Do I Look Like An Indian To You?

Everybody has one, or has had one in their lifetime. Before you go off the deep end with sexually explicit innuendos (sicko perverts!!) let me clarify. At some point we have all had a nickname. (Wow, what were YOU thinking!!)

What I can't figure out is why guys get so creative with nicknames, and girls are so blah. For example, Tiffany becomes Tiff, or Barbara become Barb. YAWN!! Maybe girls just don't have the nicknaming capacity, or maybe they don't care to partake in nicknaming. Either way.

For guys, the stakes are raised. Donnie becomes "Chainsaw"...Rick is now dubbed "Slaughterhouse"...and Joe somehow becomes "Mandingo".

I guess if you break it down more (which is what I love to do), you have to put different kinds of nicknames in different catergories.

Catergory 1: Common Name Nicknames

This is your Tiffany = Tiff, your Richard = Dick, your Anthony = Tony.
You can't really say much about these. It's just a way to take a proper, stuffy adult name, and make it a little more hip and personable. I do it myself, because it's shorter...less letters to write. Hey, I'm a lazy guy, ok?


Catergory 2: Manly Nicknames

Bob = Mangler, Frank = Psycho
Really, why do guys do this? I say guys, cause when have you ever called your girlfriend or wife "Psycho" and meant it as a good thing? Ok, so guys attach these crazy, blood thirsty names to their friends as some kind of a ego boost. I am no psychologist, but I would think being called "Maniac" would make me feel more self confident than "Pooh Bear". That's just a guess.

The question is, why don't women take on such barbaric nicknames? I think it's because girls are "suppose" to be soft and less-crazed. I wouldn't want to date a girl who was refered to as "The Butcher". But maybe the ladies should take a page out of the guys book, and come up with some semi-manly nicknames to help with self esteem.

Examples: Anything with a more duel meaning..."Killer" could mean a knockout looking lady, or a lady with a steak knife ready to rip out your liver.

Catergory 3: Animal nicknames

Adam = Rhino, Josh = Weasel, Heather = Bunny
See where this is going? Guys just don't seem to care what they are called, as long as the animal is tough or filthy, women need soft, furry nicknames.

Catergory 4: Common nicknames

Let me attack this catergory by giving you the 3 nicknames I HATE to be called.

3. Fella. Ex: "What have you been up to, fella?" What is a fella? I'm sure it's short for fellow, but when is the last time you heard someone say fellow? "He's a mighty good fellow" is the last time I heard it, and that song is as old as the hills (and not sang that often anymore for that very reason.)

2. Big -un. Believe it or not, I've gotten this nickname more than once. "Hey, big-un, how's it going?" Yes, that is Big-un, as in short for Big One. Who would feel good about being called big? A bodybuilder, maybe. I am not a body builder. But, on the bright side, at least I haven't been called Fatty McButterpants...yet!

1. Chief. "What's up, Chief?" I'll tell you what's about to be up...my foot, up your behind!! I can't really explain why I hate being called Chief, but I do hate it so. Chief? Man, I hate that one. Even worse than Big-un.

Of course, other catergories include: Lover's Nicknames, Nicknames for your Animals, Last Name Change Nicknames (using the person's last name to make a new, cooler nickname. Ex: Jones = Jonsey) and Far-Out Non-Sensical Nicknames (Ex: Brad = Godsey...see? Godsey isn't a word, yet, it's Brad's nickname!)

It seems that the common theme in all of the catergories is: Man = Strong, tough nicknames, or nicknames that play off your own name. Women = soft, cuddly nicknames.

Sounds like men need some ego boosting, and women need to feel more feminine. I don't have a problem with that...I do, however have a problem being called Chief!!

I'm sure it says something about our society, but as you can tell if you've made it this far in the post, I obviously have no idea where I am going with this entry, so I'll leave you to ponder the shortcomings of our society, and to think about the meaning behind YOUR nickname.