My Interview with Ben Tebbe: The Comcast Guy

As I was getting ready to watch Big Brother the other day, I was stopped in my tracks by a commercial that came on for Comcast. I immediately sat up in bed, and with my mouth agape, I began swearing to Becky that I knew that guy in the ad.

"I know him, I swear...I went to school with that guy," I kept repeating. I ran down and grabbed my yearbook and flipped it open to the Senior pictures...



Becky took one look and agreed. It was Ben Tebbe. I made a quick search of the internet and quickly found that it wasn't a Ben Tebbe look alike, but rather, the real deal. I was stoked!! I actually knew and graduated with a guy who was in a commercial!! Soon after, I emailed him through MySpace and congratulated him for the ads. I threw a handful of questions his way, and he was very quick and generous with his answers. The below interview blossomed...enjoy!!

Let's start with the now famous Comcast ads. How did Comcast approach you to be the face for their service?



Ben Tebbe: "I actually got the gig through my agent, Helen Wells. She called me in for the audition. This particular audition was a bit strange, because typically the client (the ad agency or whoever) isn't there...it's just me and a camera. But this time there were two guys from Asher Agency in the room. I read the copy, and then they gave me a little direction and had me do it again, and then I left. I was actually pretty sure when I left the office that I didn't get the job. But then a couple of days later my agent called me and said they wanted me for a 2 day shoot."

Are these purely localized ads, or are the commercials televised all over the country?

Tebbe: "They are regional spots. They are playing in the Indianapolis and Ft. Wayne markets."

I've seen several variations of the commercial...one with a cheerleader, one with a dude playing some sort of odd guitar type instrument, etc...How many adds did you make?

Tebbe: "In that first 2 day shoot we filmed 5 separate commercials. All of them on the same 'factory/conveyor belt' set."

I've heard a rumor about a billboard and possible voice work on radio ads, can you confirm this??

Tebbe: "It is true. There are billboards all over the Indianapolis, and I assume Ft. Wayne too. Maybe other places, I don't know! They don't tell me. I'm everywhere. I'm so sorry the drivers of this fair city have to put up with my mug. And yes, I've done 5 radio commercials for them, too. There are also mailers now and ads in newspapers." (Editor's note: If anyone has a picture of said billboards, or any of the mailer ads, please let me know, I would love to post pictures!!)

While I'm sure it's awesome getting free internet and phone service from Comcast, I bet it would be even sweeter to get to keep that bitchin' shirt you are wearing in the ad.

Tebbe: "HA! I wish."

Did you get to keep that shirt?

Tebbe: "No! Can you believe it?? Although I had one college "so called" friend, tell me mechanic blue wasn't my color. Bitch."

Whoa! Easy there fella!! Why doesn't your name tag say Ben? It says Steve or something...

Tebbe: "Yea, my name is Mike in the ads."

That seems kinda strange...What are you suppose to be in the ad? A comcast guy? An everyday working Joe? Just plain Steve...ahem, Mike?

Tebbe: "Good question! I don't know. Nah, just an everyday working 'Mike'".

Was that really your niece in the commercial?

Tebbe: "Nope. That sweet little girl is actually the daughter of one of the ad guys. But it's funny....in the original copy (script for the commercial that they had me read at the audition) it was a nephew in Minnesota. And I really have a nephew in Minnesota. Maybe that's why I got the part."

I bet it made your read through more believable!! You just downloaded, what sounds like, some sweet bluegrass or folk music...did the directors ask you for input on your music preference, or did you get stuck with bluegrass/folk?

Tebbe: "They did not ask me. Although I do like some bluegrass music...and this guy was really good! He's playing what's called a bouzouki. It's kind of like a mandolin."

Bouzouki

If that is your musical preference, who are your fav folkies? If not, please hit my readers) up with some of your fav. musicians.

Tebbe: "My radio is usually tuned to either 92.3 WTTS or 90.1 WFYI. Yep, I'm a big NPR geek. Doesn't really jive with the Comcast guy image maybe, but. Some of my favorite musicians...hmm...Van Morrison, Beatles, Buffet, U2...gosh, I don't know. I'm not that picky really...But I do love show tunes :-)"

You looked way excited about that explosion happening on the tv behind you. You asked: "did you see that?" Then you proceeded to get us all psyched up for a replay, because you have DVR...then, you never showed us a replay, only the Comcast specials...What's the deal with teasing us like that??



Tebbe: "You want to talk about a tease...I didn't even get to see it during the filming! I'm looking at a f*#@ing green screen! Don't talk to me about being teased."

Sorry!! Don't go all Incredible Hulk on me there, Ben!! Ha ha. Being that we both graduated from Greensburg Community High School, home of the Pirates (GO BIG BLUE!!), couldn't you have talked the directors into putting blue and white on that cheerleader, instead of red, white and blue?? That's, like, South Decatur colors or something, isn't it?!?



Tebbe: "North Decatur actually. Their like dictators these art directors. They want no input from the talent."

I've spoken briefly with some of our old classmates...Kristy Schwendenmann said it was "crazy" to see you on tv. Cory Sullivan called and asked me if it was really you, and Chris Johnson said, "I've been seeing Tebbe, like, 10 times a week. Everytime I yell "BEN TEBBE!" and Jaime tells me to stop it." (Consequently, I now also yell, "BEN TEBBE!" when your commercial comes on...it's great fun...)

Anyhoo, my question is, how have you been received by your peers so far? How about on the streets? Anyone stopped you yet, asked for autographs, stalked you...any interesting stories?

Tebbe: "It's been fun. I've been getting back in touch and receiving emails and messages from a lot of people from HS and college. That's been really cool. I don't think people just recognize me on the streets....But, I am on a social networking site, and I received a friend request from some girl I didn't know who wrote in the message along with the request that she had seen my commercials and wanted to know if I was single. Not sure how I feel about that yet."

Television stars do get the ladies, Ben...some are crazy, but what can you do??

In high school, I was the Yearbook editor and look at me now!! I'm writing a blog with the readership of at least 5 people...You were involved in several extra curricular activities in school (Student Council, National Honors Society, Silhouettes and Shadows), you co-founded GTV (a television new program featured at our school), you performed in many plays (Fiddler on the Roof, Christmas Carol, etc.),you were the co-salutatorian of our class (remember who the other co-salutatorian was??) and now you are in Comcast ads and are the co-founder of a theatre company called Heartland Actors Repertory Theatre. Obviously, the moral of this for the kids is...GET INVOLVED IN MORE EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES!!



But seriously, can you tell us a bit about your theatre company?

Tebbe: "Absolutely! my favorite subject. My theatre company is called Heartland Actors' Repertory Theatre (www.heartlandactors.org). A couple of other professional actors and I formed the group back in the fall of 2006. We are currently homeless, which is common for newer groups. But we have a world premiere of a really funny play coming up. MIDWESTERN HEMISPHERE by Lou Harry and Eric Pfeffinger opens at the Indianapolis Artsgarden March 28 and runs through April 13. This is the first full theatrical production ever in the Artsgarden. Check out our website for more details or friend us at www.myspace.com/heartlandactors"

What has been your most memorable performance success wise...most memorable personally?

Tebbe: "Depends on who you talk to. One of my favorites has been Gorey Stories with ShadowApe Theatre Company. We've done it three times. What a blast."

What's better...having a smaller crowd and getting a standing ovation, or having a larger crowd who is relatively uninterested?

Tebbe: "I'd much rather have a small engaged crowd. Don't care about standing ovations....just want them to be engaged and care about what's happening on stage. If they aren't....probably means I'm not doing my job."

Has anyone ever really "broken their leg" at a performance? Man, I bet that would be awkward!!

Tebbe: "I've not been in a show where that has happened...but close. During a couple month long performance of TWELFTH NIGHT, a fellow cast member twisted his ankle during a show. His understudy went on for about a week. Another time, during a run of ROMEO AND JULIET, I'm playing Benvolio and I'm in a scene with the actor playing Montague (Romeo's dad, for those who have slept since freshman English class). We are about three lines from finishing the scene, when he stops his line short. He just stops talking and looks at me. So, after a short pause, I say my next line and he exits stage. I do the next scene with Romeo, and as we finish and are about to exit, the stage manager comes over the 'god' mic and says "Hold, please." We have to stop the show. Turns out, Montague immediately started yacking the second he got off stage. Had some bad fish the night before. So we had to stall the show about 15 minutes until an understudy could get there to take over."

Who do you think is more famous...Ben Tebbe, the Comcast Guy...or that Delivery dude from the Goodwill commercials? (Did you know he's really a delivery guy for Goodwill? Weird, eh?)

Tebbe: "I did not know he was really a delivery guy. Good for him! He's totally more famous. Although, you're about the fifteenth person to draw a parallel between me and the Goodwill guy. My mom being the first. I've always thought I was a little cooler than that guy....maybe I need to reassess my life."

No, I think you are doing just fine.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for graciously answering all my questions. It has been my pleasure to interview you. Continued success!! Oh, crap...I mean "Break a leg!!"

(FYI, the co-salutatorian was Julie Brinson...do you know what ever happened to her? I wonder if she's making Dish Network commercials somewhere...)

Tebbe: "I know she went to Rose Hulman....but haven't talked to her or heard from her in years. Have no idea where she is."

So, Julie Brinson, if you are out there, Googling your name somewhere and come across this page, hit me up. I would love to interview you next!!

I encourage you all check out the following:

Heartland Actors' Repertory Theatre presents the world premiere of
Midwestern Hemisphere: a suburban metaphysical comedy
by: Lou Harry and Eric Pfeffinger
March 28, April 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13 @ 8 pm
At the Indianapolis Artsgarden
Tickets can be purchased at www.heartlandactors.org
or by calling 317-796-2222.
www.myspace.com/heartlandactors

Going Green

I've been hearing a lot about "going green" and you know what, I think I'm finally buying into the thought.

Going green means celebrating St Patrick's Day, right??

Happy St Patrick's Day everyone...I would write more, but i'm just too worn out...

Snowy the Snowman

Friday, March 8th, we got hit by snow...hard. Not the two feet that dumped on Ohio, but still, a good 10 inches. Sunday, I went out to do my duties of shovelling the pathway from the car to the house when I realized this wasn't just your ordinary, powdery snow, it was good hard packing snow! Well, do you think I'm going to pass up the opportunity to build me a snowman?? HECK NO!!

(click on pictures to enlarge)

Snowy, as I call him, began humbly enough with a small base.



I quickly figured out that the base was way to small, so I began to add to it.



It became apparent that my original idea of building three spheres and stacking them was not going to work...



So, I grabbed for more snow, and decided to make one big mound, then sculpt it into Snowy's final form.



I added snow...



...and more snow, til I decided this was just as high as I felt like going.



Then, I worked on smoothing Snowy's body out with a nice cold, snow rub down.



The next step was shaping the head, as you can see below.



Then, I notched out Snowy's body.



A little more smoothing to the head.



Some finishing touches...



Voila!! Me and Snowy, Friend's Forever!!



And you know friend's help friends, so I gave Snowy the shovel and let him finish up...I found out a little later that Snowy sucks at shovelling snow. He claimed it was "too sad...it's like I'm scraping up my dead snow friends." Wuss!



All in all, it took about an hour and a half, but I had fun. Then the sun came out, and I had to re-name Snowy as Michael "Snowy" Jackson cause his nose fell off. A couple hours later, I re-named him again as Chunk "Snowy" The Big Goon from Goonies cause his eye started to snag real low on his face, and he kept screaming "HEY YOU GUYSSSSSS!"

By the next morning, Snowy was pretty much completely gone. But we'll always be friends!!

(Dedicated to the memory of Snowy...the Michael Jackson/Chunk Snowman!!)

Leap Day

HEY EVERYBODY, IT'S LEAP DAY!!! YAY, LEAP DAY!! It'ssssss...ummm...leap day?!? Err...ahhh, yeah, leap day...

Anyhoo, so, leap day, yeah, great, fantastic...see you in another 4 years oh fabulous leap day.

False Negative 2: My SECOND Ebay Dispute

I guess I should consider myself lucky. I've been on ebay since 2000, and have had little problems with buyers or sellers. You might recall I had my first Ebay dispute awhile back (if not, read this: False Negative).

Well, I just had my second Ebay dispute, and, if you have the time, I would love to share the story with you.

I was selling a few records on Ebay, and everything was going smooth. People would win and pay me, I would ship out. They would receive their item, positive feedback was left, and everything was fine. Until "Kentucky" emailed me a couple weeks after the auctions had ended. The email was short and sweet:

I bought your item and was wanting to know if you have shipped it yet, and when.

I emailed him back right away and told him I shipped the package out the same day I left him feedback (which was January 22nd...I even said in the feedback that the LP's are on the way...)

His response...and even more curt:

You need to go to the post office and find out why I haven't gotten my package.

Excuse me? I need to what?? I tried to compose myself, as I wrote back explaining I took the package to the post office, mailed it Priority Mail, and that was the end of it. I couldn't do anything else because there was no way to track a package that had no tracking on it. It was, I tried to explain, like putting a letter in your mailbox. Once it's gone, it's gone. You have to have faith the post office will get it to it's destination.

I thought this would appease "Kentucky", but obviously, it did not. He responded: (and I apologize for the spelling errors, I wanted to keep his emails exactly as he sent them to me...)

You do not understand, when a package is shipped priority, the is a paper trail. That crap of there is nothing more you can do won't fly here. I need your input so I can file a complaint with the US Postal inspectors. Mail theft is a serious crime, and they are serious about it. So is mail fraud.

Either you come up with proof you sent the package, or refund my money. If you do neither, I will be in contact with the proper athorties.

This is not MY problem, it is YOUR problem. Please note that the package was sent to a post office box. The package was never delivered, so it was stolen while in the care and coustody of the SUPS, or it was never sent. Remember, they also have a COMPLETE COPY of ALL the transactions that took place that day. Still I find it hard to believe that someone with 600 feedback has not learned to keep reciepts.

Anyway, YOU need to go down to the Post Office, or I will go down to the Federal Building and talk to a US Postal Inspectors.

Holy cow! I felt like he was attacking me, and I did NOT like it. I responded:

With all due respect, I do not appreciate the manner in which you are speaking to me. Please refrain from accusations if you do not have the facts correct. I am a long standing member of the Ebay community, and to accuse me of mail fraud is serious slander and I do not appreciate that.

With that being said, I work in a mailroom and have access to a postage machine here. I weighed, mailed, and took the package to the post office and dropped it off. No receipts. You can ALWAYS send Priority mail WITHOUT A RECEIPT. All you have to have is the proper postage. You could put it out in your regular house pickup if you wanted. You don’t have to have a receipt.

So, thusly, I recommend you go and talk to your USPS Post Master and get a lesson on how things work before you decide to falsely attack my credibility again.

I am sorry, as I said, there is nothing else I can do.

That didn't work, either. His reponse:

I can not insure aganst the seller not sending it. Like i said, if the item was mailed prioity, THERE IS A PAPER TRAIL.

You may not like my tone, but you are the one who can not prove shipment has taken place, and you are telling me tough luck.

That is not the way it works. you may be a trusted member of the community, but you are human and humans make mistkes. the greatst mistake is to assume you are infallible.

I paid with paypal.
It was to sent to a CONFIRMED address, where there is no record of the package.
You need to prove shipment or paypal will rule in my favor. PERIOD.

I urge you to rethink your position.

He urged me to rethink my position?? My position is I didn't do anything wrong!! There was nothing more I could say, so I responded:

I gave you the only thing I could to prove that I mailed it, and that is my word. I don't know what more you are asking me to do. I never had a receipt, because there was no receipt, PERIOD.

I will not change my position, because I am not in the wrong, no matter what you say. I mailed the item. I mailed it, I mailed it!! Send me a link to a page on USPS that says there is a paper trail with Priority Mail and I'll apologize, but there is none.

Please understand, I could assume (like you are assuming) that you are trying to rip me off. But I do not believe you are. I believe that the USPS made a mistake, and that makes them fallible, not me. I did what I was suppose to! And, also, please understand that my hands are tied. However you want to me scream it, there literally is nothing I can do.

This is getting us nowhere, file if you must. Like I said, Priority Mail doesn't necessarily have a paper trail. Certified, Registered, Delivery Confirmation all do...Priority is just regular mail that is suppose to get there faster. No paper trail, I'm sorry, but no.

File with Paypal, let them sort it out.

And file he did. He immediately filed a claim with Paypal, and they contacted me. His side of the story was:

I paid for the item, used my confirmed shipping address which is a US Post Office Box. The package was never deliverd, according to the seller, it was sent. The package was never out of the hands of the USPS.Seller tells me there is nothing more I can do.I want ebays help to prosecute fraud complaint.

I tried to not break my computer reading that last line "I want ebays help to prosecute fraud complaint." Everything else was fine and truthful...but he wants to prosecute? Give me a break. I added my side of the story:

"Kentucky" emailed me regarding this lost package, and his information as stated below is correct. He did pay for the item on January 20th, and I mailed the package to his PO Box on January 22nd via USPS Priority Mail(at this time, as is customary for me, I left him positive ebay feedback which states his package was in the mail.) The buyer did not purchase Insurance, did not ask for Delivery Confirmation, did not purchase Registered or Certified mail, or any other traceable method. Therefore, as I tried numerous times to inform the buyer, there is no way to track this package to see what happened to it. Simply put, there is nothing more I, or anyone can do. The package is lost, and while I am sorry about that, my hands are completely tied. "Kentucky" then proceeded to slander my name and reputation as a honest member of the Ebay community by accusing me of mail fraud, claiming that I must have not sent the package, because I have no "paper trail" proving I sent the package. I tried to explain to the buyer that you don't necessarily have a paper trail with Priority mail, you can, in fact, put the correct number of stamps on the package and send it from your home for example. I work in a mailroom, so I posted the package myself and delivered it to the post office with various other parcels and mail pieces from my company, none of which turned up missing besides "Kentucky's" package. Like I said, he paid, I sent, the Post Office must have lost. Why would I risk my reputation by ripping "Kentucky" off for 11.50??

Oh, I didn't mention the records he bought only cost $11.50? Well, they did, and I would have probably just gave him his money back...but it was the principle of the situation. I wanted to teach him a lesson about being nicer to people, instead of attacking them.

His second Paypal response:

Try to see things from my point of view,
I bid on auction,
I won auction,
I paid for auction,
I never recieved auction,
Seller tells me he can not prove shipment was made. Seller says thats it. What would you do if this happened to you? Bid, Win, Pay, where is it?
My Tough Luck?

My follow up:

Try to see things from my point of view,

I posted item,

I sold item,

I shipped item.

Where is my merchandise??

Do I get that back if I refund your money? No.

So, you're telling me that if the post office loses something I should be out the merchandise, but you shouldn't be out of your money?

This wouldn't happen to me, because I would have PURCHASED INSURANCE ON THE ITEM! Then you would be able to: 1. Track the item. 2. File a claim with the USPS for a lost parcel. You need to understand that this is not my fault.

We both loose. This isn't just about you, please understand that. I cannot prove it was shipped, just like you cannot prove that you didn't receive the package. I believe we are both honest people, and that isn't the case, but can't you see the dilemma? Millions of people send mail every day, and the post office is bound to mess up once in awhile. We both fulfilled our end of the transaction. You paid, I shipped. At that point it is simply out of our hands. At this point we have to rely on a middle man. That middle man, the USPS, dropped the ball.

There is nothing else that can be said.

Neither one of US are at fault. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't blame you, I would be disappointed, as I am sure you are, but I wouldn't blame you because I know it wouldn't have been your fault.

I'm not going to change my mind on this. We could go around in circles forever on this, but it's getting us nowhere. At this time, I am going to escalate the claim to a dispute because I feel we are never going to see eye to eye on the matter.

I probably shouldn't have jumped the gun, but I was tired of arguing. I escalated the claim to a dispute, just so Paypal would sort things out, and I would be done with this stupidity. How could I possibly loose this case?? After I escalated the dispute, I added my defense:

I think everything is spelled out in the dispute conversations between the buyer and I. The facts, which I don't believe either of us are disputing, are this: He won my auction and paid on January 20th. I shipped his item on January 22nd. At that point I left positive feedback noting that his item was on the way. I shipped the package via USPS Priority Mail. Since I work in a mailroom, I was able to post the item on my personal postage machine and take the mail to the post office with my business's bulk mail. This is a common practice for me. I mailed several piece out that day, and other mail arrived, so I believe this to be an unfortunate, isolated misplacement of his package by the USPS. Priority mail CAN be sent without a receipt, because I do it all the time. Therefore, I have no proof besides my 600+ unique positive feedback rating to back up my claim that I am an honest seller who would not risk his reputation by scamming someone for 11.50.

The seller and I could not amicably work this out, as he immediately decided to attack my credibility and attempted to slander my reputation by claiming in email correspondence that I purposefully committed mail fraud. I did not appreciate the vicious attacks, so I am escalating this dispute to a claim myself because I do not believe he can be reasoned with, and I do not believe that I am in the wrong.

He paid, I shipped, the USPS lost the package. He did not ask for, or purchase Insurance, Certified or Registered Mail, or Delivery Confirmation. I am sorry his package is lost, but it was by no fault of mine. I have all the email correspondences between the buyer and I if you need them.

And then, I waited. After a few days, I checked in on my Paypal dispute, and the status was "Waiting for seller's response." Since I had already left a response, I felt like maybe Paypal was unaware that I (as the seller) escalated the claim instead of the buyer, as would be customary. So, I called them.

Paypal: "Thank you for calling Paypal Dispute Resolution, how can I help you?"

Me: "I had a claim brought against me, and I escalated it to a dispute. The status says "waiting for seller to respond" and I already did. I don't want you guys to rule against me because you think I didn't respond.

Paypal: "You, as the seller, have to click on the respond now button."

Me: "Yes, I did that, and the only options are...1. Provide tracking information. 2. Provide a refund. or 3. Provide proof of a refund. I don't want to do any of those things."

Paypal: "You don't have tracking information?"

Me: "No, I sent it Priority Mail...no tracking."

Paypal: "Well, then, you are going to loose this claim."

Me: "...what?"

Paypal: "The buyer has Buyer's Protection, which means if the seller cannot prove he sent the item, then he is at fault and will loose the claim. If you have tracking information, you will never, ever loose a claim."

Me: "So, you are telling me I can go right now on Ebay, but something for $5,000, pay for the item, and if the guy doesn't ship it a traceable way, I can just say I didn't get it, EVEN IF I DID, and he would have to give me my money back, and I could keep the item??"

Paypal: "Yes. If he didn't ship it a traceable way, that is right."

Me: "That is a bunch of crap...ok, whatever, thanks..."

I was shocked, and defeated. How could that be? I would think that if he didn't pay for it to be traced, it would be his fault!! But, no. The Paypal man said "buying insurance or a traceable method is for the SELLER'S protection, not the BUYER'S."

I waited, like the Paypal guy told me, until my third notice to give information, and then, also on the Paypal guy's recommendation, I provided a tracking number of 0000000000000 saying that I shipped it Priority Mail and had no tracking number. The paypal guy explained to me that I should just "put something in there, because usually the package shows up eventually and that would buy some time."

Paypal emailed me and said the dispute was in mediation, and they would contact us both when they decided who was in the right. I knew I was going down, but I wasn't going to concede. I also felt sick to my stomach that I was going to have to eat crow and pay this joker back, and I wanted to wait as long as possible before that happened.

A few weeks past, and I got a response from Paypal:

We have completed our investigation of this case. The buyer has notified us that an amicable resolution has been reached. This case has been closed. No further action is required of you at this time.

Huh, the case has been closed? Amicable resolution?? At this point, I wasn't sure what was going on, so I checked my email, and saw there was an email from "Kentucky." It was the most articulate email I had received yet, it read:

The package came yesterday. When I opened the box and saw what it was, I went directly to the window and pointed out that it came that day (2-22) and pointed out that it was postmarked 1-22, and it had been shipped priority.

The clerk was sorry, but there were no explainations.

In the last two years, all the unfunded mandates of the present adminstration have created long lines, and lower quality service in the Postal System. I have sold via the US mail for a number of years, and this latest experience has made me re-think my own shipping practices.

I am sorry it happened, I feel I did the right thing. The package could have easily been lost behind the back seat. We are all human.

Feedback is coming next

At this point, I was just overjoyed that he got the dang package, and I didn't have to pay him back. I was still uneasy that he didn't apologize for the accusations, but, like I said, I was glad it was over, and decided I didn't need to have the last word, so I left it alone. Later that day, I got the biggest shock of the whole ordeal when I saw what he gave me for feedback.

Positive Feedback: Very best kind of eBayer, easy transaction, fastest shipment, HIGHLY RECOMENDED!

After a month of back and forth, a Paypal claim and dispute, and a package that arrived a month late, he says "easy transaction"?? "Fastest shipment"??

Maybe that was his apology.

(Editor's Note: I did email him again, and thanked him for the feedback and told him I was glad the package arrived to him. I was going to tell him to quit being a meanie, but I decided to leave it alone.)

Dark Side of the Rainbow

People often tell me I have too much free time on my hands. I probably do, but I think it should be noted that whoever came up with the whole "Dark Side of the Rainbow" theory has way more time on their hands than I.



For those of you not in the know, the "Dark Side of the Rainbow" theory is the phenomena which occurs when you play Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" in sync with a muted "The Wizard of Oz" movie. Floyd's music has always been somewhat linked with the stoner community, and apparently the "trippiness" of the "DSotR" theory is amplified even more so than by just listening to Pink Floyd by itself.

I wouldn't know, I'm not a stoner.

However, yesterday, I recruited Becky and together we dove into the "Dark Side of the Rainbow" theory to see if it held any water (without drugs, Becky and I are not stoners...haven't you been reading, I think I just said that a minute ago!!). I wanted to experience this with someone else, so I could bounce theories off of them, and get a general impression as to whether what I saw was a true sync, or just a stretch.

As the black and white lion on "The Wizard of Oz" roared for the third time, I unpaused "Dark Side of the Moon" and our journey began. At the beginning, I can't say I was exactly impressed. There were a few stretches...when the lyrics "balanced on the biggest wave" plays (from the song "Breathe"), Dorothy jumps up on the nearby fence and begins to walk across it like a balance beam...she falls as the song switches from "Breathe" to "On the Run" (which is actually kinda cool, because "Breathe" is a mellow song, and "On the Run" picks up intensity, which mirrors the scene a bit, because the farm hands rush to Dorothy's side when she falls making for a tense scene.)

Here, not even ten minutes into the movie, I turned to Becky and said, "So far, I'm not impressed." But then, things started to pick up. As the chimes began to ring at the beginning of the song "Time," Almira Gulch (the lady who is coming to take Toto away because he bit her) is seen riding on her bike...when the chimes stop, she dismounts her bike. The music is ominous, foretelling of great despair.

Numerous lines from the song seem to match also...especially when "no one told you when to run" plays as Dorothy is walking away from home with Toto, among others. Then, the solo of "Time" plays as the scene switches to Dorothy approaching Professor Marvel's travelling fortune telling wagon.

After a few more vague interpretations are made, Dorothy picks up her purse, and the song "The Great Gig In the Sky" begins. This is the main sequence of the whole experiment in my opinion. Dorothy walks away. Then, you can see the tornado coming as a man is saying "I am not afraid of dying."

The drums kick in...a tree is uprooted by the force of the wind.

A lady begins wailing on the song as the storm's intensity picks up...a door flies from it's hinges, furniture falls from the porch, Dorothy stomps on the storm door...then, as Dorothy seeks shelter in the house, the window flies off and hits her in the head coinciding with the easement of the lady's wailing...Dorothy begins dreaming.

The house is picked up in the tornado and spins as the music swirls. The music sounds like a dream...and as the tornado stops, so to does the music. Dorothy opens the door of the house and you hear the first cash register "cha-ching" of the song "Money." The film, at this exact point, turns from black and white, to color.


("Cha-ching, indeed!!)

The song plays on as the film shows the new Technicolor land of the Munchkins. Then, Glenda the good witch flies in, just as the song plays the sax solo on "Money." The song takes on a joyful connotation, as Dorothy and Glenda take in the scenery, and meet the Munchkins. Several little things mesh well...I'm still a little in awe of the whole tornado scene, so maybe I'm just in a euphoric mood, who knows. All I can say is I was thoroughly enjoying it.

The Munchkin montage continues through "Us and Them" (which coincides with the ballerinas from the Lullaby League and the fellows from the Lollypop Guild...us and them??) "Any Colour You Like" signifies a switch in scenes, as Dorothy begins her journey on the Yellow Brick Road.

Then she meets the Scarecrow as "Brain Damage" plays. I kid you not, "Brian Damage" comes on when she meets the Scarecrow, the one without a brain. Lots of talk about a lunatic in this song, as the Scarecrow bounces around, like a lunatic. Weird.

Not as weird as the next song. "Eclipse" is playing when the Scarecrow and Dorothy encounter the Tin Woodsman. The song fades with the sound of a heartbeat...yes, they are taping on the Tin Woodman's chest as this is playing. Very strange.

As per the instructions, we had the cd on repeat...and it opens with a heartbeat, too. The heartbeat thumps as the Tin Man sings, "If I Only had a Heart." A lot of things continued to match up, but I will skip ahead to some main things I noticed.

When "The Great Gig in the Sky" played the first time, I felt the anticipation of the impending tornado. The song is heavy at first, but almost feels dreamy (as Dorothy is dreaming). It feels mellow. The second time around, the song plays as the Wicked Witch of the West is releasing the flying monkeys. The song seems to bring a feeling less mellow, and more of despair.

The same thing happens with the song "Money." On first pass, it's whimsical and makes you feel awe as the colors flood the screen. The second pass makes the song feel heavy as it plays when the Witch spells out Surrender Dorothy in the sky and the hunt is on to capture Dorothy.

Unfortunately, I didn't know the lyrics to the songs and I couldn't really make a lot of correlations on that end, but I caught a few at the end of the movie. As the lyrics "The time is gone, the song is over" plays (from the song "Time", now playing for the third time) Dorothy's trip to Oz has ended. As the singer sing's "Home, home again" Dorothy is back home in Kansas. And we hear "to hear the softly spoken magic spell" as Dorothy chants "There's no place like home."

There are literally dozens of other things, both big and small that I didn't mention (I think I have said enough already). Some have to do with the lyrics, and some have to do with the changing moods of the film and the introduction of characters (or character's speeches) corresponding with the changing tempos of certain songs. Overall, I have to say it is quite an experience. While there were a lot of moments that didn't match at all, there were more than a few that did. And we just had to let our imagination control the rest.

(As a side note, I've read that instead of looping the CD, you can play other cd's once "Dark Side" ends, like Pink Floyd's Animals and Meddle. Anyone care to test these theories with me??)

Maybe You Can Go Home Again

Volleyball is in my blood.

It always has been, probably always will. My dad still plays, and he's 58 years old and just had a hip replaced. He's played longer than I've even been alive, and I have to say, playing with him is one of my favorite things in this world.

It's kinda weird that I began to reflect on my life in volleyball this year. I definitely am a sentimental kinda guy, so of course I still have the first t-shirt I ever won (from 1992), I still have the bronze medals from the White River Games (92-94), the Gold medals from the USVBA Regional Championships (1995 and 1998), other various newspaper clippings, photos, awards, etc...of course you are going to keep all that. But this year, I really started thinking about my roots as a player.

Dad would always take us to the Greensburg Armory and the YMCA for various volleyball leagues when my brother and I were just kids. I practically grew up at the Armory, and I still consider that gym my "home court." But my brother and I never got a taste of the action until one fateful night in a little town called St. Paul.

My dad had been going to open gym at St Paul forever, and we would tag along, run around the gym screaming and causing trouble while dad played. But one night they didn't have enough to field the teams, so dad asked if we wanted to play. The year is debatable...I figure I was older than 10, but dad reasons that Andy (my brother who is 2 years older than me) won his first tournament at age 12 which would mean, since we began playing at roughly the same time, that I was younger than that. Anyway, the moral is, I got my start at St Paul.

Now, first of all, I must tell you St Paul is not your ordinary open gym volleyball playing. St Paul was, back then, a rough group of mostly older players whose motto was: "IT'S ALL LEGAL IN ST PAUL."

Sounds like a nice bunch, right? Well, for the most part, I have fond memories, but I still have no clue how dad ever got hooked up with the barnyard play of St Paul. I guess volleyball is in his blood, too, and he played whenever he could, against whoever he could. I understand it now, because he never played illegally. He played to make his game better. And Andy and I emulated that, and made our games better.

Well, we played at St Paul for years and years. Even after we started winning legitimate leagues, we still went back. It was like the Armory...it kinda felt like we belonged. It kinda felt like home. We knew the people, we knew their style of play, but somehow, we transcended that and tried to bring some legitimacy to the newer groups that came. We tried to give back to the younger generation, just like dad did for Andy and me.

When we started playing USVBA (United States Volleyball Association) ball around 1994, 1995, I decided to give up St Paul. Now I can say it was to save wear and tear on the ailing knees, but in all honesty, I quit going there for open gym because I was scared I would get hurt. This was a place where the net was frequently torn down by an opposing player hanging on it trying to make a play. And center line??? It didn't exist at St Paul, which made twisted ankles and knees likely, if not expected.

Andy and dad continued the tradition, but I gracefully bowed out of the St Paul limelight, and never went back.

Until a few weeks ago.

It had been 12, 13 years since I played a game at St Paul, but the new Co-Ed Greensburg league season was starting, and Becky really wanted to get some practice in before it began. Our only option was St Paul. Dad convinced me that the play had improved greatly, and the injuries and the torn nets had decreased in frequency. I was nervous...about playing there, about getting hurt, and most of all, I was just nervous to go back after all those years.

When we pulled up to the gym, all the old memories came flooding back. I couldn't believe I was there again, it felt good to be back. I walked into the gym to see it hadn't really changed much. A new floor, new ceiling, same old St Paul gym.

Only one of the original St Paulians that I knew from back in the day still made the trip, most of the others were too old, or lost interest. But one guy still kept the whole thing going, and he welcomed me back with a hug and almost a tear. It was like a family reuniting after a long absence.

We played our games, won some, lost some, but laughed the whole time. Don't know if it helped Becky or my game any going into this, my 18th season of Greensburg Volleyball, but I know it felt good going back...if just for one night.

See you again in 10 years, St Paul...

Two Double-O Eight

Two double-o eight. And thus, a new year begins. It's January 9th, and I feel ahead of the game as I usually don't get my first new year blog in until closer to the end of the month...let's review:

January 2005: First blog, 28th
January 2006: First blog, 31st
January 2007: First blog, 24th

I rest my case.

Ok, I'll be the first to admit this blog doesn't quite have the substance that those past, late blogs did, but just take what you get, alright? Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you, you know I love you, dear readers, and I appriciate your support. (Special shout out to Sue, my number one blog fan!!)

I really don't have much to say, as it is early in the am (for me anyway) and I just felt the need to reach out and speak a few words. I promise more meat on the next blog's bones.

Happy 2008!!

(PS...Why doesn't regular X Box have Guitar Hero?? That just pisses me right off. X Box 360 has it, Playstation 2 (or is it 3??) has it, Wii has it, but NOOOOOO X Box doesn't. That just burns my biscuits!)

Ok, that's it.

The McDonald's Mission

I did it for you.

Well, not entirely for you, but I have felt that, over the past few months I have been neglecting you fine readers, and I vowed to change that if I could. How?? By doing more things that would warrant good blogging. Last night, I thusly embarked on a challenging mission...mostly for you.

In Columbus, we have three McDonald's. The one on National Road was actually deemed one of the "Busiest McDonald's in the area," or the state, or something, I can't remember. Anyway, a few months back, they decided to tear it down, and re-build it...bigger, faster, better.

The newspaper advertised the Grand Re-Opening for Thursday, December 13th at 12:01 am. That's pretty early, or pretty late, depending on your sleep patterns. I initially blew it off, cause...well, it's McDonald's grand re-opening...who cares, right?

Wrong!! Also in the article they said: "The first 150 customers will receive a card good for ONE FREE BIG MAC A WEEK FOR A YEAR!!" Holy cow!! I like Big Macs...I LOVE free Big Macs. I was in. But first, I needed a plan.


(Window cling from the Grand Re-Opening)

The way I figured it, the article was hidden on the 8th page of the paper, and who reads the 8th page of the paper anymore? I thought I'd get there at 11:30, get in line, at midnight:01 I would get my free Big Macs, and back home. Easy, breezy, Japanesey.

At 11 pm, I decided to leave a bit early, which turned out to be a great move. I took my tape recorder along to record my reaction...here is a transcript:

Me: "Ok, it's 11:07, I am travelling down 25th Street, approaching the 25th Street, National Road intersection. Down the road from that is where the new McDonald's is. Ok, I'm turning onto National Road right now, we'll see what kinda line we have. Um, so far I don't see anything...I'm passing CVS Pharmacy, Blockbuster on my left. Um, no foreseeable lines, of course we are still some 50 minutes from the 12 o'clock hour. I do see the McDonald's sign ahead, um, still no foreseeable crowd as I'm approaching...I'm passing Rally's and Target right now, and I'm coming up onto the McDonalds, and actually I don't see very much action, I'm getting ready to pull in right now..."

At this point, I thought I had it in the bag. Not much action, awesome, in and out. Then, the voice on the tape changed...

Me: "Oh, yeah...there is some action actually...ooh, quite a bit of action. That's ok, cause I'm still gonna get in here...oh my goodness, they are camped out...around...the corner. This is ridiculous...oh...my...goodness. Ok, this is a little more people than I thought. Holy *bleeping* *bleep*...they are all the way around the *bleeping* building, I can not believe this. Ok, I'm going to get in line."

I drove the rest of the way around the parking lot, and ending up crossing the road and parking at Target across the street.

Me: "Ok, now the question is, do I want to stand in line for an hour, in the cold, in the rain, and possibly not even get my free Big Mac's, or do I want to scrap the mission? Um, it's a difficult decision, oooohhhhh, there's two things I could do...I could go around and count the people in line, or I could just go stand in line and hope. I mean, what do I have to loose, right?? Oh my gosh, it's 11:10...it's starting to rain, but I've decided I'm going to do this thing...out!"

I crossed the street and got in line. I was in luck...kinda. the manager was handing out grey raffle looking tickets to exchange for the Big Mac coupons, but he ran out about 10 short of where I was. It seemed I was 160th or so in line. I didn't make it...but wait!! The manager pulled out a handful of blue raffle looking tickets, explaining to the remaining 10 people or so that he didn't have any more Big Mac coupons, but didn't want us to go empty handed, so he gave us one free egg McMuffin a week for a year coupons!! It's not a Big Mac, but it's free. I took a coupon, and waited. (I found out a little later that I was actually, like 210th in line as a girl ahead of me proudly posed with the last Big Mac ticket for a camera man, exclaiming: "I'm the 200th Big Mac winner!!")

Then it started pouring!! Me, in my infinite wisdom, did not bring an umbrella. In fact, I didn't even wear a jacket. I had on a thin sweater (in and out, remember??) I stood, shivering for what seemed like forever. Then the time was announced by a watch wearing guy behind me.

11:20.

Crap! I'll never make it...

Well, somehow, between the young couple behind me, the funny guy to my right, and the conversation I had in my head about the 5 year old a few feet in front of me, I made it to midnight:01.

(Just as a side note, I think the grandfather who had his shivering, crying, almost asleep grandson in the damn cold like that for HOURS should be severely yelled at or something...that's child abuse or something, isn't it?? It should be!)

The line slowly snaked around the building. At 12:20, I was at the final corner. Some high schoolers who were first in line, ( I found out they had been there since6 pm!!! And you thought I was nuts!!) were loading up the couch (yes, the COUCH!!) they brought, and were taking down the awning thing they set up. When they clicked the legs to break the awning thing down, the rain that had collected on top rushed like a tidal wave onto one of the boys. Everyone in line laughed and pointed to the point where the kid ran away in shame...it wasn't really that funny, we were just ready to be done with the whole thing, and the awning thing was set up right in the middle of the sidewalk and they were hitting people with the legs of it trying to take it down. Anyway, finally, at 12:30, I was inside the doors. I waited patiently as the line feed it's way past the counters. At 1:00 am, I got my voucher, ordered a Big Mac meal, and left for the car. Wet, cold, tired, and at this point, hungry.


(Success!!)

I got back to the car, and turned on the tape recorder for one final set of refrains.

Me: sounding tired...teeth chattering noticeably..."It's 1:07...I've been standing out here in the rain all night long...(uncontrolled, psychotic giggles)...I think I was, uh, two hundred tenth in line, and I got a free egg mcmuffin a week for a year...man, I'm freezing...uh, probably cause it's been pouring down rain all night. I got a Big Mac meal, I'm gonna eat when I get home...uh, that's it."

After the short drive home...

Me: "Uh, I'm pulling into my drive way now, a bit warmer. It's 1:11 am, and this ordeal is finally over with the commencement of me eating my Big Mac samich...yeah, Peace Out!!"

I think I was a bit delirious at that point, as I entered into this Michael Scott from the Office voice...oh, and I used the word samich. Only grandma's and crazy people say "samich." No, I didn't just say Grandma's are crazy people..I said Grandma's AND crazy people...oh, leave me alone!!

The weirdest part of this whole thing...I've never even had an Egg McMuffin samich before!! Maybe once a long. long time ago. Dang, I sure hope they are good!!

5 More Things That Make Me Mad

I was driving home from work the other day and the radio DJ said something that made my skin boil...but we'll get back to that in a minute. First, I would like to share with you a list of 5 things that make me mad (keep reading, the radio story is coming up at # 1...how's that for a tease??)

#5: TV Show "Adults" are now younger than me.

I'm a big fan of TV, as you all know (or should know by now), but it wasn't til recently that a light bulb went off in my head. I was reading about the Writer's Strike on Jenna Fischer's MySpace page (she plays Pam Beesley on The Office, for those of you not in the know) and I happened to glance over to see that she's 28 years old. 28!! Damn, a full 2 years younger than me. I guess this bothers me because when you are younger, you fantasize about the cool jobs you see on tv (you know, Jenna Fischer plays a receptionist!!) and you think "when I grow up..."

Well, when the heck did I grow up? I'm not complaining about my job...heck, I'm at my job as I type this...I'm just saying, getting older is a hard pill to swallow.

(Check Jenna's MySpace at: Jenna Fischer's MySpace

#4: Eating Alone.

I guess this one makes me more sad than mad, but still. I use to go out for lunch with Becky...now she works in Shelbyville. Then I went to lunch quite a bit with my cousin, Scott...now he's in Batesville. Now when I go to lunch, I eat alone. Maybe I should stop eating out so much...

#3: Typing Errors.

First, before you call me a hypocrite, let me explain. We all make mistakes. We all occasionally spell a word wrong, or use grammar incorrectly, it happens. What I am referring to is one word in particular...well, technically, it's two words.

A LOT

I physically cuss the computer when I see some one spell it as one word, "alot." Kids, "alot" is not a word. Period. It's a lot, two words. Need a way to remember that? Think of this sentence: "Would you like a little, or a lot?"

Now, would you ever in your life type "alittle" as one word? No, everyone knows a little is two words!! Well, A LOT IS TWO WORDS, TOO!!!

Ugh, I hate that one.

#2: Victoria's Secret.

Watch this clip, if you can:

Victoria Secret Commercial

Ok, if you are like me and don't want to leave this post to watch a video, I'll recap:

The video shows Victoria Secret model Miranda Kerron in the newest bra from VS. She has on some wings and she is reciting a little (not alittle, but A LITTLE) limerick.

Here is the limerick:

"There once was an angel so fair,
Whose bra was lighter than air.
The reason you see,
and it's no mystery,
her bra cups were made out of air."
-------

Ok fine reader's...would you like to know Victoria's Secret??

Shhh, don't tell anyone...

THE STUPID COMMERCIAL WRITER'S RHYMED AIR WITH AIR!!! Oh Moses smell the roses!! That makes my head explode!! Honestly, you couldn't find another word that would have fit in there?? Bare, chair, hair, lair, mare, nair, pear, stair, tear...

How about this:

"There once was an angel so fair,
She made people stop and stare.
The reason you see,
and it's no mystery,
Her bra cups were made out of air."

If VS would have went with that, I wouldn't bust a blood vessel every time that stupid commercial comes on. Never, never, ever ever ever rhyme a word with itself...take note all you budding limerick writer's, poets, song writer's, and bathroom wall scribblers!!

(Oh, and before you guys out there go crackin' wise about "I watched the commercial and I didn't even realize she said anything!" and/or anything about my being gay, let me just add that I am very thankful for the Mute button...because Miranda Kerron is extremely hot...so, shut it!!)

#1: DJ's

Hello again, thanks for reading down to #1...I knew that little tease at the top would work, you silly readers...so, how's it going? Having fun? No? Dang...just keep reading, please?!?

You know in a previous post, I ripped radio stations for cutting songs off before they are over. If you haven't read it, do so here: 5 Things I'll Never Understand Well, I have a new complaint about radio "DJ's."

I was listening to the radio, and "Rebel Rebel" came on. I like Bowie, so I listened and sang along as best I could remember. When the song was over, the DJ came on and said:

"That was "Rebel Rebel" by David Buoy." Yes, I realize he didn't spell it out, but he pronounced it Buoy (like a floatation device in the water) instead of BOWIE rhyming with Joey. For those readers who didn't know how to pronounce it, or maybe to those who aren't old enough to know who David Bowie is...I will give you a pass, because not everyone knows how to pronounce every name...I understand that.

HOWEVER, I can NOT give a pass to a radio DJ when they can't pronounce the name of a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted musician ON THE RADIO. What's next...

"Hope you all enjoyed "Heartbreak Hotel" by the King of Rock n Roll, Alvis Prasley..."

I hope that guy got fired. Ok, I don't hope he got fired, but I certainly hope he got a stern talking to!!

Play on Jimi

Some of my earliest childhood memories involve music. Before I was even a teen, I remember listening to the oldies station on a little radio in my room. The 50's crooners, the Motown Sound of the 60's, the guitar rock of the 70's...I can almost hear my little crackly voice singing along to "Signs" by the Five Man Electrical Band.

"You can't even watch, no you can't eat
You ain't supposed to be herrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee
The sign said you got to have a membership card to get inside
Ugh!"

Then, one day, I ventured into my dad's record collection. Mom and dad had a turntable (still have it) but for some reason one of the speakers didn't work, and for some reason, if you had the headphones on, one ear didn't produce sound. Didn't matter though, you could hear everything you needed to in one ear, right?

Well, for the first album I chose, that was true. Roy Orbison's Greatest Hits. The Big O recorded a lot of his earlier stuff in mono, so having one speaker didn't matter. During this oh so impressionable phase in my musical life, I had a four album rotation...Orbison's Greatest Hits, The Doors - Stange Days, The Beatles - White Album, and an album called Smash Hits by The Jimi Hendrix Experience.

Those of you who know me, know I am a big Bealtes guy. Some say you're either a Beatles fan or a Stones fan...well, my friends, I am a Beatles fan. Still love Orbison, too...but my all-time favorite has and always will be James Marshall Hendrix.

You want to know why?

Cause the first time I listened to a Hendrix album in stereo, the dude nearly blew my mind! You cannot, I repeat CANNOT listen to Hendrix out of one earphone. This guy had the mix flying from one ear to the other in the headphone, and musically, he did things that actually made guitar gods like Clapton and Pete Townshend (of The Who) declare "this is the guy that's going to put us out of a job."

Today, November the twenty-seventh, would have been Jimi's 65th birthday. He was born in 1942, but died an untimely death in 1970, 2 months short of his 28th birthday. The man did more for music in that short life, than many can accomplish in a lifetime...think of the songs...

Purple Haze...Foxey Lady...Hey Joe...Fire...The Wind Cries Mary...Stone Free...

And all of those are off of his first album! So, I decided at lunch today to pay tribute to my all-time fav, by putting on his first studio album, 1967's Are You Experienced (ranked #15 on the Rolling Stones all time greatest albums) and enjoying the ride.


(Are You Experienced - Jimi Hendrix Experience - released in August of 1967 - original tri-colored Reprise labeled lp, catalog number RS 6261 (for you record geeks out there, like me.)

Here's a few other pictures I snapped today for everyone to enjoy.


(Here is my display of Hendrix album re-issues...all factory sealed, along with all 3 of his 45 rpm box sets (45 rpm picture sleeves on top shelf, boxes on the ground next to case).


(Closer view of the 45 rpm picture sleeves.)


(Closer view of the sealed albums (except the purple box set at the top right...it is unsealed.) 17 great lp's...hard to believe that Jimi only released 3 while he was alive! You can see them on the top shelf, left side...Are You Experienced, Axis: Bold as Love, and Electric Ladyland...I recommend you ALL go seek out these three albums, CD's, or downloads.)

Ah, play on Jimi...

Sign O' The Times

Apparently, at this church, "When it pours, God REIGNS." Unfortunately, whoever put up the sign doesn't have spell check...

Multi-Party Tipping

Awhile back, I blogged about service in restaurants, and the practice of tipping, even when it may not have been warranted. If you haven't read it, check it out here:The Perfect $5

Saturday introduced a new wrinkle in the tipping game, a little thing I like to call, Multi-party Tipping.


Saturday, Becky and I accompanied a group of 4 other friends to the Grand Victoria Casino. Before we entered the gaming arena, we decided to eat at the fabulous buffet. Twenty bucks a person is a little steep, but oh well, the food was pretty good...maybe not 20 bucks a person good, but still.

It's always been a pet peeve of mine when you have a "large party" of people with separate bills, all parties seem content to leave their own tips for the meal. If each person drops a Lincoln on the waiter, then he scores $15 for that hour on top of his wage. Let's do some math and see if this is really just me being a pain, or if I may be right on this one.

Exhibit 1: NUMBER OF TABLES

The way I see it, we were a party of 6, HOWEVER, we were only there for one hour and I know we were not this guy's only table. As a rule, I like to double the sales tax for the tip (more if the service was good, less if it was not good), so on a $40 bill, 6% sales tax is $2.40...doubled and rounded up, $5. If each each of the three groups leave $5, then he gets $15 for that hour, plus his wage, which, if we assume for the sake of argument it's half the minimum wage (because most waiters work on tips) then he's up to (approximately) $18 an hour. Throw in the 3 other tables he's waiting at $8 per table ($3 wage plus $5 tip per table) and he's making a staggering $42 per hour!!

Do you make that much? I do not.

Exhibit 2: THE SETTING

I will only touch on this because it shouldn't matter that much, however, we were in a buffet, and this guy only had to refill our drinks and take plates away. I should really be a waiter, cause that's not too hard to do for $40 an hour.

Exhibit 3: ONE TABLE, ONE TIP

I figure between the 6 of us, averaging 2 plates per person, you get about 12 plates for the waiter to clear. Well, what if Current World Hot Dog Eating Champion Joey Chestnut, and former Champ Kobyashi sat down together and cleaned, oh 30 plates each a piece? That would be 5 times more dishes than my party consumed, but they would leave the $5, double the tax tip. Is that fair? I believe one table, one tip. Maybe the tip calculation per table would be reflected in the number of plates, the number of visits the waiter made, or something like cost of one meal divided 5 (or something like that.)

The prosecution rests.

Now, defenders of the waiters may fire back with the following.

Exhibit 1 Defense.

If you like to pay double the sales tax, and were paying for the entire party, the bill would have been $120...sales tax on that is $7.20, making double the tax $14.40!! So, leaving $15, technically would have been double the total tax on the table.

Exhibit 2 Defense.

Do you really believe the only thing this guy does is fill drinks and bus your table? (Honestly, I've never worked in food service, how the heck do I know??)

Defense rests.

In my closing argument, I would like to say it's preposterous to think that for an hour clearing my table and filling my drinks, this guy deserves a wage higher than what I make doing my job...ok, my job's easy, so that's not a good argument, but that's a moot point. What I wanted to say is, I believe a simple group tip would have been more appropriate, instead of dropping $15 on this guy for his normal hours work. What about the girl who doesn't get a party of 6 table in her nightly rotation?? She only makes $30 an hour!! And that, my friends, is an injustice...

What do you think? Help me justify my position, or change my ways. Please leave me your verdict. Thank you.

(Please let me know your verdict on the BUFFET restaurant, and if the verdict would change for a regular sit down place...oh, say Outback Steakhouse for example.)

False Negative

Popular Science magazines in the '50's would have you believe that by the year 2000, we would have flying cars and people landing on the moon. Well, we didn't quite accomplish those things...what, we did land on the moon?? When did that happen??...anyway, my point is, we did have some other technological advances, namely a little website called Ebay.

Yes, Ebay was around before 2000, but my introduction to the site was slightly after we partied like it was 1999 for the very last time, and in February of 2000, I signed up and made my first purchase (I believe it was a sweet lot of Beatles LP's that I picked up for super cheap.) After that fateful transaction, I became hooked.

I currently buy and sell, and have a relatively modest 561 positive feedbacks from unique users (over 700 feedbacks total). In the nearly 8 years since I began, I have had ZERO negative feedbacks to muddy my reputation, and I have only received one Neutral feedback from this joker that only gave me a Neutral cause I gave him one...but that's a story for another time. Recently, I've been making some fat cash on some Beatles items I had multiple copies of, and everything was going fine...that was until "Canada"* came into the picture.

*name changed to protect the innocent, the guilty, or in this case, the Ass Hat Canadian buyer who gave me Negative feedback...wait, I'm getting ahead of myself...

The item was an original 1960's Beatles Yesterday and Today LP (mono version, if that kinda thing is important to you.) When the dust settled, "Canada" was the high bidder at $9.99 with $12.00 shipping.

I'll do the math for you...total cost 21.99.

He paid via Paypal immediately on the 29th of September. Since the 29th was a Saturday, I waited and shipped his LP out the following week. I went to Ebay and left positive feedback for him, as he fulfilled his part by paying me. All was well in Ebay land until the 17th of October, when I received an email from "Canada" saying the following:

I need to take action with PayPal and eBay I have not received my item . I have not heard from you .

Since this was the first I had heard from him, I thought it was odd he would jump straight to taking action. I searched my "Junk Folder" and discovered that a few days before he sent me another email asking:

Can you tell me when my LP was shipped ? It usually does not take this long .

I quickly shot him an email, explaining that I missed his first email, and I also explained to him when it was shipped, that is went through the USPS (Post Office), and I told him it could take up to 14 days. I said if it wasn't there by the 22nd, to email me back, and we could arrange for a refund of some sorts.

I guess he didn't want to wait. Soon after I sent the email, I received a few emails from Paypal and a company called Square Trade. Paypal's said:

Dear Sir,

"Canada" has opened a dispute for the payment made to you on Sep 29,2007 indicating that they never received the item.

Your Transaction ID:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Buyer's Transaction ID:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

There are many reasons why this might have happened. It could be that the item is still in transit or was accidentally delivered to the wrong address. Sometimes buyers open a non receipt dispute too soon because they underestimate how long it can take for shipping and delivery. By opening this dispute, "Canada" is asking for your help to resolve this issue. This is your best opportunity to resolve this problem before the buyer escalates it to a PayPal claim or files a chargeback with their card issuer.

Square Trade's email tried to get me to pay them $30 to get the negative feedback erased. NEGATIVE FEEDBACK?!? I opened up my Ebay and sure enough, "Canada" left me my first negative feedback in nearly 8 years...it said...

Have not received the item or refund lost my $12.00 shipping also scam!!!!!!

SCAM?!? Why in the world would I risk my entire Ebay reputation to scam this joker out of 20 bucks?? I fired back a reply to his feedback, saying:

560 unique + feedbacks, over 700 total. Why would I scam for $20? Lost in mail?

I then emailed "Canada" and basically asked him what the heck he was trying to pull? After all, I emailed him, told him all the information he wanted AND offered to work with him on a refund and he completely ignores that and files a claim AND tries to slander my name?

This meant war. The refund was officially off the table now. I was going to just give him his 20 back and call it a day, but now, the principle of the matter had taken over. I had done nothing wrong, and I would fight this dispute.

I clicked on Paypal to see that "Canada" had struck first:

I paid in good faith Sept 29/07 and I still have not received my LP or heard of any delay from you . Please give me my refund .Or ship my item and let me know when you have shipped it . After all I paid $12.00 for shipping it should have been here a long time ago .

He quickly fired again, this time cutting a bit deeper:

This seller continues to not communicate I think hes long gone and if not should be investigated and taken off eBay

Ouch!! I did communicate with him, but he wouldn't email me back! I frantically searched for the button on Paypal to log in my side of the story, but a button was not to be found. After 20 minutes, I found a phone number and called Paypal.

The Dispute Resolution guy said that since "Canada" had upgraded the Dispute to a Claim, the lines of communication were effectively closed for "Canada" and I to resolve the matter on our own. I explained to the Paypal guy that I didn't have an opportunity to respond, and he said to just email the resolution department with my side of the story, and it would be noted.

So, I did. I wrote my side, and I wrote it hard. This was my response, and every word is the complete truth...

I recently had a Dispute filed against me which escalated to a claim before I was able to enter any information in my defense. I am concerned I will loose this claim because of this, and I would like to take this opportunity to give my side of the story before my good reputation as an Ebay seller and a Paypal user are any more slandered.

On Sept. 29, an item of mine was purchased by Mr. "Canada". He paid promptly using Paypal. On October 2nd, I left a positive feedback for him, and on Oct 3rd, I shipped his item via USPS (United States Postal Service). As per my norm, I let the positive feedback act as my communication that the payment was received, and therefore, his item would be shipped immediately. Although I didn't mention in that feedback that I was shipping the item, I am a reputable seller who has over 700 positive feedback (from 560 unique buyers/sellers) and have never had a negative feedback against me. With that being said, I also work in "good faith" with my buyers that if I leave you positive feedback, I will be sending your item.

On October 3rd, I shipped the item to his Non-US Verified address in Canada via USPS. The buyer did not request it be shipped via a traceable method, nor did he purchase any kind of insurance protecting him from a lost package. This is unfortunate, because now the package is lost. There is nothing further I can do.

An email was received by me from the buyer which unfortunately went into my "Junk" filter, and I did not respond. Soon after, I received notification that a dispute had been filed. At that time I EMAILED MR. "CANADA" and apologized for not responding. I also gave him exactly when I shipped his item, and an expected time he could expect to receive the package. Instead of communicating with me, he ignored my email and left a negative, scathing feedback on my ebay saying that I had scammed him, and followed that up by posting a slanderous note on the Paypal Resolution Center claiming that I was not communicating with him, I was long gone, and I should be investigated and kicked off ebay.

I have done what I can, and I feel I do not owe Mr. "Canada" a refund due to this unfortunate Postal Service mishap that he neglected to account for. He held up his end by paying, I held up mine by shipping...the post office dropped the ball by losing the package, and without insurance, I'm afraid there is nothing else that can be done.

Please add this to my Resolution Dispute, so that I have a fair shake in this matter.

Thank you

I felt confident that I would win my claim when it came before the Paypal Board of Dispute Resolvers. All I had to do now was wait.

I didn't have to wait long. The next day, I received an email from Paypal saying that they received my version of events, and they passed that information on to Mr. "Canada". Shortly thereafter, I received an email from Paypal:

PayPal has concluded our investigation of the following

Buyer Complaint: Transaction Date: Sep 29, 2007
Transaction Amount: -$21.99 USD
Your Transaction ID: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Buyer's Transaction ID: xxxxxxxxxxxx
Case Number: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Because the buyer has reported that the claim has been amicably resolved,this case has been closed. Thank you for your cooperation with our investigation.
Sincerely, Protection Services Department

I also received an email from Ebay:

"Canada" has filed a request to mutually withdraw feedback for the transaction shown below. eBay allows members to withdraw feedback for a transaction if they both agree it is no longer appropriate.

REDEMPTION!!!

The only reason "Canada" put as to why he withdrew the complaint and feedback??

"Package arrived today, OCT 24...Post Dated Oct 1."

Hmmm, interesting that the package arrived the same day Paypal sent him my rebuttal...a rebuttal that would have effectively killed his case, as I was obviously not in the wrong in any way.

Whatever. The case is closed, I'm updated to 562 positive feedbacks with ZERO negative, and all is once again right in the Ebay World.

Haunted Halloween

(click on any picture to enlarge)

Welcome, guys and ghouls, to the great Halloween party known as the Gillespie House of Horror!! In collaboration with my mom and dad, Becky and I set up a party for our many nieces and nephews.



It was a great turn out with 10 adults and 13 kids...even some celebrities showed up!!


(Becky's brother Albert as Joe Dirt)


(Me as Napoleon Dynamite...take a good look, this may be the only time you see me in jeans or a white shirt!! Becky was Deb...I don't have a picture of her, but I'll get one.)

We started with a Kid's Fear Factor.


(Ralph, the Fear Factor Mascot)

After breaking the kids into teams, we began our first event where the teams would have to pick one member to eat each of three foods we deemed gross...Prunes, Plain Vanilla yogurt, and Spinach Lasagna Baby Food.


(Me and a cast of thousands begin the first competetion.)


(Natasha's face says it all, as she downs some delicious Spinach Lasagna Baby food...which I tried, and it's disgusting!)

Since each of the teams had one contestant finish first, we went to the tie breaker...Sardines!! Luckily for the contestants, it was California Girl Sardines, cause we all know the Boy Sardines are nasty!!

The next event had the contestants one by one stick their arms into a container and pull out objects...the highest team total after each kid got their 30 second turn was the winner. Oh, yeah, and the container contained 50 LIVE CRICKETS!!


(Xander arm deep in crickets.)

The third event was the egg relay. The teams lined up and the first kid would crack an egg into their hand, and would have to pass it to the next teammate, who would pass it to the last teammate, who would place it in a cup. Each team had to crack and relay 10 eggs, the most eggs won.


(Kelsi - pink hair - and Natasha race to fill their cups.)

The last event was the most disgusting. Each team would roll the dice once to get one liquid (either water, milk, or fruit punch) and roll the dice two more times to get two foods (candy bar, grapes, green beans, or hot dog). The teammates would each drink a cup full of the blended drink. What we didn't tell them was the fastest on each team would have to drink again to determine a team winner!


(Chandler, Xander, Paige and Logan drinking a very un-tasty Milk, candy bar and Green Bean mixture. "It's just like chocolate milk...with green beans in it" someone remarked.)


(The final face off pitted Kelsi, Aaron and Logan...Kelsi took one drink of the water, green bean hot dog mix before it came back up on her Panda purse...Logan spit a bit helping on the table. Aaron masterfully chugged the whole mix down, to win the event. I drank a cup of this, and it was straight nasty!!)

In the end, the team of Aaron, Natasha and Shelly won the Fear Factor, and Aaron won the Top individual performer.


(Aaron, obviously Fear is not a factor for you!)

After we ate, we took vote for the Best Costume Adult and Kid. The winners were...


(My dad as a Leather Face inspired monster. Or, "the Bloody Chef" as Chandler called him. Big ups to my mom for the execution of Dad's costume plan...dad had the idea, mom made it. Love that Leather mask, which mom actually made. He also had light up red eyes that were triggered by a switch in his glove that he actually made, and raised shoes that made him 3 inches taller...it was really cool.)


(Hailee...Becky's younger brother's daughter...isn't she so cute!!)

Next, Becky and I set up for the Haunted House. The kids split into smaller groups, and began in the first room, the Haunted Parlour.


(Haunted Parlour...at night, with the lights out and candles all around, it was more scary. Note the hanging goblet to the scary man's left.


(The Haunted Parlour also had a hanging vase of black roses.)

I think all the groups made it through this room fairly well, and Becky and I expected the first three rooms would be fairly tame...even maybe lame to the kids, with the basement providing the "action" because we were hiding downstairs...well, when the first group stepped into the next room, the ER Gone Wrong, all bets were off. Immediately, Paige (my brother's oldest, 10) began crying hysterically, and her brother Xander soon followed suit. I guess Dr Hack-Em-Up was too much for their young brains to handle.


(ER Gone Wrong. We had the lights out and a blue revolving light flashing on the scene. Little candle lights lined the bed, and for the Haunted House, the plastic container had chicken liver in it. Creepy laughs filled the room.)


(Close up of Dr Hack-Em-Up)


(Patient X's headless body.)

After much calming from my brother and my dad (and some pushing to get Chandler...my brother's 5 year old...to actually even enter the room) the kids composed themselves and entered the Graveyard of Terror.


(Graveyard of Terror. The pumpkins on the left were lit up, and the coffin in the middle had blue lights illuminating the skeletal remains of a killer. It was pretty creepy. Note the excellent tree, made by my dad with a cat stand, brown craft paper and some vines. Graveyard sounds, screaming, chainsaw noises, etc, filled the room.)

At this point, Becky and I feared the kids wouldn't even come to the basement, as we had scared them half to death with the upstairs stuff. But my brother managed to get them down, where immediately they had to crawl through a pitch black tunnel. It took coaching with every kid, but they all (except for a few) went through...some with an adult in tow to protect them. Once they exited the tunnel, a row of streamers lined a path to a few other site scares...


(Scary baby...lit only by a candle. It was creepy, trust me.)

We also had a caged guy that shook and rattled for them to look at before seeing what appeared to be the HEAD OF PATIENT X!! When the kids got closer, Becky (who was completely covered to look like it was just a head) would scream and scare them. At that point it was my turn. I was lying on the floor behind some chairs, and I had this fellow rigged to fall from the ceiling with the pull of a string.


(Yes, it's Chucky from the Rugrats...yes, the kids commented on that.)

Upon passing "Chucky," the kids entered a dark room where we had one of those static balls set up, where you can touch it and it'll send a beam of light to your finger...anyway, after a second in this dark room, I turned the "Fire Ghost" on...


(Fire Ghost)

After a 3 count, I killed all the lights in that room and Becky hit the tape recorded message telling the kids to get out, something went wrong...When they made their way to the exit, I would reach out and grab at their feet as the scurried away.

Surprisingly, after the tunnel, it was smooth sailing for the kids...remember that first group who cried in the ER? When I reached out for their feet, they actually laughed and said "Hi, Uncle Tony!!" Can't scare em all I guess.

After all the groups went through, I turned the lights on and took the kids through to show them nothing was scary in the light. A few of the kids were terrified and would only go through with the lights on if I held them! I guess the Haunted House was scarier than I thought!! We talked about their favorite parts while they played in the tunnel, and dropped Chucky from the ceiling with my pull rope. At the end of the day, it was a great success, everyone had a few laughs, a few screams, and a great time!!