guys!"

Karissa: "Trust me, you don't want the large!"

We compromised and ordered the medium. She informed us it would be 45 minutes to cook the pizza, it was very thick after all. Andy and I chatted about sports, and watched the football game preview while we waited, which was nice because I don't get to talk to Andy as much as I would like, and the dude is an encyclopedia of Sports knowledge. Easily the most knowledgeable sports fan I know!

Then the pizza arrived. Now I'm one to admit when I am wrong, and Karissa, if you are reading this by some odd coincidence, I WAS WRONG! That pizza was HUGE!


(The pizza. Medium. REAL mozzarella cheese. EASILY the BEST PIZZA I have ever had!! I highly recommend Palermo's "Red Ivy" Italian Restaurant.)

We waddled back to the room, was talked out of a few bucks by guys on the street (I'm an easy target!) and watched the Steelers beat the Titans (then watched the 1990 Bulls beat the Cavs...it was 24 hours of Jordan on the Chicago channel to commemorate MJ's being inducted to the Hall of Fame.)

FRIDAY

I woke up too early and we had to sit around the room and wait. We had the continental breakfast and watched the Bulls take the Lakers in game 5 of the Championships for their first title. At 10, we headed towards Wrigley for the 1:20 game. I wanted to get there, walk around, see batting practice, and just enjoy the whole experience.

It was a sea of Cubs blue and it was awesome! When we finally made it in, we walked the corridors of the friendly confines and found a tunnel to our seats. When we emerged from the tunnel, the sun shone through the blue sky onto the playing field. I almost cried. Here are some pics:


(View from behind home plate.)


(Shot of the Wrigley scoreboard and ivy on the outfield wall.)

As we made our way around, we finally found our section, #34. I showed the guy our tickets and he took us down to our seats...we got closer, and closer, and CLOSER! We were indeed in the front row on the first base side. FRONT ROW!! Wow, Becky really hooked us up!!


(View of the visiting Reds dugout from our seats. Yep, we were THAT close!)


(Andy in front of the dugout.)


(Andy and I with the scoreboard in the background.)


(Various Red's players including Bronson Arroyo.)


(Red's player graciously chatting with a dad and his kids. Signed some stuff for them, too!)


(Adam Rosales, Reds #23)


(Announcer's booth.)


(Close up of the Scorebard. Welcome to Wrigley Field indeed!)

Now it's important at this point to point out how close we were to the Red's bullpen. (See next photo.)


(#33 Micah Owings warming up...don't know why, he wasn't pitching.)

When Owings was finished warming up, the bullpen catcher left the ball sitting on the field about 15 feet in front of us. (see next photo.)


(See that ball sitting at the top of the picture on the left??)

The catcher left and the ball sat there, taunting me. I wanted that ball! Just then, the Crowd Management guy came out and stood right in front of the ball. I jumped at the chance.

Me: "Excuse me, sir...can I have that ball for my son?"

Him: "Sorry, I can't give the balls away, but instead of kicking it back onto the field, I'll leave it there, and if a player comes by, ask them. They can give it to you."

I felt defeated, but I still had hope. And then, this guy came towards the ball.



(Darnell McDonald, #16.)

Me: "Excuse me, sir...can I have that ball?"

Without saying a word, he scooped it up and tossed it to me. I couldn't believe I was holding a ball used by the players, FROM WRIGLEY FIELD!!


(My Wrigley Field ball...complete with a Wrigley Field grass stain!!)

NOTE: Thank you Mr. McDonald...I know I had Cubs stuff on, and most of your teammates were throwing balls to Reds fans, but you don't know how much it means to me to have this priceless momento from Wrigley Field! You are my new favorite Red of all-time! Move over Johnny Bench!!


(Craig Tatum, um, stretching. Ouch!)


(Putting down the lines, old school style!)


(Not sure who #31 is for the Reds...anyone? NOTE: Talked to Andy, #31 is Johnny Gomes...)


Craig Tatum in the bullpen.)


(#31 again - Johnny Gomes - and #19 Joey Votto.)


(Joey Votto)


(Shot of the field during the National Anthem.)


(Close up of Derrek Lee.)


(Another one of D. Lee.)


(Cubs starter, Rich Harden.)


(Close up of the ivy in left field.)


(Close up of the Reds' Joey Votto and the Cubs' Aramis Ramirez.)

I'm not going to bore you with game stats and such, I'll simply let the next picture do the talking!!


(YES, CUBS WIN!! 6 to 4.)

Some stuff to note:

1. Geovany Soto, the Cubs catcher, hit a home run...which was cool to see.
2. Andy predicted before the game, and then again before his at bat that the Reds' Jonny Gomes would hit a home run. He did.
3. In long standing Wrigley Field tradition, the fan who caught that home run ball threw it back!! Way to go!!
4. I said "this is awesome" about 10,000 times...it was, after all, AWESOME!!
5. I got to sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" (a Wrigley Field 7th Inning Stretch tradition) with my brother!!
6. I got a freakin' ball!!
7. As we were leaving, we noticed a group of people gathered around a parking lot...the player's parking lot!! We saw Jake Fox leave, we saw Cubs legend Ron Santos, and I was a chain link fence thickness away from former player and Cubs commentator Bob Brenly!! I always wondered what I would do if I was that close to a "famous" person. Would I get an autograph? Tell him he should be the next Cubs manager? Nope, I just walked by and laughed like a little school girl with my brother about how "we just saw Bob Brenly!!"

We made our way back to the hotel, retreived our car (no, the mileage wasn't all jacked up like when Ferris Bueller took Cameron's dad's car to Chicago either, I checked!!) and we drove home, happy. (Unhappy that it took us two hours to go 40 miles to get past Gary, but it was rush hour on Friday!)

ALSO NOTE: For there being 40,000 fans in attendance, I can't believe how easy it was to get out of the stadium, and Chicago. There is hardly any parking around Wrigley (except a $50 lot next to the field, and $20 to park at McDonalds across the street!) Where do they all come from?!? I know, most walk, get bussed in, or take the Subway, but still, 40,000?!?

And, in case you were wondering, yes, I TiVo'd the game...and YES, we were on tv...check out a few shots of us!!


(Us, tiny. Click picture to enlarge so you can see the arrows. I'm on the left, Andy the right.)


(We're getting closer!!)

And, then, the money shot. Joey Votto fowled one over towards us...a broken bat softy...


(I'm in the green, in case you can't read the arrows.)


(No, those are NOT my arms flailing around!!)


(As close as the tv showed us!! Pretty awesome, though!!)

In the end, we spent a lot of money (thanks, dad for hooking us up!!) and we had, you guessed it, AN AWESOME TIME!! Love you Chicago, love you Cubs!!

The Universe is Watching

Well, kids, it's my last day of Two-a-Days, and just when I thought no one noticed I didn't blog at all yesterday (ya'll did notice, right?), along came this little reminder that the universe is always watching...



First time EVER I actually cracked open a double yolker!! Crazy, I tell you.

Hope you enjoyed Two-a-Days...I'll try to blog more, I really will!

Practice!!

Went down to the 'Burg tonight to "watch" Becky's women's league volleyball team practice. Well, it went quickly from "watching" to playing as nobody showed up to practice against them except for my dad...

So, we played 2 on 5. What a workout that was! Dad and I handled them for the first two games, then went on a three game losing streak as the women worked the court on us, and totally took advantage of us having 2 people. I was running all over the place, and Dad was working equally as hard just trying to run down my bad passes caused by half exhaustion, half great serving from Becky's team. We did manage to take game 6...but only barely!

I am hopeful they will have a great season this year. They look strong.

Wipeout!!

Whilst going over the yard sale items with Becky's co-worker, Hendrix decided he wanted to walk down her slightly sloped, paved driveway. Well, it started as a walk...then a jog, a run, and a wipeout!

I tried to get some photos of the damage, but most of them are blurry...kids are quick, ya know!

(click on photos to enlarge)


(See the poor guy's head!! NOTE: sorry about the incorrect date on the first few photos...)


(Waving to the camera.)


(Clapping...we were listening to a song on the MP3 player that was "live" and the audience began clapping, which makes Hendrix clap!)


(Reaching for the camera.)


(I don't know what he's doing here...I guess he wanted me to stop!)


(A decent still shot.)


(Once again, trying to stop me!)

This isn't his first fall, he did this to his lip back in July...


(See his busted lip? He fell on a register crawling to his room for a diaper change...poor guy!)


(Doesn't seem to affect his monster face, though!! Scary!!)


(Still a cutie, even with a busted lip!)

HELP - Yard Sale Advice

Help me out blogger friends...

I have agreed to host a yard sale for a co-worker of Becky's. I have to organize the whole thing, get stuff out, arrange, sale, etc. etc. My problem is this:

How much do I charge for this service?

If I go with a percentage of the profits, and the profits are low, then I get next to nothing. If I go for a set rate, and the profits are low, then I would feel bad for the lady.

I'm not sure what to do...any advice?

Wrigley Field

There aren't very many things that I would put on a "Bucket List" for myself...that is a list of things I would like to see or do before I "kick the bucket." But one of the top ones would be to see a Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley Field. Since my brother and I were kids, we loved the Cubs and the Reds, mainly because we lived in Indiana, and those were the teams that we could actually watch on tv (having grown up in a time before there were a thousand channels and 24 hour a day Sports Center.)

But the Cubs were always the main team for us. I can remember the 1989 Cubs who were set to go to the World Series...but fell short in the NLCS Championship game to the Giants...the 2003 Bartman Incident...and all the crushing seasons in between when the Cubs broke my heart.

Back to the subject.

I never thought I would ever go, mainly because of my fear of the big cities. But all that changed when I opened my first Father's Day gift. Becky gave me the box, and I quickly opened it to find...

A bag of peanuts. What?? Wait there is a second box!! It's...

Crackerjacks?? What the heck is going on here?!? Ah, an envelope!!

That's where the actual present was. A ticket to Wrigley Field!! I am going to the Cubs game!! But, wait...one ticket?!?

Seems Becky didn't want to spend a lot for Father's Day, so she only bought one ticket.

Ah, but our Anniversary is coming up, she said as she pulled a second ticket from behind her back. She said she didn't want to go because of Hendrix, so I asked the person who is the biggest baseball fan (and Cubs fan, besides me) that I know. My brother. He accepted.

September 11th, Andy and I will be at Wrigley Field, enjoying some hot dogs and the glow of the Ivy on the outfield walls. Not to mention the FANTASTIC SEAT Becky got for us.



OK, you see the teal colored section behind the visitors dugout? Well, we aren't sitting there...we will actually be in the PINK section NEXT TO the Visitors dugout. IN THE FIRST ROW OF THE PINK SECTION!! That's right...I know you're jealous!!

We will be arriving early for Batting Practice, try to score some autographs, and we will be getting LOTS of great pics to share. Make sure you come back after Sept 11th to see it all, and here about the fun trip I'm sure we are going to have!!

Hendrix's First Haircut - 14 Months

Becky and I decided it was finally time to get our little boy's hair cut. It was getting really long and curly, which was SOOO cute, but, still, it was getting a bit unruly. Hendrix and I walked next door (we live next to a Beauty Shop, and talked to Betty about cutting his hair. She quickly agreed that he needed one, and offered up a free cut, since it was his first.

Me: "So, what percentage of your baby's first haircuts cry?"

Betty: "100%"

Yikes, I really wasn't sure if I was ready for this or not. I mean, on one hand, maybe she's just saying that so I don't feel bad if Hendrix does cry...on the other, Hendrix probably will cry. Ugh...

So, Saturday morning, Hendrix slept in (which is RARE) and we had 15 minutes to get him breakfast, and walk next door for the 8 am appointment. No problem there, but would he behave in the chair? Only one way to find out!


(We put him in the chair, and he seemed like he was going to do well!)


(Another "BEFORE" shot.)


(The bangs go first!)


(A little side work.)


(Rubbing the hair from his eyes...so far, so good!)


(Still smiling! But the dreaded buzz clippers were coming up next...Betty warned us a lot of kids freak out with the buzz clippers!)


(But not Hendrix! He even held them and helped Betty cut his sideburns!)


(Squinting, but not crying!!)


(Yay! He made it through with no tears!! I guess it's not a 100% cry fest after all!)


(We couldn't leave without cleaning up a little!)

So, the first haircut as a success. The haircut was a bit choppy, but it was his first, so we'll let it slide. Hopefully he will continue to behave, but I won't count on it.

Tis the Season

Hello again, friends! (Or those of you who are just passing by.) It is football season once again, and that, coupled with the fact that I have been slacking in the blog department means only one thing...

It's time for Two-A-Days!!

That's right, kids, for the next 5 days, I will be churning out two blogs a day to make you laugh, cry, smile, or maybe throw up in your mouth a little, who knows.

So, without further ado, let's get started with Two-A-Days!!

Much love,
Tony

Hendrix Dylan's One Year Pictures

Michael, Ebay and Me - How I Let $150 Slip Through My Fingers

With the passing of a celebrity comes a window of time where products from the celebrity have a sudden price spike on Ebay. It's a small window, but it is there. The higher the level of celebrity, the higher the spike. Back when Heath Ledger died, I sold a Rolling Stone mag with him on it for $12, now, you could pick that same mag up for $1 or less. Is this exploiting the dead? Yes, unfortunately, but it's a good way, in a bad economy, to make a little extra cash. Do I feel good about doing it? No. I just keep telling myself it's a way to get the fans of the celebrity the product they want, in their time of grief.

Ugh...I know, it's awful. Anyway...

Michael Jackson is HUGE internationally, and his fame in the States has gone up with his passing. I checked my collection and quickly found 2 lp's from the King of Pop, Thriller and Bad, SEALED! I had already let 3 days pass, so the window was nearly shut on my making top dollar. I had to act fast.

I listed the pair of lp's together for $350 or best offer, hoping to maybe get in the $200 range for them that same day. Within the hour, I had my first interest. A gentleman from the UK wanted to know what my low number was. Since the auction had just began, I told him $300...I must have scared him off, as he never responded. Oh, well, I was confident there would be more offers.

But there wasn't. Not that day anyway. The next day, I finally received an offer...$150. I was excited about the offer, as I knew I only spent $10 or less for both of these records when I bought them, but I knew the records should be getting more, as research showed Thriller itself was selling, on average, for $120 - $150. Bad was in the $50 - $80 range. Why was I not getting more offers??

I had to make a decision.

1. Take the $150 and be satisfied.
2. Counter-offer a higher amount, hoping they would accept or re-counter.

I decided to be greedy and counter. I asked for $250 with a promise to throw in some Jackson 5 and MJ extras. My hope was they would come back with $200, and I would accept that.

The hours past...then days...before I knew it, the auction had ended and I heard nothing back from the $150 ebay offerer. I had just let $150 slip through my fingertips, and I was not happy. But, what could I say? I was unsuccessful in exploiting a dead celebrity. Wow, now I felt really bad that I was so shallow in my thinking.

I decided to re-list the records, and take whatever the best offer was the second time around. I listed for $250 or best offer. I quickly received an email from the $150 ebay offerer. He was asking to see more pictures...and then he wanted to know if they were re-sealed...then he wanted to know the bar code number...

In the meantime, I received an offer of $179.99 from a new bidder. Surprisingly, the $150 offerer never made an offer this time around. With 10 minutes remaining before the 179.99 offer expired (I almost let that slip through my fingers, too!! Fortunately, I was lucky enough to log onto Ebay at the right time to notice I only had 10 minutes left!!) I decided to accept the 179.99 and call it a day.

So, $150 slipped through my fingers, but I was fortunate enough to still cash in with $180. I'm not good at math, but that has to be at least a 350% increase over my original $10 investment. Right? Whatever, I said I'm not good at math!!

I hope you all don't think less of me now for making some cash...at least I only sold records, and nothing TMZ worthy!!

Hendrix's First Birthday Party

Just wanted to take a minute to share some great photos from Hendrix's First Birthday Party! It was suppose to be at Donner Park, but the night before, Becky's mom informed us that Donner was hosting some big bash celebrating Columbus, so we had to scramble and have it in our back yard. I think it worked out just fine!


(Mickey Mouse was the theme, as Hendrix digs Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on Disney.)


(Hendrix with his Mickey ears.)


(I made the cake myself! Thx, Jean, for the trick to re-attach Mickey's head!!)


(Diggin' in!)


(He never really ate any of the cake...I think he was doing this for laughs!!)


(If you love cake, clap your hands!)


(One messy boy! Hey all you parents with kids about to tear into their first cake, here is a trick that worked for me...fill a cooler with water the night before and after the cake is destroyed, throw the baby in the cooler and wash his off! It worked great!)


(A birthday ball. Thank you, Blankman family...you follow instructions oh so well!! ha ha!! Just kidding, really, thanks!)


(Small Mickey cake for Hendrix, that I helped him eat!)


(Large Party Cake. Hope everyone enjoyed!!)

Well, since I was running around crazy all day, these are the only photos. Hope they were enough for you all!

MICHAEL JACKSON: 1958 - 2009

The King is dead.

Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, has died at age 50.

Michael made it easy to focus on the negative. Yes, he was bizarre. Yes, he was strange. Yes, he was eccentric. Weird, odd, reclusive...

However, the man was a damn fine musician. Damn fine performer. Underrated humanitarian. And I, for one, refuse to overshadow all he gave to the world on the strength of accusations.

Maybe he did molest children, as he was accused and acquitted of. And if he did, it's unimaginably terrible...the worst thing anyone could do. But it's not up to us to judge his guilt or innocence. He's will face judgement for that. It would be awful, as well, if he didn't do it. Living with the stigma of such a heinous crime would be overwhelming. I choose not to judge.

You might not like him. I don't care. You might think he's guilty. I don't care. Like I said, it's not for me (or us) to judge him.

I'm just going to remember him and his musical legacy. He opened a lot of doors for black entertainers. He went from child pop singer with the Jackson 5, to disco genius with Off The Wall, to pop superstar with Thriller, to cultural icon with the Moonwalk, the Glove, We Are the World, Bad, Dangerous...

You cannot deny his impact...

From the dancing, to the music video short films...from the singing, to the songwriting...Michael Jackson was larger than life. But in the end, no one gets out of life alive. Some just go too soon.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson...the King of Pop. August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HENDRIX DYLAN

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY, HENDRIX DYLAN!!

My baby turns a year old today!! I will be posting some birthday photos soon. A few from today, his actual birthday, and some from this coming Saturday, his first birthday party!

Keep checking back!!

My First Father's Day

Here's my first Father's Day in a nutshell...

--Woke up to Hendrix and Becky serving me breakfast in bed. Hendrix gave me a card!

--Hugged and kissed my boy...well, I tried, he was squirming to get down and play.

--Watched Hendrix play.

--Becky and I shook our heads at the sight of how big Hendrix is getting, so fast, as we watched him sleeping.

--Went to Dad's and spent the afternoon helping him with his roof. Even though it was hot, and we were working hard (him much harder than me), it was still nice to see him on Father's Day.

--Had a nice moment on the roof with Dad. Overlooking the street where I grew up, I told him Happy Father's Day. And then told him to please not fall off the roof!

--Watched Hendrix play in the swimming pool.

--Went home, put Hendrix to bed, kissed Becky and thanked her for my beautiful child (and the breakfast in bed, of course!)

--Fell asleep smiling, thinking about how lucky I am to have the greatest dad in the whole world, and hoping that I can at least be half the dad to Hendrix, that my dad is to me.

I love you, Dad.
I love you, Hendrix.

Happy Father's Day!!

True Stories: The Yard Sale Massacre

The story you are about to read is true. The names are real, the places are real, the situation...well, also real. This is True Stories.

I'm your host for True Stories, Burt Reynoldsonsmokeybandit.

Dateline: Saturday, June 13th, 2009

It was an unassuming Saturday morn, the Gillespie family had just finished breakfast at the local McDonalds and decided to hit a few yard sales on their way home. Little did they know the drama that was about to consume them.

While young Hendrix frolicked in his car seat, his parents, Becky and Tony, checked off the yard sales from the newspaper as they visited them. Becky, who controlled the paper, directed Tony to hit a promising sale. After typing the address into the GPS (which, by the way, is a FABULOUS way to yard sale, I, Burt Reynoldsonsmokeybandit, highly recommend it!!)

The address, however, was very elusive. They drove down the road twice, and found no trace of a yard sale. Tony, impatient as always, was ready to throw in the towel. But Becky convinced him otherwise.

(the following conversation is a re-enactment with Heidi Klum playing the role of "Becky" and Josh Hartnett playing the role of "Tony." "Hendrix" is playing himself cause I, Burt Reynoldsonsmokeybandit, cannot think of a cute famous baby off the top of my head.)

Becky: "Listen to this description, though...60's/70's era records."

Tony: "Oh yeah! Dang, it probably was a Friday and Saturday sale though, right? All the good lp's are probably gone..."

Becky: "No, it says Saturday...10 am!!"

A quick glance at the clock revealed it was 10:02 am. Tony's pulse began to quicken as he envisioned a glorious collection of records. He HAD to find this yard sale.

The young, handsome couple finally located the address and pulled in front of a large, brick house. The house looked like it was converted into a few apartments due to the size, but strangely, no yard sale was to be found.

Becky: "It's probably inside, just go and open the door and go in. I bet there is an entrance area, and it's set up in there."

Tony: "I'm not just going to go into someone's house...what if there isn't a sale inside?!?"

Becky: "Just do it."

Tony exited the car, and looked around for a yard sale sign, or any direct of where to go. There was nothing. He began to walk to the backyard when he spied a tiny pink post it note on the door.

Upon approaching the 2 x 2 note, he read: "Push the top button for sale." To his left, he found an intercom system with 5 white buttons. Something didn't seem right. Tony walked back to the car to talk it over with Becky.

A car slowed as Tony made his way back to his vehicle. A man (played by Kevin Bacon in this re-enactment, cause he's in everything!) popped his head out the window and asked if this is where the sale was.

Tony: "Yeah, there is a note to ring the buzzer, but it seems shady to me."

Kevin Bacon Guy: "I think I'll pass."

Tony opened Becky's car door and told her of the shady situation.

Becky: "Just go ring the buzzer."

Tony: "What if there is a killer in there, wanting to rob me?"

Becky: "Oh, whatever..."

Tony: "Ok, I'll do it, but if I end up hacked into a million pieces, it's on you!!"

Tony approached the door again, and this time, he hit the buzzer. An older gentleman approached, opened the door, and Tony entered.
.............................................................

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH BECKY (not the fake Heidi Klum Becky, the real one.)

Becky: "I wasn't worried about it really. I've seen inside yard sales before, you know, when people are moving. It didn't hit me until Tony had been gone for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. I thought something was wrong..."

Burt Reynoldsonsmokeybandit: "What did you do? Did you call his cell phone to check on him?"

Becky: "I couldn't, my cell phone was at home on the charger...what a terrible day to have the battery die!! I didn't want to get Hendrix out and go to the door, risking someone slicing us up, too. My only option was to drive off, look for a phone, and call him..."

Burt: "What was going through your mind?"

Becky: "I thought he was chopped up!! If he wouldn't have put that image into my mind!!"

Burt: "So, it was his fault?"

Becky: "No, I was just really worried."

Burt: "Hendrix, what went through your mind? Were you afraid something happened to your daddy?"

Hendrix: no response

Burt: "I know, it's difficult to talk about. Thank you both for your time."
...........................................................

Tony cautiously entered the house behind the older gentleman. As they walked down a corridor, Tony carefully surveyed the scene with ninja like precision to prevent a sneak attack. As they entered the main room, Tony dropped his defenses and was overpowered...














by the site of 2 large crates of glorious records!! He quickly made his way over to them, sitting on the floor to get a better look. The two men exchanged small talk as Tony pulled record after record from the crate...The Beatles White Album, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Doors...the list went on and on until finally Tony just made an offer for one of the crates (the other was all classical junk.) $25!!!

Burt: "What was going through your mind?"

Tony: "At first, I thought I was going to die some ghastly death, but then, after seeing those records, I was only thinking, I'm not getting robbed...I'm robbing this guy!! It's the best lot of records I've ever bought at a yard sale!!"

Outside, Becky was making preparations to go get help, when the door swung open to the house, and out emerged Tony, crate of records in his arms, alive and victorious.

Becky was relieved. Pissed, but relieved.

The morale of this story is this: Don't judge a book by it's cover, don't be afraid to face your fears as you may find something great, and if you are going to be more than 5 minutes in a presumed "Chop Up House" let your wife know you are ok.

This is Burt Reynoldsonsmokeybandit reporting for True Stories.

You Better, You Bet!

If it's better to give than receive, and I give a gift to a friend of mine, am I not saying to that friend "I gave the gift, therefore I am better than you?"

I don't like telling my friends, or giving them the impression, I am better than they are, so I think it only makes sense that I only receive gifts, rather than give them...you know, I don't want to make my friends feel bad.

Mother's Day Fiasco

Hendrix will be a year old in June. Yeah, I know, it's crazy. Well, for this first Mother's Day, I wanted to get Becky something special, so I decided to get her a Mother's Day ring with my, Hendrix and her name engraved on it with our birthstones. I found that a certain store's website was advertising such a ring, so I filled out the information and ordered the ring. That was when the trouble started. (I won't mention the store's name, let's just say it rhymes with Paul Blart.)


PLEASE NOTE THE VERBIAGE ON THIS ADVERTISEMENT...
HURRY! Order BY April 26th for delivery by Mother's Day.
(Fine print reads: For Personalized Jewelry and Gifts - Excludes Photo Gifts).

APRIL 20th

On April 20th, I placed my order. One ring, names, stones, blah, blah, blah. Ok. I paid for the ring online and soon after I received a email conformation. It read, in a nutshell:

"Thank you for your purchase. Your purchase will be delivered between June 7th and June 17th."

For those of you who may not realize this, Mother's Day is May 10th this year.

My immediate instinct told me not to worry, it was probably a mistake. You know, it was a special promotion and the ring would actually be there in time. With this in mind, I wrote a nice email to the Wal...er, the Paul Blart help desk, explaining the situation and my hope the ring would arrive by Mother's Day.

I got a generic form letter...Thank you, we will get back with you in 24 hours, blah blah blah. So, I waited.

The next day, I got a call on my cell phone. It was a representative for the company. She informed me the shipping information I received was correct, and that, unfortunately, the ring I ordered had a cut off of April 18th for Mother's Day delivery. (April 18th was a Sunday, FYI...kinda fishy in my opinion.) Trying not to get irate (as Hendrix was asleep, and I didn't want to wake him) I said:

Me: "So, let me get this straight, your website advertised it would be delivered by Mother's Day, but it isn't going to happen."

Her: "Yes, sir, that's correct, you missed the cutoff for this item."

Me: "It doesn't say anything about a cutoff on the website."

Her: "I'm sorry sir. Have a nice day."

Me: "Alright, I guess."

I hung up, and shot an email to the help desk once again.

Hello...

I just wanted to send a follow up to express my extreme disappointment with the promotion on the Paul Blart website. I just spoke with a representative who informed me the ring I ordered would not be delivered by Mother's Day because the cut off for that ring was April 18th and I ordered on the 20th EVEN THOUGH the website clearly says:

Hurry! Order by April 26th for Mother's Day delivery! For Personalized Jewelry and Gifts.

No mention whatsoever about the 18th.

Now I have to explain to my wife why Paul Blart isn't getting her gift to her on time, but a month after the fact. I appreciate the follow up, but I am disappointed that the information on your website was incorrect. In the future, I WILL NOT be purchasing items from your website, or your store.

Ok, so that was a bit of an exaggeration, but I wanted to get the point across. I got another form letter email: Sorry we couldn't help, if there is anything we can do let us know, blah blah blah.

There is one thing you can do...QUIT FALSE ADVERTISING ON YOUR WEBSITE!!

I started my search for the corporate headquarters phone number, but quickly got sidetracked as often I do. I told Becky, roundaboutly, the situation and explained the gift wouldn't be there until much later than I wanted. I began looking for alternatives for the special day, and gave up the search for the corporate number.

But there is a happy ending to this story. Wednesday, May 6th I opened my front door to find a package. It was the ring!! Don't know if my voice was heard, if the customer service person was out of the loop, or what, but the ring arrived, all the names were spelled correctly, and the stones were in place.

Because we never wait, I gave Becky the ring and the alternative give (a full massage gift certificate...no, I'm not giving the massage, a professional is!!) and she loved the ring very much! It sparkles on her finger, and I know she appreciates it.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there!!

More Odd Mail

Back on March 17th, I asked you good readers what my mail was trying to tell me. You see, I received a coupon and flyer encouraging me to get some Depends adult diapers. Well, the mail has gotten worse! Here is my recent mail...



First, I get this wonderful invitation to be one of 17 people to test out the newest hearing aids! What? Oh, sorry, I thought you said something...guess my hearing is just bad.

Then, I get this...



Yes, folks, this is a Senior Update card telling me if I fill it out and join, I can get 100% of my funeral paid! FUNERAL?!? I hope this is premature, but dang with the Depends, the Hearing Aid and now the funeral talk, I wonder if this is all a sign...or maybe I just got on some old people mailing list!

Well, Matlock is coming on, I gotta go!