Famous Idol Rejects

Once again, the weather has turned from warm to cold, the trees have shed their leaves, and American Idol is on television. Season Six began last night, and, once again, I found myself in front of the old boob tube watching the good, the not so good, and the down right terrible compete to become the next American Idol.

The auditions were first held in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Being a big music fan, I knew Prince was from Minneapolis, but I also knew of another great artist from the Gopher State, Bob Dylan. That got me to thinking.

While Dylan is notably one of the best songwriter's ever, he wouldn't even come close to making it past the judges, and on to Hollywood. What other famous musicians wouldn't get the Golden Ticket?

1. Bob Dylan



Randy: "Yo, Dogg...Minnesota native? Yo, represent, do it right!!"

Simon: "What song are you going to sing us?"

Dylan: "This Land is Your Land, by Woody Guthrie"

Simon: "Ok, off you go."

(10 seconds later)

Simon: "Are you being serious? That was horrendous! Paula?"

Paula: "I'm gonna pass."

Randy: "Yeah, dogg, that's a no for me, too."

Simon: "It's a no, Bob."

2. Chuck Berry



(Berry enters the room with his famous Duck Walk.)

Simon: "NEXT!!"

(Paula hits Simon.)

Randy: "Come on, Simon, give him a chance!!"

(Simon begrudgingly agrees.)

(10 seconds later...)

Simon: "Oh, that was worth it!!" (note sarcastic tone.) "NEXT!!"

3. Jimi Hendrix



(Jimi enters wearing an array of brightly colored clothing, and his signature blat hat with purple trim.)

Simon: "Where are you from?"

Hendrix: "Seattle"

Simon: "Looks like Mars..."

(Paula hits Simon.)

(Hendrix begins to sing...10 seconds later.)

Simon: "Is that considered good in Mars?"

Randy: "Yeah, dogg, it was just a'ight for me. Simon?"

Simon: "No."

Paula: "I'm sorry, it's a no for me, too."

Randy: "Yeah, dogg, it's a no."

4. John Lennon



Paula: "Says, here you are from England?"

(Lennon nods.)

Simon: "Not much of a talker, this one."

(Paula hits Simon.)

(Lennon begins to sing...15 seconds later.)

Simon: "I like you."

Randy: "Just cause he's from England!!"

Paula: "You were pitchy in spots. Simon?"

Simon: "I say yes."

Randy: "No, dogg, not for me."

Paula: "I'm on the fence...I'm gonna say no, sorry."

5. Bruce Springsteen



Randy: "Jersey, represent!! I use to lay down tracks with Journey!"

Simon: "Journey isn't from Jersey!"

Randy: "Yo, Mariah Carey, dogg!!" (NOTE: Ironically, Jackson worked with both Springsteen and Dylan...)

Simon: "Enough with this name dropping, just sing."

(10 seconds later...)

Randy: "Um...nah, it's a no."

Paula: "No."

Simon: "Sorry, Bruce, it's a no."

6. Tom Petty



Simon: "Why are you here?"

Petty: "To sing."

Simon: "Go ahead."

(3 notes later...)

Randy: (holding his ears, and laughing) "Yo, dogg, singing is not your thing!!"

Simon: "If I'm being honest, that sounded like a cat got it's bum caught in a blender!"

(Paula hits Simon.)

Simon: "Honestly, Paula, that was appalling!"

Paula: "Do you have to be so rude about it?"

(The bickering continues as Petty leaves the room.)

7. Bon Scott - AC/DC



(Bon Scott enters the room with a fifth of whiskey in his hands.)

Scott: "Back in Blaaaaaaaaack"

Simon: "SECURITY!!"

8. Joey Ramone - The Ramones

Paula: "How tall are you!?!"

Ramone: "I don't know, 6"5, 6"6..."

Simon: "Ok, enough with this chatter, go ahead and sing."

(Ramone begins to sing, and Randy and Paula quickly cover their faces and start laughing.)

Simon: "How do you think you did? You know what, forget that, you are terrible, the door is that way."

9. Ozzy Osbourne



Simon: "What are you going to sing for us today?"

Ozzy: "Um, well, sizzle furly hurgle."

(All 3 judges look puzzled.)

Randy: "I don't think I know that one, dogg."

Ozzy: "mumble, sizzle...fuckin' furly hurgle!"

Simon: "Um, go ahead."

(10 seconds later)

Randy: "Oh, In the Ghetto!!" (NOTE: Why is it that Ozzy can sing coherently, but not talk coherently??)

Ozzy: "yea, fuckin' sizzle..."

Simon: (interrupting) "I can't understand a word that you have said...it's a no."

10. Johnny Rotten - Sex Pistols



(Rotten enters the room)

Rotten: "bleep, bleep, bleep, you bleepity, bleepers!!"

(Rotten exits the room.)
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So, there you have it, 10 musicians who wouldn't get the Golden Ticket to Hollywood on American Idol. I know, I know...there are a lot of artists who are worse singers than the 10 I named (well, some of the 10 I named, anyway), but do you know what all 10 of these frontmen have in common?

I'll give you a second...

Ok, time's up...(highlight over blank spot to reveal answer) they are all members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!! Talent isn't always singin' in key!! (NOTE: I know, Idol is a singing competition...but can you tell me how in the hell Carmen Rasmussen or Nikki McKibben made it as far as they did? I'd take two Dylans and a shot of Ozzy over either of them!!)