The Dangling Item

There are only a few good things about going to work. Ok, maybe there isn't anything good about going to work, but one good thing at work is the Office Vending Machine.

Ah, the vending machine...providing me with a little something on the maid's day off, or, more appropriately, on the mornings I get up so late I forget to grab a Toaster Pastry. The Office Vending Machine also is a good topic of conversation:

"Hey, Mike, did you see there are Powdered Donuts behind the Danish Roll?"

"Damn, I need to find someone to buy that Danish Roll!!" (NOTE: Fat chance of that, Mike!!)

Today, as the day was winding down, I decided to grab a candy bar from the Vending Machine, you know, just to take the edge off...I can quit anytime I want!! Anyway, as I scanned the Vending Machine for the 3 Musketeer bars, I noticed every Vending Machine snacker's dream.

The dangling item.

Oh, yeah, you know what I mean. The dangling item occurs when the poor fool before you inserts their money, only to watch in horror as the coil twists, and said selection gets stuck before it falls to the tray below. The selection in question...Hostess Twinkies.

Mmmm...Twinkies.

Seeing the dangling item, I acted fast. I quickly surveyed the breakroom to see if anyone was around. I was in luck...no one was even lurking in the hallway. I put my hand on the top of the machine, tipped it off the ground a few inches, and let it careen to the floor. The whole machine rattled, but the Twinkies held their ground.

I repeated my gameplan a few more times.

Look, lift, drop, repeat.

Same results.

Knowing that Twinkie was stuck for good, I had to make a quick decision. I could either:

1. Let that Twinkie dangle, get the 3 Musketeer and be happy with my lower calorie decision.

or

2. Go for the double. Buy one Twinkie and get the second one free.

I should have went with the lower calorie 3 Musketeer, because, as you know, it now has half the fat...but I didn't.

I did the double.

I took my two packages of Twinkies back to the office, ate a pack, and put one back for later. Now I have heartburn, probably well deserved, but who can resist the Dangling Item??

So You Want To Be a Rock and Roll Star

I knew it was bound to happen. Somewhere, somehow, and, most importantly, sometime. Bedford was the somewhere, and the sometime was Saturday, May 13th.

I became a rock 'n roller.

Becky, my friend Toby, and I traveled way down south, to Bedford to watch Bad Monkey perform. (For those of you not in the know, Bad Monkey is a Smokin' Hot band from the Columbus, Indiana area consisting of Dan Stadtmiller on lead vocals and guitar, Hiram Davis on vocals and guitar, Travis on the drums, and Double D...Doug Dishman on bass.)

Soon after arriving, Dan began his usual inquiry about me performing a song with them. Of course, I always would make like the Magic 8 Ball and say "Maybe", "Ask again later", and "Outlook Not Good." On that night, however, "All Signs Pointed to Yes."

In the middle of the second set, I could see Dan was having a little trouble battling a bout of Bronchitis. His vocals were good, but not the normal strong vocals I was accustomed to hearing. Then, my moment came.

Dan: "Man, I'm dyin' up here, people. I'm gonna need a little help on this next number. Tony Gillespie, buddy, I need you to sing this one."

Me: Looking shocked and surprised - "Wha? Me? What song?"

Dan: "Hey Joe."

I pushed the chair back and walked to the stage to perform Jimi Hendrix's first single from 1966, "Hey Joe."

Hiram tore out the opening riff, and I was off. I made it through the first verse pretty well. I forgot my place once, but was able to fake it through...no one noticed. I had trouble figuring out where to come in on the second verse due to the extended solo Hiram was lying down, but I jumped in and finished the tune up strong.

My first real performance! (NOTE: Gillespie: Unplugged and Red Faced on Red House do not technically qualify because, while a lot of people were present, they weren't actual paid gigs for me ... no this one wasn't, either, but it was for Bad Monkey...you get the idea.)

I received some positive feedback from the crowd, and I felt great to be able to have the confidence to even try it. I credit Dan for that. Overall, I think I did alright!!

But, please, no autographs!!

Black Dress Blues: UPDATE!!

I don't like to leave you guys hangin' ... I decided to take a visual poll to see how many guests at the wedding wore black dresses, just to see if it is as "faux paus" as Becky had thought it to be.

Here are the results:

Total # of women wearing black dresses to the wedding: 15 *

Oh yeah, I guess black is the new...um, whatever color people use to wear to weddings!!

(* results not typical. 15 black dress total based on a Catholic wedding in 2006 with a full house of guests. Women were looked at based solely on their dress color...because why else would I look at a woman?)

I Pity the Fool

My cousin, Scott, works at a college. I'm not at liberty to say which one, not because I shouldn't, just because I don't think it's important. Anyway, he does some financial aid stuff there, and he decided one day to make a little inspirational poster for the college.



(For those of you not in the know,
this handsome fella is Mr. T, who was
on a show called "The A Team"
in the '80's . I removed the school's
name from the form he's holding, to
protect the innocent...or in this case,
Scott.)

Well, a co-worker was looking one day for a good marketing scheme to help get the students motivated to accel, so Scott offered up the Mr. T poster. Underneath Mr. T was a blurb that read:

Be a part of the "A" Team!! Join ... (information about the college).

The picture was hilarious in itself, but I pointed out the irony of a school having a poster up that obviously had improper grammar in it. Scott's answer to that made me laugh so hard, I about chocked...

Me: "Don't you think it's bad for the poster to say "I pity the fool, who DON'T stay in school?"

Scott: "Mr T claims poetic license, fool !!"

Man, that's funny...

Congrats!!