The McDonald's Mission

I did it for you.

Well, not entirely for you, but I have felt that, over the past few months I have been neglecting you fine readers, and I vowed to change that if I could. How?? By doing more things that would warrant good blogging. Last night, I thusly embarked on a challenging mission...mostly for you.

In Columbus, we have three McDonald's. The one on National Road was actually deemed one of the "Busiest McDonald's in the area," or the state, or something, I can't remember. Anyway, a few months back, they decided to tear it down, and re-build it...bigger, faster, better.

The newspaper advertised the Grand Re-Opening for Thursday, December 13th at 12:01 am. That's pretty early, or pretty late, depending on your sleep patterns. I initially blew it off, cause...well, it's McDonald's grand re-opening...who cares, right?

Wrong!! Also in the article they said: "The first 150 customers will receive a card good for ONE FREE BIG MAC A WEEK FOR A YEAR!!" Holy cow!! I like Big Macs...I LOVE free Big Macs. I was in. But first, I needed a plan.


(Window cling from the Grand Re-Opening)

The way I figured it, the article was hidden on the 8th page of the paper, and who reads the 8th page of the paper anymore? I thought I'd get there at 11:30, get in line, at midnight:01 I would get my free Big Macs, and back home. Easy, breezy, Japanesey.

At 11 pm, I decided to leave a bit early, which turned out to be a great move. I took my tape recorder along to record my reaction...here is a transcript:

Me: "Ok, it's 11:07, I am travelling down 25th Street, approaching the 25th Street, National Road intersection. Down the road from that is where the new McDonald's is. Ok, I'm turning onto National Road right now, we'll see what kinda line we have. Um, so far I don't see anything...I'm passing CVS Pharmacy, Blockbuster on my left. Um, no foreseeable lines, of course we are still some 50 minutes from the 12 o'clock hour. I do see the McDonald's sign ahead, um, still no foreseeable crowd as I'm approaching...I'm passing Rally's and Target right now, and I'm coming up onto the McDonalds, and actually I don't see very much action, I'm getting ready to pull in right now..."

At this point, I thought I had it in the bag. Not much action, awesome, in and out. Then, the voice on the tape changed...

Me: "Oh, yeah...there is some action actually...ooh, quite a bit of action. That's ok, cause I'm still gonna get in here...oh my goodness, they are camped out...around...the corner. This is ridiculous...oh...my...goodness. Ok, this is a little more people than I thought. Holy *bleeping* *bleep*...they are all the way around the *bleeping* building, I can not believe this. Ok, I'm going to get in line."

I drove the rest of the way around the parking lot, and ending up crossing the road and parking at Target across the street.

Me: "Ok, now the question is, do I want to stand in line for an hour, in the cold, in the rain, and possibly not even get my free Big Mac's, or do I want to scrap the mission? Um, it's a difficult decision, oooohhhhh, there's two things I could do...I could go around and count the people in line, or I could just go stand in line and hope. I mean, what do I have to loose, right?? Oh my gosh, it's 11:10...it's starting to rain, but I've decided I'm going to do this thing...out!"

I crossed the street and got in line. I was in luck...kinda. the manager was handing out grey raffle looking tickets to exchange for the Big Mac coupons, but he ran out about 10 short of where I was. It seemed I was 160th or so in line. I didn't make it...but wait!! The manager pulled out a handful of blue raffle looking tickets, explaining to the remaining 10 people or so that he didn't have any more Big Mac coupons, but didn't want us to go empty handed, so he gave us one free egg McMuffin a week for a year coupons!! It's not a Big Mac, but it's free. I took a coupon, and waited. (I found out a little later that I was actually, like 210th in line as a girl ahead of me proudly posed with the last Big Mac ticket for a camera man, exclaiming: "I'm the 200th Big Mac winner!!")

Then it started pouring!! Me, in my infinite wisdom, did not bring an umbrella. In fact, I didn't even wear a jacket. I had on a thin sweater (in and out, remember??) I stood, shivering for what seemed like forever. Then the time was announced by a watch wearing guy behind me.

11:20.

Crap! I'll never make it...

Well, somehow, between the young couple behind me, the funny guy to my right, and the conversation I had in my head about the 5 year old a few feet in front of me, I made it to midnight:01.

(Just as a side note, I think the grandfather who had his shivering, crying, almost asleep grandson in the damn cold like that for HOURS should be severely yelled at or something...that's child abuse or something, isn't it?? It should be!)

The line slowly snaked around the building. At 12:20, I was at the final corner. Some high schoolers who were first in line, ( I found out they had been there since6 pm!!! And you thought I was nuts!!) were loading up the couch (yes, the COUCH!!) they brought, and were taking down the awning thing they set up. When they clicked the legs to break the awning thing down, the rain that had collected on top rushed like a tidal wave onto one of the boys. Everyone in line laughed and pointed to the point where the kid ran away in shame...it wasn't really that funny, we were just ready to be done with the whole thing, and the awning thing was set up right in the middle of the sidewalk and they were hitting people with the legs of it trying to take it down. Anyway, finally, at 12:30, I was inside the doors. I waited patiently as the line feed it's way past the counters. At 1:00 am, I got my voucher, ordered a Big Mac meal, and left for the car. Wet, cold, tired, and at this point, hungry.


(Success!!)

I got back to the car, and turned on the tape recorder for one final set of refrains.

Me: sounding tired...teeth chattering noticeably..."It's 1:07...I've been standing out here in the rain all night long...(uncontrolled, psychotic giggles)...I think I was, uh, two hundred tenth in line, and I got a free egg mcmuffin a week for a year...man, I'm freezing...uh, probably cause it's been pouring down rain all night. I got a Big Mac meal, I'm gonna eat when I get home...uh, that's it."

After the short drive home...

Me: "Uh, I'm pulling into my drive way now, a bit warmer. It's 1:11 am, and this ordeal is finally over with the commencement of me eating my Big Mac samich...yeah, Peace Out!!"

I think I was a bit delirious at that point, as I entered into this Michael Scott from the Office voice...oh, and I used the word samich. Only grandma's and crazy people say "samich." No, I didn't just say Grandma's are crazy people..I said Grandma's AND crazy people...oh, leave me alone!!

The weirdest part of this whole thing...I've never even had an Egg McMuffin samich before!! Maybe once a long. long time ago. Dang, I sure hope they are good!!

5 More Things That Make Me Mad

I was driving home from work the other day and the radio DJ said something that made my skin boil...but we'll get back to that in a minute. First, I would like to share with you a list of 5 things that make me mad (keep reading, the radio story is coming up at # 1...how's that for a tease??)

#5: TV Show "Adults" are now younger than me.

I'm a big fan of TV, as you all know (or should know by now), but it wasn't til recently that a light bulb went off in my head. I was reading about the Writer's Strike on Jenna Fischer's MySpace page (she plays Pam Beesley on The Office, for those of you not in the know) and I happened to glance over to see that she's 28 years old. 28!! Damn, a full 2 years younger than me. I guess this bothers me because when you are younger, you fantasize about the cool jobs you see on tv (you know, Jenna Fischer plays a receptionist!!) and you think "when I grow up..."

Well, when the heck did I grow up? I'm not complaining about my job...heck, I'm at my job as I type this...I'm just saying, getting older is a hard pill to swallow.

(Check Jenna's MySpace at: Jenna Fischer's MySpace

#4: Eating Alone.

I guess this one makes me more sad than mad, but still. I use to go out for lunch with Becky...now she works in Shelbyville. Then I went to lunch quite a bit with my cousin, Scott...now he's in Batesville. Now when I go to lunch, I eat alone. Maybe I should stop eating out so much...

#3: Typing Errors.

First, before you call me a hypocrite, let me explain. We all make mistakes. We all occasionally spell a word wrong, or use grammar incorrectly, it happens. What I am referring to is one word in particular...well, technically, it's two words.

A LOT

I physically cuss the computer when I see some one spell it as one word, "alot." Kids, "alot" is not a word. Period. It's a lot, two words. Need a way to remember that? Think of this sentence: "Would you like a little, or a lot?"

Now, would you ever in your life type "alittle" as one word? No, everyone knows a little is two words!! Well, A LOT IS TWO WORDS, TOO!!!

Ugh, I hate that one.

#2: Victoria's Secret.

Watch this clip, if you can:

Victoria Secret Commercial

Ok, if you are like me and don't want to leave this post to watch a video, I'll recap:

The video shows Victoria Secret model Miranda Kerron in the newest bra from VS. She has on some wings and she is reciting a little (not alittle, but A LITTLE) limerick.

Here is the limerick:

"There once was an angel so fair,
Whose bra was lighter than air.
The reason you see,
and it's no mystery,
her bra cups were made out of air."
-------

Ok fine reader's...would you like to know Victoria's Secret??

Shhh, don't tell anyone...

THE STUPID COMMERCIAL WRITER'S RHYMED AIR WITH AIR!!! Oh Moses smell the roses!! That makes my head explode!! Honestly, you couldn't find another word that would have fit in there?? Bare, chair, hair, lair, mare, nair, pear, stair, tear...

How about this:

"There once was an angel so fair,
She made people stop and stare.
The reason you see,
and it's no mystery,
Her bra cups were made out of air."

If VS would have went with that, I wouldn't bust a blood vessel every time that stupid commercial comes on. Never, never, ever ever ever rhyme a word with itself...take note all you budding limerick writer's, poets, song writer's, and bathroom wall scribblers!!

(Oh, and before you guys out there go crackin' wise about "I watched the commercial and I didn't even realize she said anything!" and/or anything about my being gay, let me just add that I am very thankful for the Mute button...because Miranda Kerron is extremely hot...so, shut it!!)

#1: DJ's

Hello again, thanks for reading down to #1...I knew that little tease at the top would work, you silly readers...so, how's it going? Having fun? No? Dang...just keep reading, please?!?

You know in a previous post, I ripped radio stations for cutting songs off before they are over. If you haven't read it, do so here: 5 Things I'll Never Understand Well, I have a new complaint about radio "DJ's."

I was listening to the radio, and "Rebel Rebel" came on. I like Bowie, so I listened and sang along as best I could remember. When the song was over, the DJ came on and said:

"That was "Rebel Rebel" by David Buoy." Yes, I realize he didn't spell it out, but he pronounced it Buoy (like a floatation device in the water) instead of BOWIE rhyming with Joey. For those readers who didn't know how to pronounce it, or maybe to those who aren't old enough to know who David Bowie is...I will give you a pass, because not everyone knows how to pronounce every name...I understand that.

HOWEVER, I can NOT give a pass to a radio DJ when they can't pronounce the name of a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted musician ON THE RADIO. What's next...

"Hope you all enjoyed "Heartbreak Hotel" by the King of Rock n Roll, Alvis Prasley..."

I hope that guy got fired. Ok, I don't hope he got fired, but I certainly hope he got a stern talking to!!