Like the finely tuned athlete that I am, I will continue to soldier on with these dreaded 2-A-Days, even though my memory banks are slowly emptying. Here's a story from the vaults that you all may like, or you all may hate...just read it!!
Some things are straight up disgusting, yet some people can still somehow do them with grace. It's always gross to hear someone blow their nose, yet some people can do it discreetly, without notice. However, there is one thing no one can do gracefully...
...and that is hurl.
This is my tribute to the grossest, yet most hilarious hurling story I've ever heard, or witnessed first hand. If you get squeeming by this sort of thing, come back tomorrow for more stories and/or tales.
Back in the 90's, when I was a younger, teenaged lad, my brother Andy and my cousin Scott would go over to my grandma's house on the weekend sometimes and stay with her. She's super cool, and we liked hanging out with her, watching movies and reaping the benefits of her excellent cooking. On one faithful Friday night, another of my cousins, Jeffrey, decided to come over and stay.
It wasn't long after Grandma went to bed, that Jeffrey followed suit. The rest of us stayed up watching movies, and drinking high amounts of sugary soda. What happened next will live with me for as long as I live.
I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich...bologna, cheese and tomato, if you are keeping score at home. Out of the bedroom came a confused and bewildered Jeffrey, obviously still asleep. He had his hands cupped, and he was carrying some of his own vomit. Yes, dear readers, this is gross enough, but it gets worse...oh, so much worse.
The bedroom connected to the kitchen via a hallway. In that hallway, was the bathroom. Jeffrey, being asleep, completely passed up the bathroom and made his way into the kitchen. Scott and Andy saw what was going on and pleaded with Jeffrey to "Go to the bathroom!! Go to the bathroom!!" But the cries fell on Jeffrey's sleeping ears and he trucked at a faster pace into the kitchen.
At this point, Jeffrey opened his cupped hands, dropping the puke onto the floor, where he proceeded to step in it, sending him straight up into the air and flat on his back...like Daniel Stern in Home Alone. Splat!! Puke splattered in every direction, including across the kitchen, and onto my leg.
"GO TO THE BATHROOM!!" they cried from the living room, but the Puke Train was comin' around the bend, and nothing was gonna stop it from pulling through the station!!
Think it can't get any worse? Well...
Jeffrey was about to blow chunks, and at this point in the story, he had the presence of mind to grab something to puke into...and it was a box of kitchen wares that grandma had packed on-account-a she was gettin' ready to move!!
My poor grandma!! She came out of her bedroom and saw the chunks being blown onto her dishes, and what-nots. She called for Jeffrey to go to the bathroom, and this time, he listened. She then spent the next hour washing everything in that box as a stunned Andy and Scott looked on...
...and I ate my bologna, cheese and tomato sandwich.
1 comment:
How could you still eat your sandwich??? Sue
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