Pinch It Off

I think every workplace has one. The employee who is such a poor fit for the position, you just have to shrug and fix their mistakes, because that's all you really can do. I use to work with a woman like that...her name was Lana. I won't get into all the easy tasks she couldn't perform, but I would like to share with you a particularly embassassing moment.

One day, I was at work when the urge to visit the "little boys room" hit me. So, I grabbed a magazine and headed down to snuggle up for a spell. Back in the office, the phone rang.

Lana answered it. Of course, since she was incapable of doing even the mundane tasks, she needed to seek help for the call. Even though there were others in the room, she felt I needed to answer the question.

"Where's Tony?" she asked? The other workers finally concluded that I was in the restroom, you know, resting. Another worker said, in a joking manner,

"You should just go to the restroom and yell in for him."

And off she went...heading for the restroom. I was finished "resting" and I was at the sink preparing to wash my hands when I heard a voice from the outside.

"Tony? Tony?" I couldn't ignore it, because there were other guys in the restroom who knew me, and knew the call was for me. You have got to be kidding me? I'm in the restroom here!!

At that point, what do you do? I was mid wash, I couldn't walk out and talk to her, I couldn't ignore her, or God only knows what she would have done...so, I yelled back.

"Yeah?"

"Can you come out here for a minute?"

WHAT?!? She has no idea if I'm washing my hands, finishing a number one, or consoling a number 2...and she has the nerve to ask me if I would come out there?

"Could you wait a minute, I'm kinda busy here." I yelled back as the guys around me shot weird looks in my direction. I slowly finished my hand washing...mainly so I could cool off before going out to face this odd situation.

When I finished, I had hoped that she would be gone...but no, she was standing right by the door. She asked me the question as I gave her the "what-the-hell-are-you-doing-standing-outside-the-men's-room-you-moron" look (what, you don't know that look? It's never happened to you? Will wonders ever cease!!)

The question amounted to something that anyone who was there for even a day could have answered, and at that point she had been there over two years...I was super pissed that she couldn't ask anyone else, or at least wait for me to come back to the office.

I fixed the "problem" and had a talk with the boss about keeping Tweedle Dumb out of the Men's room. From that day forward, I never returned to that restroom, choosing instead for the quiet serenity of the second floor facilities, which were free from distractions.