Black Dress Blues

There are some stead-fast rules when it comes to fashion. I'm not sure what they are, cause I'm a guy, but I know a few:

1. Never wear white after labor day.
2. Don't mix stripes and plaids.
3. Don't wear your underwear on the outside of your pants (unless you're a superhero)


4. And, if you're a girl, never wear black to a wedding.

Ok, I understand most of these rules (except the lame Labor Day one), but I wanted to dispel the rumor that a woman can't wear black to a wedding.

Why is this a rule? Well, I looked it up, and it seems wearing black to a wedding is considered bad luck to the bride and groom (except for Chinese/Korean weddings, where it is bad luck to wear white...the bride in these cultures usually opts to be draped in a red dress, or a dress made of egg rolls.)

In trying to pick out a dress to wear to my friend Brian's upcoming wedding, Becky pulled a black dress from the closet, and proceeded to ask what I thought about it.

I thought it looked great!!

"But, it's black, and I can't wear black to a wedding!!"

Or could she?

I told her I would take a poll at work to figure out if black was appropriate for a wedding. I strolled over to the Accounting department, which housed the highest concentration of women, and began to bounce from desk to desk asking the simple question:

Is it ok for a woman to wear a black dress to a wedding?

The most common response was, "Is this woman the bride?" To which I would hit them over the head with my clipboard and proclaim them "Queen of the Idiots."

After I polled 11 people, the numbers were staggering:

Yes, it is Ok for a woman to wear a black dress to a wedding = 9

No, it isn't Ok for a woman to wear a black dress to a wedding = 2

The black dress wins!!

The evidence was overwhelmingly in favor of the black dress. I noted that the two NO votes came from woman over age 50, while a majority of the YES votes came from younger women. Maybe it's just a generation thing. Maybe the stigma has faded. Maybe black is the new "It" color for weddings. Maybe I work with a bunch of Marilyn Manson fans.



Friday night, I took my polling data to Becky, so she would know it was indeed acceptable to wear black to a wedding.

Friday night, we went and bought a green dress.

I guess sometimes popular opinion just doesn't matter.

Hold 'Em

The popularity of Texas Hold 'Em Poker is gi-normous right now. You can't even flip through the tv channels without seeing at least 5 different channels featuring the high stakes competitions. Saturday, I was invited to a Hold 'Em game, and I was ready to clean house!!

Many of you faithful readers will remember my previous articleThe Final Table , but that was just a game with family members...this was to be my first REAL competition.

The buy in was $20, which in turn gave you $20 in chips. Once you were out, you could re-buy in, and you could cash out any time. Unlike the previous competitions, this time, you played til you wanted to leave...and took home (or left behind) whatever amount you ended with.

Five players butted up to the table at around 7 pm...After about 4 hours of play, we had our first casualty. I don't recall his name, but I knew him as Crown Royal because it was his drink of choice. A fierce competitor, Crown Royal was down to his final 3.25 before he made his comeback. He called it quits, and cashed out even for the night.

It was down to four.

To my left sat a real high roller named, um, well, I don't recall his name, either, but I think it was John or Josh or something with a "J". For this post, we'll call him J. Now J was the most calculating player on the table. He was tight with his cards, playing a strong, yet conservative game. All night long I starred jealously at his two stacks of chips...one stack was the $20 he began with, the other was the $20 or more he had won.

Across the table was the game's host, Steve. His style was a bit more loose. He would pay to see the flop on a 7/2 off suit (I know, he beat me with it once!!) His stack was fairly consistent all night.

To my right was my friend Toby. By far the loosest player in the game, Toby won some, and lost some, but always did it with a smile.

We traded money for several hours. At around midnight, I was seriously short stacked. With a Queen/4 off suit, and a Queen on the board, I pushed all in. Steve followed, and we flipped our cards. My pair of Queens layed with about a 1% chance of winning over Steve's cards...he had a pair of 2's, and one on the turn made a set.With one card coming, I had only 2 cards that could save me. The Queen of hearts, and the Queen of clubs.

I held my breath as Toby flipped the card.

Queen of Hearts!!I was saved on the river. I was back in the game!!

A half hour later, I had busted out. I bought back in for $10, and around 2:00 that was going fast as well. Toby gave me some sage advice..."Always buy back in BEFORE you bust out." With a few dollars left, I did just that and bought in for another $10.J was gone at this point, cashing out with $20 in one pile, and $20 in the other.

Steve, Toby and I played until a little after 3:00 am. When the chips stopped falling, Toby's advice paid off. I cashed in $37 dollars in chips, which meant I only lost $3 on the night. Steve was even, and Toby was down a little over $20, but he was still smiling...what a guy!!

It was a blast playing, trying to figure out the tells of the other players, and in the end, I walked away with a new respect for the game (which isn't as easy as I thought!!) and with the desire to pull up to the table again in the future.

Huh

Maybe it IS true, what they say...

42,000

Becky: "Ugh, your forehead is filthy."

Me: "Ok."

Becky: "You really should wash your face more often."

Me: "Yeah, I probably should."

Becky: "You know that for night you go to bed without washing your face, your skin ages seven years?"

Me: "Seven years? That doesn't sound right...you sure it isn't seven days?"

Becky: "No, I'm pretty sure it's seven years."

Me: "Well, that means if I didn't wash my face an average of 300 times a year, for 20 years, that makes me 42,000 years old!!"

Becky: "No."

Me: "20 years, times 300 days, times 7 years per night equals 42,000."

Becky: "YOU aren't 42,000 years old, but your face is!!"

CHAMPIONS

11 teams entered...one team leaves.

Congratulations are in order for my wonderful team on a job well done, not only in winning the Greensburg Co-Ed Volleyball League (48-12), but also for showing so much heart in winning the Greensburg Co-ed Volleyball League Tournament, despite only having 5 people.

Not only did we win it, we owned it, going a staggering 12-0.

Even though you guys may never read this, Brian, Andy, Ella, Becky...congrats on one of the best tourneys I've ever been a part of...and to Teri, Nancy, and, of course, Big D, thanks for helping make this the best season we've ever had, while faces the best opponents the league has ever seen.

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS !!



(Special thanks to Hank, who "let" me block him twice in the semi-finals...your team deserves a lot of credit, too, for matching our 48-12 record during the season, but coming up just a little short on points, which gave us the title. Great season!!)

Failure to (Get the Movie) Launch (ed)

I like the rain. It soothes, it cleanses, it smells good, it washes my car...

In Indiana, we have a lot of storms. Some tame, some extremely not tame. Friday, the 31st, we had one such "not tame" storm. Hurricanes blew through a few towns, and virtually all of Indiana was blanketed in thunderstorms.

Before the storms began, Becky and I decided it would be fun to go to the movies. She picked out the flick and the time (cause I'm too lazy) and it was settled. Failure to Launch, 7:10 pm.


(Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey
Failure to Launch)

We found our seats, sat through a half hour of previews, and began laughing at the movie. At about 8:15, the sound cut out of the movie. People were beginning to shift in their seats. This went on for about 5 minutes before the movie cut out completely.

A girl with a red hat and tie came in and walked quickly to the front of the theatre.

"There is a tornado WARNING, everyone needs to leave the theatre immediately!!"

Before we could react, a second theatre employee came in, flapping his arms while he repeated "NO NO NO..."

They both left, which caused an uneasy feeling in my fellow movie goers. What do we do? Stay? Go?

Suddenly, a short, thin employee entered the theatre, and announced, with a Chris Farley voice:


(Chris Farley as Matt Foley - motivational speaker
the theatre guy sounded like him, but never mentioned a
"Van down by the River.")

"Everybody needs to calm down!! There is a Tornado Warning until 8:45 pm!! Do not leave the theatre!! Everybody needs to get against the wall!!" (Sorry for going all willy-nilly with the exclamation points, but he was pretty adamant!!)

People began to whip out their cell phones as the scurried to the sides of the theatre. Becky and I remained in our seats. I figured I could always get under the theatre seats if anything began falling. Becky said I wouldn't fit, which almost prompted me to demonstrate that I would, but the floor was sticky, and it felt unnecessary.

At 8:35, Farley re-entered the room, and told us the movie was about to restart. This was met with glee as everyone began filling their seats once more. The crowd complained about the missing 5 minutes of movie, and asked if the film would be "rewound."

(NOTE: For those of you not in the know, movies come in 5 or more small reels. These reels are then spliced together into one giant reel. Through an intricate process, the movie feeds through a "Brain" and then through the camera. IT CANNOT BE REWOUND without messing us the brain, and whatnot. It's not a dvd up there, it's a big bunch of film that is a pain when broken, or worse, dropped.)

When everyone was in their seats, the lights began to dim, and then we heard the Tornado Sirens blaring once again. The lights came back up, and Farley came in to break the news.

"There is another Tornado Warning until 9:30!! You can leave, but it is at your own will!! Everyone needs to get against the wall!!" (apparently, they HAVE to shut off the movie during severe weather, so as not to "keep us in the dark" about the severe weather.)

We stayed, because we have nothing better to do on a Friday night, and besides, we were cracking up laughing at these people who had apparently never been in a storm before. (NOTE: we were NOT laughing at the people who lost their houses or worse in this or any storm...that is all.)

Finally at 9:30, the movie cranked up again to our delight. People complained about the movie not being "rewound" and were told to see the manager after the show. Come on, people!! This isn't a complex plot here...how hard is it to figure out what happened in those 5 minutes of silence?

At 10:30, the movie was over...3 and a half hours, and we didn't even see Titanic or Green Mile!! We were content to leave, but we saw the "re-whiners" up getting free passes, so I got in line and picked up a couple, too. Why not? Did I mention the movie was quite funny? It was.

(Oh, I would also like to give a special thanks to the theatre employee with the broom who stood in our theatre during the entire delay...guarding and protecting us with his mighty cleaning spear!! He didn't say anything, but wow, I would have been terrified if not for him.)

Drug Problem

I know Indiana has a bit of a drug problem, but this has crossed the line!!