The Final Table

The pressure had been mounting all night. Play smart, play well, and above all, win. It wasn't the $5 buy-in that was at stake, it was pride. I threw my five bucks on the table, adjusted my Salty Dog hat, and assumed my game face.

I closed my eyes and saw the 1991 Chicago Bulls in their pre-game huddle.

"WHAT TIME IS IT???"

"GAME TIME!!"

Texas Hold 'Em may be a game of skills to some, but I think it is a game of luck, by and large. Yes, you do have to know what to do with the cards when you get them, when to bluff, when to hold and fold...but if you don't get the cards, you're just screwed. I was having a fairly consistent night out of the gate. Win some, lose some. To my left lurked Becky, "The Black Widow" ominously looking for the right moment to attack. Next to her was Billy "The Kid", guns drawn and ready for action. Across the table sat Dave, "Big D", arguably the most experienced and skilled of all the players. To my right was Scott, "Crankenstein"...a formidable opponent who wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.

The blinds started at 10/20, and the action was furious. It was when they reached 50/60 that things started to change. "The Kid" was feelin' loose all night, betting on a crap hand, betting on a great hand...eventually, he was stomped out by "Big D".

The first casualty of the night.

The chips had been fairly even until "The Kid" was put out, at which point "Crankenstein" began to run the table. His no non-sense approach (coupled with the fact that he had a lot of chips and could play any hand without much trouble) made him nearly un-beatable. "Big D" knew that, so he went all in.

"The Black Widow" followed her prey and matched "Big D's" bet, but when the cards flopped, "Big D's" hand was too much for her. A few hands later, "Big D" successfully put "The Black Widow" out.

It was down to three.

"Big D" and my chips were about even, but we knew we had a long way to go to catch "Crankenstein." The deal came, and I was staring at pocket ten's. "Crankenstein" folded, but "Big D" stayed. The flop came, and I hit trip 10's. I pushed all in. "Big D" called.

I stood up and flipped the 10's over. Once "Big D" saw I had him beat, he slammed his huge forearm on the table, and in a cloud of curse words, flung his cards at me. I had doubled up, and "Big D" was seriously short stacked.

"Crankenstein" sensing both "Big D's" frustration and his own discomfort with the chairs, tried to call for a three way pot split. $5 for "Big D", $10 for him and $10 for me.

He asked me one hand too late.

I felt like I could actually pull this off. I felt like the momentum had shifted my way. I declined his offer, and we played on. The next hand, I flopped a full house, and "Big D" was out.

The chips were nearly even going into the final two players. The blinds raised up to $1.00/$2.00 per hand. "Crankenstein" took a few hands, I took a few hands...the chips stayed about even. Something had to give.

The cards were dealt, and the flop came club, club, club. Having a club in my hand, I felt good about a flush. The next card came...club. I was looking at my chips, wondering how much to bet on my flush, when "Crankenstein," in obvious pain from the folding chair, pushed his chips in.

"That's it, I'm all in."

It didn't take me long to follow him in.

He turned over the 2 of clubs, and proclaimed he had a flush. It didn't matter, cause I did, too...and my club was the ACE.

"Crankenstein" took one look at the ACE, said "Thank God, it's over," and walked out of the room. I looked at the "Black Widow," told her to grab the money ($25 pot), and together, we got out of dodge...VICTORIOUS!!

The Final Table

Tonight is a big night.

Tonight I get to see if the countless hours of Arm-Chair Texas Hold 'Em Quarterbackin' will pay off. I am going to compete in my first Texas Hold 'Em tournament. I have the knowledge from The World Series of Poker (check your local listings for times and channels), I have my floppy Salty Dog hat to cover my eyes, and I have my $5 buy in. I'm ready to rumble.

Before I meet the likes of $2 Doli, Big Mama, and the Blackwidow, I must first take a crash corse from the greatest player of our generation...the Gambler.

He gave me some good advice, but what sticks with me is the following:

1. You have to know when to hold 'em.
2. Know when to fold 'em.
3. Know when to walk away.
4. Know when to run.

Good advice. The last thing the Gambler told me was:

1. Never, ever ever ever... under any circumstances, NEVER count your money when you're sitting at the table, cause there will be time for countin' ... when the dealing is done.

Now THAT is an ACE I can keep.

Thanks, Gambler!! Wish me luck!!

I Suck at Predictions!!

Well, it seems my predictions were about as good as the game itself...which isn't saying much. Here is the final tally on Tony's Top Ten Super Bowl XL Predictions.


click on picture for larger view

As you can see, the Bettis "Detroit Story" prediction, the Shaun Alexander prediction, and the "No Wardrobe Malfunction" prediction are the only 3 I actually got right. (Unless you count the fact that the Steelers won, and the Seahawks lost...sorry to commtentor, James, who said the 'Hawks were gonna win.)

If you were curious, mom and dad joined Becky and I to watch the game, so I wasn't alone!!

TONY'S TOP TEN SUPER BOWL XL PREDICTIONS

The National Football League is holding Super Bowl XL (that's 40, for those of you who don't read Roman Numerals) in Detroit, Michigan this Sunday, the 5th day of February. The game will feature the Steelers of Pittsburgh, vs the Seahawks of Seattle. In keeping with the festive nature surrounding the game, I felt it necessary for me to don my Nostradamus hat, and make a few predictions about the game.

Without further ado, here are:

TONY'S TOP TEN SUPER BOWL XL PREDICTIONS

VS.



1. The Pittsburgh Steelers will be victorious, scoring 35 points.

2. The Seattle Seahawks will be defeated, scoring 24 points.

3. Jerome "The Bus" Bettis will score a rushing touchdown, throw his arms in the air and scream...then the camera will cut to his parents cheering in the crowd, while the announcer talks about how "The Bus's parents have never missed one of their son's games."


Jerome Bettis

4. The announcers will re-hash the whole "This is Bettis's last game, and how fitting is it that it is in his hometown of Detroit" story at least 5 times, and I also predict an NFL Sob Story "Looking Back" segment before the game that features Bettis and his career, and the Detroit link.

5. Ben Roethlisberger will pass for 350 yards...

6. ...he also will gain MVP honors. (I wouldn't be surprised if Bettis gets the MVP, seeming the Detroit connection, and the fact this is his last game...in his hometown).

7. Seahawk running back, and MVP of the NFL, Shaun Alexander will rush for under 100 yards.

Shaun Alexander being gang tackled.

8. After the Steelers gain the victory, the announcers will be quick to make comparisons between Ben Roethlisberger and Patriots QB Tom Brady. I also predict the announcers will go as far to say the Steelers will be the next NFL Dynasty.

9. Aretha Franklin WILL NOT have a wardrobe malfunction while singing the national anthem, and by the grace of God, neither will Keith Richards while performing at halftime.

10. I will sit alone in front of my 60 inch TV, and cry a single tear because everyone made plans to watch the game with other people.


Check in Monday to see my accuracy rating!!

Pictures of Wanda

Our policy here at "Get Out Of Life Alive" is to never negotiate with Anonymous commentors, lest they gain the upper hand. However, I am ready to break that rule for the Anonymous poster who left a comment on the last blog I wrote (Winnie or Wanda)requesting pictures of Wanda (Lisa Dean Ryan), because they claim that I, of all people, am trying to sway the voting towards Winnie (Danica McKellar).

I should be furious at the accusation. But, I am willing to swallow my feelings and come at this from a true professional approach. Even though it was difficult to find pictures of the lovely Ms. Ryan, I found a couple.





There, Anonymous, are you happy?!?