What I Learned Over the Four Day Holiday

Ah, summer. Time for the sun, the cook outs, and a break from the icy winter months. Nothing says summer more than the Fourth of July!! Independence Day!! FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!

Here, for you my friends, are some things I learned this Independence Day.

1. When Laying in the Pool on a Floaty...WEAR SUNSCREEN!! I am still itching, and I burned a week ago!!

2. Sun Poisoning SUCKS!! When you are exposed to the sun for a long period of time, or, in my case, if you have a lot of body to expose to the sun, it really sucks to get burned...but it is twice as bad, when you get sun poisoning. Your skin blisters, your body starts tingling to the point you can't even concentrate, and...well, does there need to be an and?!? It sucks! Wear sunscreen you crazy loons!!

3. Lotion Doesn't Help Sun Poisoning. I was laying in bed, tingling all over, my mind racing...I couldn't think straight, but I knew I needed the tingling to STOP!! I grabbed for the lotion, and proceeded to smear it all over. It didn't help. It just made me tingly and greasy.

4. Vitamin A and D Ointment Doesn't Help Sun Poisoning. After the lotion fiasco, I went downstairs and searched the internet for home remedies. (Ok, smarty...go ahead and say Aloe at this point...I KNOW ALOE!! I DIDN'T HAVE ANY ALOE!!) So, I grab for the Vitamin A and D ointment. For those of you not in the know, this ointment is for diaper rash, I think, and it helps with the sting of tattoos. It's thick, it's slimy, and it stinks.

But I wasn't thinking straight.

I grabbed up that tube and began squirting that nasty mess all over me. Now I was:

Tingly

Greasy

AND Slimy.

You guessed it...the stuff didn't help.

5. A Hot Shower Doesn't Help Sun Poisoning. In my continuing saga of the insane itchy tingly feeling, I read about taking a shower. But, this website (which I should have stopped trusting at this point!!) said to "take a hot shower because it will open the pores and remove dead skin."

What it didn't tell you was that a hot shower on a sunburned body also causes convulsions of pain akin to razors slicing your eyeballs!! If you've never had razors cut your eyeballs before, trust me, it sucks!! (not that I have, mind you, but come on...it's razors...on your EYEBALLS!!)

6. A Cold Shower DOES Help Sun Poisoning. Finally, I went against the advice of the website which vehemently advised against cold showers (as it would "close your pores and trap heat in") and I turned the flowing lava off of my shower, to straight cold. Ah, the cold water felt like I was rubbing a furry bunny on my chest and arms. Salvation at last!! I was under that cold water until my finger tips were wrinkly. When I got out, I didn't even need to dry off, as my burnt skin absorbed the water like a sponge. I quickly went to sleep, so as to avoid the pain again.

7. I Cannot Eat My Weight In Hamburger. I tried really hard...but could only manage 3 burgers!! I just can't put it away like I use to!!

8. I Need To Wear Shorts More. I wore shorts to several cookouts over the 4 day weekend. At every one, somebody asked: "Is that tattoo new?" For those of you not in the know, I have a shamrock on my calf...I got it last summer. I think I lost count at 5 people asking if it was new. Maybe I should wear shorts more...or talk to my relatives more...(Oh, and I need to wear shorts more, cause my legs are damn sexy!!)

9. Fireworks Are Cooler When You Light Them Yourself. I never liked fireworks much. They are loud, hurt my eyes, and are kinda dumb. However...when you set the fire to one personally, and watch it explode...very cool.

10. Fireworks Are NOT Cool at Midnight When You Have To Work The Next Day. Come on, people!! Don't you have jobs? QUIT WITH THE FIREWORKS AT MIDNIGHT!!

And Finally...

11. Kids Are Heavy When You Have to Throw Them Around In The Pool. I looked at the clock. it was 5 pm. I jumped in the pool. Five screaming kids choked me, grabbed my leg, pulled me down...I picked one up and threw him. Big mistake.

"Throw me, throw me!!" screamed the little kids.

So I did. And I threw them, and threw them, and threw them...for what seemed like forever. Finally, when the waves stopped, and Uncle Tony got out (after all the kids, I might add!!) I thought I had been in the pool for at least 3 hours. I looked at the clock.

6 PM!!

Damn, those kids wore me out.

There you have it. Things that I learned over the 4 day weekend...I guess I also learned that a weekend really CAN be too long, as I was ready to come back to work to escape the burn, and the heavy kids, and the 97 degree heat. I needed to come back to work so I could get some rest!!