The Fix Is In

If you thought I watched too much tv before, read on.

Becky and I watch a lot of Reality TV, and we have found something a bit suspicious. Could it be, the outcomes are predetermined? Let's look at the facts:

AMERICAN IDOL

Winners:

Season 1: Kelly Clarkson
Season 2: Ruben Studdard (who robbed Clay Aiken)
Season 3: Fantasia Barrino

Hum...Girl, Guy, Girl. I predict a Male winner from Season 4.

BIG BROTHER

Season 1: Eddie
Season 2: Will
Season 3: Lisa
Season 4: Jun
Season 5: Drew

Interesting...Guy, Guy, Girl, Girl, Guy. Again, I predict a Male winner on Season 6.

AMAZING RACE

Season 1: Rob and Brennan
Season 2: Chris and Alex
Season 3: Zach and Flo
Season 4: Reichen and Chip
Season 5: Chip and Kim

Ok, this is a little different because of the team concept. However...Male/Male, Male/Male, Male/Female, Male/Male, Male/Female...

What is interesting is this: Season 1 and 2, All Male. Season 3 = M/F. Season 4 was again M/M, but the contestants were the first Gay Couple to win. Season 5 was again M/F BUT there was only ONE, yes ONE All Male team. And, this couple was the first African-American Couple to win.

Diversity. Who will win 6? I predict a Woman/Woman, an Elderly Couple or an Asian Couple.

SURVIVOR

1: Richard Hatch - Borneo
2: Tina Wesson - Outback
3: Ethan Zohn - Africa
4: Vecepia Towery - Marquesas
5: Brian Heidik - Thailand
6: Jenna Morasca - Amazon
7: Sandra Diaz-Twine - Panama
8: Amber Brkich - All Star
9: Chris Daugherty - Vanautu

Man, Woman, Man, Woman, Man, Woman, Woman, Woman, Man

They mixed it up a little, But if you throw in Rupert (who won a Million on All-Stars for being the Most Loved Player) you have 5 Men, and 5 Women taking home the top prize.

Interesting split.

I predict a Man will win #10.

APPRENTICE

Season 1: Bill Rancic
Season 2: Kelly Perdew

See? Man, Woman...oh. wait, Kelly was a Man, too? Ok, Man, Man...but I predict #3 will be a Woman...and #4.

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

1: Adrianne
2: Yoanna
3: Eva

Woman, Woman, Woman...Geez, why hasn't a guy won this? Still, I predict UPN will crown a Woman in Season 4...and, to go out on a limb, I predict a woman in Season 5 as well...call me crazy!!

So there you have it... draw your own conclusions, but I think there is a fix in Reality Land.

Honorable Mentions

A few Honorable Mentions in the "TV Wives Who Married Down" contest.

Grounded For Life

Megyn Price

...and her tv husband...

Donal Logue

The Simpsons

Marge Simpson

...and her tv husband...

Homer J. Simpson

TOP 5 TV WIVES WHO MARRIED DOWN

Over the past several years, I have noticed a trend in television. Yes, there are more Reality Shows, but the trend I am talking about isn't the sprouting of unpaid people eating bugs, but rather the Un-Realistic coupling of today's tv couples.

It seems that the women on tv are always super hot, and the husbands are, to be blunt, schlubs. Here is my Top 5 TV Wives Who Married Down...

#5: Tie: Yes, Dear and According to Jim.

Yes, Dear
Jean Louisa Kelly

...and her tv husband...

Anthony Clark

As you can see, Jean Louisa is not a bad catch. Anthony Clarke, however, is a dork. On the show, he is also a whiny little girl. An obvious "downgrade" for Miss Kelly.

According to Jim
Courtney Thorne-Smith

...and her tv husband...

Jim Belushi

Jim Belushi isn't a bad looking guy, and his brother was the ultra cool John Belushi, but I still think we have a mis-match here.

#4: Listen Up!

Wendy Makkena

...and her tv husband...

Jason Alexander

Love ya, George Costanza, but you don't deserve Ms Makkena.

#3: Everybody Loves Raymond

Patricia Heaton

...and her tv husband...

Ray Romano

This is a no brainer. Patricia Heaton is not only one sexy momma, but Ray is a doofus who plays golf, neglects the kids, and basically, does nothing!! She definately married down!!

#2: King of Queens

Leah Remini

...and her tv husband...

Kevin James

Kevin, oh, Kevin. You are one of the funniest guys I have every seen, but you do not deserve Leah Remini. Just look at the picture!!! Smokin'.

#1: Still Standing

Jami Gertz

...and her tv husband...

Mark Addy

I want to say Leah Remini is better looking than Jami Gertz...but I just can't. And look at the husband!! I would take Kevin James over Mark Addy...if I was a girl, of course.

Congrats, Jami Gertz, you settled WAY too low. You could have done much better!!

SOLD!!

That last post...the one about the Sebring for sale...yeah, forget that.

It's gone. Good riddance. I liked the car, but the "problems" were so overbearing. It was time. The saddest part was that I didn't even have the car long enough to bond with it. Yes, I bond with my cars. Haven't you ever named your car? Well, the Sebring didn't get a name.

(The Escort I had before that, for, like 10 years, was affectionately dubbed Betsy...just in case you were curious.)

Becky and I travelled down the road in our PT Cruiser (Becky's car) looking for a replacement for the Sebring, which sat, dead, in the driveway. We stopped a few places...saw some overpriced cars (2004 Mustang Convertible for 28,000? YIKES!!) and finally ended up at Fletcher Chrsyler.

Here's the condensed story on our dealings with Fletcher Chysler.

We bought the PT Cruiser there. A year later, we bought the Sebring there. The Sebring, as I have mentioned in the past postings, was, for the most past, a turd. The battery had to be charged a week after we got it, and 4 months later, the battery was replaced all together. I called Fletcher up, and they said,

"It's past the 3 month warranty, sorry, nothing we can do."

Nothing we can do? How about treating your repeat customers with some respect and at least looking at the car. I should have known that's how they operate. When we bought the Sebring, it had new rims, and the dealer rims were in the trunk, and they were part of the deal. When we picked the car up...the rims were gone. We eventually got them back, but, come on.

So, we stopped anyway. I have a knack for wanting to trust people who are not to be trusted. Becky kept the car warm, as I wandered inside to inquire on a newer Sebring. Why another Sebring? You try to find a cheap convertible!!

The salesman quoted a few prices, $11,000 for the '01...$18,000 for the '04...then he pointed in the direction of the PT Cruiser Convertibles...

Becky and I had tried to get one in the summer, but they were $32,000 and $600 a month. OUCH!! But here we stood, on the USED car lot, staring at a PT Convertible.

I won't tell you how much the car was, but let's say it was about half the cost of the new one. I grabbed Becky, and we hashed out a deal. It was a good one, too. We shook hands and agreed to bring the Sebring to him the next day.

One problem...the Sebring was dead in the driveway, it was 8:30 pm, we still had to eat dinner, and the CAR WAS DEAD!! We drove our dueling PT Cruisers back towards Columbus (yes, we took the new car home...I had to have something to drive to work!!) and made the plan.

We could either replace the battery or charge it. Since Auto Zone was probably closed, and I didn't find taking the tire off and changing the battery in 20 degree weather appealing, we opted for the charge. (Plus, it was a good chance to stick a crap battery on the people who stuck me with a crap battery.)

We ate, and I headed towards the 'Burg for my dad's charger. 10:00pm, 30 minutes one way. Oh, well. I got the charger, got back home and hooked the car up. The key locks worked, so I knew we were in business. I would leave it on over night, and all would be well.

This is the part where all was not well.

After charging for 18 HOURS, I unhooked the battery charger at 5:00pm the following day, cranked the engine, and...nothing....zero....zilch...NAAKA!!

I frantically started to tear the tire off the car, determined to replace the battery and make it to the appointment we set for 6:30pm. I got the tire off, pulled the flap in the wheel well off, and I heard the door unlock. "What the ...?"

It seems all I needed to do was wiggle the wires. I got up, cranked the car, and it was alive. I left it running (for fear it would never start again) as I replaced the flap and the tire. I washed up, and we headed off.

On the way to Franklin, I talked to my Sebring, begging for it to start "one more time" so the dealer would give the green light. I even named the car on that last trip...Goldie (the car was gold colored.)

We listened to "Daughters" by John Mayer, and "Lady" by Lenny Kravitz...and together, we made it to the dealer. Funny part was, the dealer didn't even try to start Goldie. I guess they had faith that if I could drive it there, it would start again. Suckers!!

After we signed the papers, it didn't matter if they could start it or not. At that point, there would be "nothing I could do."

97 Sebring Convertible For Sale

Why is it that things go wrong when you really don't want things to go wrong? You know what I'm saying...
...the A/C doesn't break down when it's "fairly hot", it breaks down on the hottest day of the year...

...the transmission doesn't drop right after you get your tax check, it drops when you are dead broke...

Things like that.

Well, after my interview, I got back to work in Columbus. At the end of the day...the car was dead. I jumped it, ran it for about 25 minutes, and went home. I hit the power lock and nothing happened...this is, keep in mind, right after I turned the car off. I put the key back into the ignition and turned it. Dead.

This happens every year. Right when it gets cold...really cold. I end up walking to work. NOT FUN. Couldn't have happened in the summer, could it? And gas is only $1.59. Would have been nice to lose the car when gas was $2.00 a gallon, but no!!

The first year I got the car, I had to replace the battery. The next year I again had to replace the battery...twice. I had the alternator checked, and it was fine. I had the connections and the wires checked, and they were fine.

What's draining the battery? At this point, I don't care. Three years, 4 batteries?

My buddy said to replace the wires...I told him I'm going to replace the car.

Anybody want a 97 Sebring Convertible?

Job Interview

I had a job interview the other day with Cummins Engine Company. If you know anything about Columbus, Indiana, you know about Cummins. My dad works there, and has for a long time. As he put it a few years back, "25 down, 25 to go."

The interview was in Seymour, 20 miles away. No biggie, except I had to get up a lot earlier than I normally do. I'm not much of a morning person, but I managed. When I arrived, I was taken to a small room and questioned, poked, prodded, attacked...

It was two and a half hours of tourture.

Ok, so it wasn't torture. I had three seperate interviews, and each time the people asked me the same questions.

"Tell me about a time when you multi-tasked in order to ... blah, blah, blah."

Of course, I totally went into Saleman voice mode...

"Well, Mr. Jones, I'm glad you asked that...."

I think overall, the interviews went fairly well, but I won't know anything for awhile.

Ain't the English Language Fun?

Becky and I were at lunch today, and the topic of conversation turned to what we were going to make for dinner. (Yes, it does indeed take a special person to talk about a FUTURE meal, while consuming a CURRENT one.) We then realized we neglected to get anything out of the freezer, and thusly, all of our choices would be frozen.

This is where the conversation took a philosophical turn.

"I will dethaw the hamburger when we get home." Becky began. "Or is it thaw?"

Wow, I thought dethaw sounded right, but why would you de-thaw something? Wouldn't that mean you were actually freezing it? De meaning un. Or is that even right?

We pondered that for a few moments before coming to the conclusion that "thaw" was a funny sounding word.

Anyhoo, according to Dictionary.com, both thaw and dethaw mean the same thing. I won't bore you with the dictionary definition, but it was basically "changing from solid to liquid."

Just another example of how difficult we make our language. I personally still like the conversations my dad and I had about the word regardless, and his struggle to convince me that irregardless or regardless both could be used.

(NOTE: from dictionary.com

"Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term.")

So, there.

Move Over, Einstein

The dream is over.

Jeopardy champion, Ken Jennings, has been defeated. Tuesday night, Jennings lost to California Real Estate agent, Nancy Zerg.

Here are the Ken Jennings stats:

$2,520,700 in prize winnings
74 wins
Average of: $34,063.51 per show
$75,000 in one game
2,700 + correct answers given
150 contestants defeated

Zerg defeated Jennings in Final Jeopardy. Zerg ended with 14,001 to Jennings 8,799.

The Final Jeopardy Awswer:

Most of this firm's 70,000 seasonal white-collar employees work only four months a year.

What is H&R Block?

Zerg answered correctly, Jennings wrote Fed Ex.

At least she beat him by getting the question correctly. (too bad Ken lost 10,000 on blotched Daily Doubles).

For his troubles, H&R Block offered Jennings free lifetime tax help, which he graciously accepted. Their first task? How much taxes would be taken out of the enourmous prize.

Answer: $1.04 million.

After the show, Jennings said: "I'm actually cheering for somebody to beat my record. How cool would that be? But, realistically, I don't think there's much of a chance ... So many lucky things had to happen. Everything had to fall the right way."

Well, let's just hope Nancy Zerg isn't a fluke, and can actually carry the torch for a few games. Is she still on there? Maybe she lost last night, I don't know, without Ken, I have no reason to watch.

(SIDE NOTE: I would like to add a BOO to channel 13...the station which airs Jeopardy...for it's poor placement of advertising. Alex told the contestants that the Final Jeopardy catergory was Business and Industry, and then the station took a commercial break. The last commercial before the show came back on was a promo for the News at 11. The segment they featured?

"Tonight we talk with Ken Jennings about his run on Jeopardy."

Why not just say, Ken losses tonight on Jeopardy? That was poor.)