A Christmas Conversation

The other day, Becky informed me that she had a "Wow Gift" for me that would blow my mind hole!! She was afraid, however, that she would get this gift for me, and I would buy this gift for her also. I was a bit confused on how this could even happen, but I agreed to not buy her anything else for Christmas, and to "try to not figure out" what the gift was.

My excitement was brimming over as I pondered what it could possibly be that we would both think to buy each other (yes, I tried to figure it out...I'm a thinker, it's what I do.)

The next day, while listening to the radio, I heard this:

Announcer: "Remember to sign up for our exclusive Pre-sale Saturday to see The Who in concert at Conseco Fieldhouse!"

Me: "WOW!! The Who at Conseco!! I'm gonna get us tickets!" (a few seconds elapse) "CRAP!! That has to be the Wow Gift Becky was talking about!!"

My excitement quickly turned to despair, cause now I had to find a way to figure out if that was indeed the "Wow Gift" Becky was speaking of without ruining the surprise for her in the event this wasn't the gift.

That evening...

Me: "Um, I think I figured out the Wow Gift..."

Becky: "Oh, yeah?"

Me: (looking at the ground) "Um, yeah...let me ask you a few questions to see if it's the same thing without giving it away. Is it bigger than a breadbox?"

Becky: "No."

Me: "Can it fit into a stocking?"

Becky: "Yes."

Me: "Is it something that you can buy right now?"

Becky: (getting nervous) "No."

Me: (Out of questions to ask) "Where do you want to sit at The Who concert?"

Becky: (after hitting me a few times in the arm) "Dang it, I told you not to figure it out!!"

Me: "It came on the radio!! What was I suppose to do?"

The pre-sale was the next day at 10 am, so I perched myself at the computer, ready to pounce on Ticketmaster.com and get the best seats possible. As soon as the pre-sale opened, my fingers were flying.

Two tickets, best location, go, Go, GO!!! After typing the security password, I was in. Two Floor seats! I was ecstatic...but then I remembered the Paul McCartney concert at Gund Arena a few years prior, and how Becky couldn't see over the crowd (I could see great, but I am a foot taller than she is!!)

I yelled to Becky..."Do you want the floor?"

"NO!!" she cried back.

I knew I only had precious minutes to get a good seat. I refreshed the screen.

FLOOR AGAIN!! Crap!!

Refresh...Section 9, Row 18. CRAP!! (For those of you not in the know, Section 9 sucks, as illustrated by this map of the Fieldhouse Seating...)



As you can plainly see, Section 9 is a slice of pie sandwiched behind Section 8, and most of Section 11. It's ALL THE WAY across the arena, and in general, the location is terrible. Oh, and we sat over there for Springsteen once, and the sound was sucka-roo over in that area, also.

But, did I dare refresh again? What if they put me in the upper level? Nose-bleed? Behind a freakin' pole!!! I gave it two seconds thought, hoped for maybe a mid-court Section like 117, or even 225...then I refreshed.

Section 3!!! Holy Cow, Section 3!! This is the Grand Daddy of all Sections to see a concert!! We sat in this prime real estate for the Elton John show, and it was super close to the stage! I instantly bought the tickets, and ran up to tell Becky the great news.

She did a few Pete Townshend windmills as we sang Baba O' Reily, and basked in the glory of our mutual Wow Gift.

Gift Ideas

Well, it's almost Christmas. Time for putting up the tree, and hanging the Christmas lights. Time for seeing who's been naughty and who's been nice. And it's also time to shell out our hard earned cash on presents for both the grateful and ungrateful alike.

(I know, I didn't mention it's also time to celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus, but it just feels like that fact is being diluted and swept under the rug by the marketing giants of "Big Business"...just don't get me started, ok?)

In the Gillespie household, we like to catergorize our family and friends into two groups, neither one being better than the other. One group is the "Gift" group, which receives presents of great forethought and care, and the other group is the "Card" group, which receives Christmas cheer via a handwritten Christmas card presented with great forethought and care.

Being forethoughtful and caring as we are, I thought I would share with you a few Christmas gifts to avoid giving this year.

1. $5 Cash (or gift card).

Sure, a Five-Spot is charming when you pull it from a birthday card from grandma, but unwrapping Honest Abe's wrinkly face on Christmas day is pretty far from charming. Here are a few simple rules for giving money as a gift.

a.) Give at LEAST $20. If you can't afford to give $20 to someone, maybe they should be in the "Card" Group.

b.) Try to remember what they gave you last Christmas, and mirror the sentiment. (Keeping in mind rule a.) Did they give you a sweater? $20 should do it. Did they give you a shiny new guitar? Better up the ante a little.

c.) When giving Gift cards, $20 is good, but for some reason $25 is above and beyond!! It's a meal for two PLUS an appetizer. What says love like an appetizer?

2. Christmas Themed Sweater

While there are probably no fashion rules like "You can't wear white after Labor Day" concerning Christmas sweaters, there most definitely should be. Don't get me wrong, while Christmas sweaters are festive and fun BEFORE or ON Christmas, they are equally unfestive and unfun after the 25th. Here's why this is a bad gift:

a.) Obviously, you received this gift on Christmas Day, and, as outlined above, it ceases to be an acceptable clothing option on December 26th.

b.) December 26, 2006 is 364 days removed from December 25, 2007.

c.) By the time Christmas rolls around again, your "hip, new" sweater will be dated and way uncool...no one wants to be uncool.

(SIDENOTE: I think I will throw in all Christmas themed gifts in this category...Christmas DVD's, Christmas CD's, Christmas Gift Boxes of Summer Sausage and Cheese. These gifts are so very seasonal, and I think that's a sad thing for a friend to give a friend something that can't be used but one or two months of the year MAX. Oh, unless the DVD is Christmas Story, cause that movie rocks year round.)

3. Necessities for a Parent

You know what I mean, here. When you buy your friend a package of diapers cause they just had a baby.

This is lame.

Think about it...yes, the parent does NEED these things, but let's face it, Christmas is a holiday of WANT. Let the baby's grandma buy the diapers, and take your friend out for dinner or buy them a sweater (not Christmas related) or something.

(SIDENOTE: If you are this parent, and you receive cash or gift card, don't slap the giver in the face by using it on your kids. That money is for You to buy something for YOURSELF. If the giver wanted to blow another 20 bucks on your kid, they would have...)

4. Lotion/Bath Sets

These are really nice, and some people love getting them for gifts, so I won't go too hard on them. However, let's get real. Besides cash/gift cards, this is the number one "I-don't-know-what-to-buy-for-you" gift. It's a cop-out, in it's purest form. I said it before, and I'll say it again, if you don't know the person well enough to buy them something with a little thought, maybe they should be in the "Card" group.

5. (cue Rod Roddy from the Price is Right voice) ... A NEW CAR!!

This one is simple, you get someone a car in 2006, what the hell do you get them in 2007? You set the bar pretty high there, Einstein!!

Well, that's all the advice I have. I have a feeling I may have just dropped off of a few people's "Gift" Group list with this post, but you know every word is true!!

Happy Christmas, people. Now, put some thought into those gifts!!

Rest in Peace, Voodoo Chile

Born today was the greatest guitarist to ever live...

Jimi Hendrix - 1942 - 1970

If Jimi were alive, he would have been 64 today.

Now, go and do what's right...turn up your Hendrix LP's, CD's, cassette tapes or 8-tracks, and if you don't have any, BUY SOME, DOWNLOAD SOME, BORROW SOME...just get your Jimi on today, ya dig?

El Giganto

Wow...only one comment message for the jukebox, eh...(thanks, Sue). I hope you know what this means. Yes, that's right, the jukebox will now haunt me in my dreams, taunt me for my lack of friends, and overall cause my life to be as miserable as the jukebox must now feel after this lack of support.

Sorry to get all guilt trip on ya.

Times, they do a'change, and in the place of my beloved jukebox, I have inserted a new "family member".

El Giganto!!



Standing 6 feet 7 inches, and weighing...well, I don't know how much it weighs, but it's a lot...El Giganto is my newest cabinet, this one housing in excess of 5,000 45 rpm records!! I'm thinking about having another contest soon...guess the number of 45's in ole El Giganto's belly. I'll keep you informed.

Here are a few more shots...





Now show El Giganto some love, lest he get upset and smash me beneath his girth!!

Celebrating the Life of a Friend

It truly is a sad day...it's been a sad weekend, in fact.

Early Saturday morning...12:43 am...I had to say goodbye to a very good friend...




born: 1976 // died: 2006


Yes, kids, the jukebox is no more. My intentions were good. Strip the box of all parts heavy without compromising the structure's integrity...take it out to the shed, and reassemble it back to its original glory. But after 5 hours of "surgery", the jukebox could not be saved.

Don't cry for the jukebox, he wouldn't have wanted that.

The jukebox, who really never had a name, had been broken for several years now. I still held out hope that he could once again sing...but in the end, it just wasn't meant to be. I finally had to send him to a better place, to that jukebox in the sky, to spin records with the great jukeboxes of history.

I remember the good ole days...

--Doing a interpritive dance around the basement to Bowie's "Space Oddity"
--Pushing random numbers and coming up with Yoko Ono's "Kiss Kiss Kiss" (YIKES!!...Note: it's the B Side to a John Lennon classic, ok?!)
--Turning out the lights in the apartment and playing the Beatles "A Day in the Life" to get pumped before a match

I could go on, but I'm getting too sad.

A few key pieces have been retained for prosperity's sake...but by and large, the jukebox is gone.


(In the belly of the jukebox)

Here are a few more facts about my jukebox:

--First song I heard it play...Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles
--Last song I heard it play...Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police
--Purchased...1998
--Records that had to be in the jukebox at all times...It's Good to be King - Tom Petty and Blue Christmas - Elvis (for reasons all my own).
--Memories...too many to count

I'm sorry, old friend...I wish you could have sung forever.

(Please, take a second to pay your final respects and condolenses in the comments section...but don't send flowers, the jukebox was allergic.)

Halloween 2006: Part Two

(Click on any picture to enlarge)


Ok, where was I? Oh, yes...the Paper Bag Limbo Contest was down to it's final 3:


Going out in third place was "Crazy-Eyes" Becky, who at this point was still rockin' her red skull bandana, even though the bloody scrubs had been tossed aside.


The second place finisher was Christy, who made a valiant effort, but just couldn't hang with...


The Tin Man...not only did Toby make this level look easy (check out the shocked look on Christy's face!) he also stretched for one more as the bag was about 2 inches from the ground!!

Next, Shannon ran the Pretzel and Straw game. Guys vs girls. The object was simple, move the pretzel from one person to the next using only the straw (which is place in your mouth) until all four "contestants" transfered the pretzel. The girls were beating us easily, so we took a break to enjoy the scenery.



The guys had their revenge in the next game. I had printed out a series of picture stills from horror movies, and the object was to guess the film. After a closely contested battle, the guys narrowly defeated the girls.

The final game of the night was the Marshmallow classic, "Chubby Monkey". In this controversial game, you have to utter the phrase "Chubby Monkey" after each large marshmallow you put in your mouth. After a few lightweights tried, I stepped up and jammed 9 marshmallows in my mouth and still uttered the phrase "Chebby Monkey." The tenth, as you can see, was too much.



I thought that record was impossible to beat...then Toby stepped up and shovelled an incredible 14 in his pie hole...he called for more, but Shannon cut him off.

And that was that...it was midnight, and us old fogies had enough of the party scene. I packed up some chili, and we made our way home.

Oh, wait, before I go...one more for the road...

Halloween 2006: Part One

Halloween is a peaceful time, when children and adults alike can throw the stresses of work and responsibility out the window, and get down to what every really matters...hanging out with friends, playing some games, and of course, spending some time creating a costume!!

This year, the gang got together for a little Halloween bash at Toby's house. Becky and I, not willing to go to the extremes in putting together our costumes, decided on this low key look:














"Doctor McScreamy"







"Crazy Eyes" Becky
















(First person to mention that I have a "man-sized"
hand print on my ass is gonna get a "man-sized"
foot up theirs!!)
When we arrived at the bash, we met up with some interesting characters...

(Brian and Christy, I would tell you what they
are dressed as, but that may violate the "Doctor/
Patient Privilege"!! )


(Toby - "Beer Keg" aka "The Tin Man" )


(and Shannon as Capt. Spaulding)



(the real Capt. Spaulding)

(NOTE: For those of you not in the know, Capt. Spaulding is a character in Rob Zombie's film House of a 1,000 Corpses, which I highly recommend...here's a taste of what the real character looks like, so you can see how awesome Shannon's costume really was:)

There were a few more people milling around without costumes. Toby's little boy had some friends over, and their parents weren't in the Halloween spirit, it seems (actually, I don't think they realized it was a costume party, cause the kids weren't dressed either.)

While the kids played, Spaulding and I had some chili, and then decided to go and attack the children. After all, what's scarier than a clown? (NOTE: For legal reasons, Brian decided it was best not to wrestle the kids, his costume involved a fake butt in the back and that's about it...I have decided not to post that picture in case Brian wants to run for President some day...and because who really wants to see that??) We wrestled the three kids for awhile, and I endured a smashed thumb, a punch to the nose, another punch to the, ahem, "groin area", and one kids feeble attempt to shove a glow stick up my behind (who's kids are these!?!) But the straw that broke this Doctor's back was when a kid I affectionately nicknamed "Baby Gap" (because he had a Gap sweater on) bit my ass...you don't need to re-read that, HE BIT MY ASS!!

I needed revenge, and the Capt. was more than willing to ASSist. (hardy har har.) The plan was simple, when Baby Gap came a chompin', Capt. Spaulding was going to come around and execute the "Toe Joe" on him.

For those of you not in the know, I have made this little demonstration on what a "Toe Joe" is. (Oh, and giving credit where it is due, special thanks to Hank for enlightening all of us with this great form of entertainment!)

Step One: Select the Target


(This bear will represent our
ass biting friend, "Baby Gap.")

Step Two: Turning the Target


(Because kids are little, and weak, this step is easy...
just flip them on their stomach.)

Step 3: TOE JOE the Target



(Lift the Target's foot up, and place his toe
in the band of his underwear. The more the
kid wiggles to get free...and it's not very easy
to get free from this...the more the toe pulls
on the underwear, exposing more and more
of the kid's behind...laughter ensues as the
kid is embarrassed in front of all his little
friends. For even more fun, I recommend
the Double Toe Joe...)

The kids cleared out, and the games began. We started with a modified limbo competetion where you had to pick up a paper bag with your mouth, without letting any part of your body touch the ground. Each round, the bag was cut down, making it lower to the ground. The final three competetors were:

To Be Continued...(Sorry, the blooger isn't uploading very fast, so I'll hit you with part 2 later!!)

First Impressions

When selling your home, it is always important to make a good impression. Last weekend, we almost made the worst impression on a potential buyer that you could make.

We recently switched our realtors, and the new company decided to hold an open house on Sunday, which meant we really had to kick some butt cleaning, and de-cluttering our house. Friday, Becky began cleaning and I worked on fixing a loose railing leading down to the basement. While we worked downstairs, Becky decided to lock the screen door upstairs, and leave the main door open.

We worked into the wee hours. I didn't finish the railing because I needed to charge my drill, but we still got a lot accomplished. We called it a night, or morning, or whatever, and went to sleep, knowing Saturday was going to be the "big cleaning day."

Saturday morning, we decided to sleep in. We arose about ten minutes til 11 am, and made our way down to get ready to take on our day. While I stumbled into the bathroom, Becky went to the front door to get the mail. Before she could open the door, she noticed a shadow coming through the curtain. She carefully inspected, and quickly made her way to where I was.

"Somebody's on the front porch!!"

I pulled her into the spare bedroom, and said be quiet, they'll go away. She heard a noise coming from the backyard...

"There are people in the backyard now!!"

I began to panic. Why, you may ask? Because I was still in my underwear, and people were beginning to knock on the door!! I ran to the dresser and threw some pants on while Becky locked herself into the bathroom. I went to the back door and was met by a realtor.

"I'm suppose to show the house at 11..."

CRAP!!

I tried to explain to her that no one had informed us of this. She looked frustrated, and gave me the I-know-you-are-lying look. I told her to give us 10 minutes, and we would be gone. I ran downstairs and fixed the railing while Becky frantically swept the house. A few things got pushed into place, and we walked out the door, past the potential buyers, and drove off to get some lunch.

Remember when I said Becky locked the screen door? You see, if Becky hadn't done that the night before (which we NEVER usually do), those people would have had access to the Realtor Lock Box that they put on our door, which holds the key to the house. The realtor would have unlocked the house, and let this family of four (two young kids) straight into a house with me...in my underwear!!

Nobody needs to see that!!

Thank goodness for the screen door lock!!

(Oh, and if you are wondering, they didn't buy the house. Double Crap!!)

The Results Show!!!

(CROWD ROARS AS HOST ENTERS THE ROOM)

Host: Hello, and welcome to GUESS THE NUMBER OF LP'S IN TONY'S COLLECTION!! The results are in, and we have broken another record for the highest number of Blog Comments with over 20!!!

(CROWD CHEERS WILDLY)

Host: In a minute we will get to the results, but first a few announcements. We here at Get Out Of Life Alive would like to thank everyone for their votes, it's nice to know that more than 2 people are actually reading the blog!!

Next, I would like to just tell everyone that, even if you didn't win a prize, you should all feel like winners...after all, you did make it this far!!

Ok, now it's time to reveal the winning number in the LP contest, along with our 3 winners!! The actual amount of LP's in Tony's Collection is...

REVEALED AFTER THIS BREAK!!

(CROWD MOANS AND BOOS)


(Shameless Plug of an Item That I Like) I know none of you have probably ever heard of this guy, or of this CD, but it is awesome to the 10th degree, and I highly recommend you go to Amazon.com and buy it right away...it only costs a penny plus 2.49 shipping on Amazon, so you really should just go there and get a copy, and thank me later!!

Josh Clayton Felt - Spirit Touches Ground



Host: Ok, we're back!! Now it's time to reveal the exact number of LP's in the Record Collection!!

(CROWD CHEERS)

The exact number of LP's is...(HOST OPENS ENVELOPE)

1,769

Here are the final totals:

21st Place: Lead Singer and guitar player for Pax Astra, Wyatt Knox voted 3 Billion!!

He was off by 2,999,998,231.

20th Place: Sue M. from Batesville voted 3,000. She was off by 1,231.

19th Place: My cuz Juli voted 769, and was off by 1,000 exactly.

18th Place: Chris J. from Bloomington voted 2,666. He missed by 897.

17th Place: Freaky von Teaky voted 2,636. He was off by 867.

16th Place: Jenny from the hilariously contagious Run Jen Run blog voted 967 and was 802 off.

15th Place: Jean, my friend down south voted 1,018, and missed by 751.

14th Place: Kristy from the 'Burg guessed 1,092 and was 677 off.

13th Place: Jaime from Bloomington scientifically voted 1,152...but was off by 617. (Ironic you came in 13th, cause I remember once in 6th grade we had to pick numbers in History or some such class, and you took 13...I remember, because it's always been my lucky number and you took it from me!! I was mad, but I forgive you now...Peace rules!! War drools!!)

12th Place: Boyce voted 1,190. He missed by 579.

11th Place: (and also his volleyball number) Crank 11...Dr Phil's cousin...took on the day with a vote of 2,325. He missed by 556.

10th Place: Deb C. voted 1,243. She was off by 526.

9th Place: Teri from Milan voted 1,298, missing by 471.

8th Place: Deez (of the famous Nutz family) voted 1,335. He missed by 434.

7th Place: Foley (a co-worker of Kirk) answered 1,400. Sorry, Foley, you came in last in your office pool...you missed by 369.

6th Place: Dani (daughter of 9th Place finisher Teri) voted 1,409 and easily defeated her mom's vote, missing by 360.

5th Place: Mike (another co-worker of Kirk's) voted 1,912. He barely missed the prizes with a guess that was 143 off. 2nd in the office pool isn't bad...unless your co-worker wins a prize!!

4th Place: Andi voted 1,890, and was only 121 records off!! Great vote!!


3rd Place...



Kirk was only 100 records off!! Ironically, so was the 2nd place winner, but since the 2nd place winner's entry came in before Kirk's (and because I'm too cheap to buy a second copy of Crossroads), Kirk will be receiving the 3rd place prize. Kirk, if you really had your heart set on a VHS Crossroads, I'll hook you up, brotha!!

2nd Place...



Emily was also 100 records off, but what makes it even more incredible was the fact that she was the first to vote!! Having no other votes to go off of, Em came thisclose to winning the whole thing. If Purdue were only founded a little bit earlier!! Congrats,Emily!!

1st Place...



That's right, my homegirl, Amanda was the only person to vote in the 1,700's and was an incredible, an astonishing, an unbelievable 17 records away from hitting a bulls-eye and getting the in house concert!!

17!!! Take that, suckas!!

Congratulations to all the winners, and better luck next time to all the non-winners. Be sure to check back for more exciting stories and contests at Get Out of Life Alive!! Make sure you buy Josh Clayton Felt's CD, visit Pax Astra and Run Jen Run (by clicking on their names in this post) and have you pets spayed or neutered!!

Gillespie OUT!!

Last of the Two-A-Days

Ok, kids!! I did it!! Two-A-Days are over!! You got your 10 posts in 5 days, and while technically this post is kinda lame, it's still a post. I didn't promise you Stephen King novellas, or fanciful poems ala Keats, now did I?

Anyway, it's been a real treat to keep the posts up, and I will try to do better in the future, I promise!! You are just going to have to make do with these 10 until Monday, when I will reveil the winner of the awesome Guess the Number of LP's Contest!! Which, by the way, if you haven't entered, do it now!! (And if you already have entered, a thousand thanks!!)

(PS, Hank, you need a better guess than "ALL OF THEM." While technically correct, I just won't accept that answer!!)

GUESS THE NUMBER OF RECORDS IN MY COLLECTION CONTEST

Keep reading, and I'll keep writing!!

Tell Them What They've Won!!! (Or, Will Win!!)

Ready to know what great prizes are in store for the winner of my contest?!?

Ok, here we go!!

3RD PRIZE!!



Awesome radio station give aways!! Three, count 'em, THREE magnets, a CD opener and a keychain!!

2ND PRIZE!!



Ralph Macchio (YES, DANIEL SAN FROM KARATE KID!!) in a gently used VHS copy of CROSSROADS!! (Not to be confused with Crossroads with Britney Spears...sorry!!)

1ST PRIZE!!


Your very own, custom made GET OUT OF LIFE ALIVE TEE SHIRT!! Be the envy of all your friends with this amazing one of a kind (well, 2 of a kind, cause the one in the pic is mine!!) tee shirt showing off your favorite blog!!

GRAND PRIZE!!

If anyone gets the number EXACTLY right, I will give them a private accoustic concert in their home, for them and their guests!! (I apologize in advance if you've seen me play and you get the number right!! If you haven't seen me play and you get the number right you are in for a treat!!)

So, those are the prize...what were you expecting, a new car?!?

It's The Little Things

Everybody who knows me, knows I have a lot of weird "quirks," I have a lot of odd phoebias, and, in general, I'm just a strange kinda guy. I've probably even mentioned a few a time or two on this blog. Well, and I mean no disrespect, one of my phoebias is "Little People."

(Ed. Note...I apologize in advance if the term Little People is no longer the accepted norm.)

I could spend this post discussing what is bothersome about them to me, but I would rather just relay a story, so here goes.

It was Summer 2002, and Becky and I decide to have our very first yard sale. Being a self proclaimed "Pack Rat" the yard sale was quite a large one filled with numerous items that Becky had finally convinced me it was time to part with. At one point in the sale, Becky left to pick up some lunch, and that's when it happened...when I was all alone.

Next door to us is a rental house which rotates it's renters on a fairly regular basis. So much so, we really don't try to get to know the neighbors, cause in reality, they are never there long enough to try to get to know. From the neighbors yard I could hear a voice, but when I looked across the stone fence, I could see no one talking...

Around the corner came my neighbor...a "little person." I didn't know what to do. I crossed my fingers that she wouldn't buy anything, and that in a few short minutes, the experience would be over. But, of course, it didn't happen that way. You see, this neighbor of mine was very vocal, and wasn't shy to ask questions...ABOUT EVERYTHING!!

"Hey, how much is this basket?"

"Hey, can you get this shirt down for me?"

"Hey, does this tv work?"

I almost think she could sense that I was afraid...she could smell the cold sweat that was begining to form. And she loved it!! She loved making me sweat!

I tried my very best to be polite and to answer all her questions. Just when I was to the point of passing out, she let up.

"I'll take this shirt" she said, extending her arm towards me clutching a tie-dyed shirt.

At this point, exhausted, drenched in sweat, and quite honestly not wanting to deal with the situation, I did the only thing I could.

I gave her the shirt...smiled...and collapsed in the chair as she walked away.

In Search of the Perfect Game

I wasn't even suppose to ref last night.

Circumstances as they were, I was left blowing the whistle in my seventh game of the night. The first 6 went rather smoothly, but it was this seventh game that I will remember.

After a quick two points, there was a side-out, and she took the ball back to serve. I don't know her name, but I remember wondering if she could even get the ball over the net. She couldn't have stood taller than 5 foot 2, and that is being generous. I blew the whistle, she threw the ball up and smacked it over the net with ease. The ball fell to the ground for a point.

Point after point she mechanically threw the ball up, and made her mighty heave at it. There was nothing overly special about the serve, but for some reason, the other team couldn't seem to return it. And when they did, the server's team always had an answer.

8-2...9-2...10-2

The game goes to 21, and I thought to myself, "at what point do I start to wonder if she can serve the whole game?"

11-2, 12-2, 13-2

With every toss, my mind wondered if this would be the time it happened...in 16 years of playing, I have never seen anyone serve the entire game. I almost did it once, when the games were to 15. But I only made it to 13, and it was at St Paul, a notorious gym whose motto is "It's All Legal in St Paul." So, that wouldn't have counted even if I had succeeded.

14-2...15-2...16-2

I think she's going to do it!!

Time out was called. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Not only did this girl have the baseball equivalent to a perfect game going, but she also seemed oblivious to the fact. And so did her team. They huddled up, said "let's keep the pressure on" and without so much as a smile, or a massage to the server's shoulder, they took their spots. It was almost like the score was close, and they didn't realize that perfection was within their grasps.

17-2...18-2...19-2

It was still too unreal to be real!! With every play, I tried to keep my composure, and tried to call everything I saw, doing my best to be impartial as the official. Truth is, there were no close calls. The server smacked the ball over, and her and her team took care of business. The other team had no answer. What could they do?

Hit it over on one...it didn't work.

Dink...nope.

Corners, line, angle? No, nadda, nothin'.

20-2

This was it. She was one serve away!! I was excited, the other team was frustrated, and still, her team seemed unaware. As she threw the ball up, I just knew it was going to go in the net, or out of bounds...but surprisingly, it didn't.

It sailed over the net, off the opposing player's arms, and out of bounds.

21-2!!

She did it! The perfect game. I'm still a little shocked that it could actually happen, but it did. After the match, I told her congrats, and that it was the first time I've ever seen it. Still, she only broke into a small smile as she thanked me...I still don't think they realized how difficult that really was!!

And I wasn't even suppose to ref last night!! Thank goodness I did!

Puke Train ...Next Stop, Hurlsville!!

Like the finely tuned athlete that I am, I will continue to soldier on with these dreaded 2-A-Days, even though my memory banks are slowly emptying. Here's a story from the vaults that you all may like, or you all may hate...just read it!!

Some things are straight up disgusting, yet some people can still somehow do them with grace. It's always gross to hear someone blow their nose, yet some people can do it discreetly, without notice. However, there is one thing no one can do gracefully...

...and that is hurl.

This is my tribute to the grossest, yet most hilarious hurling story I've ever heard, or witnessed first hand. If you get squeeming by this sort of thing, come back tomorrow for more stories and/or tales.

Back in the 90's, when I was a younger, teenaged lad, my brother Andy and my cousin Scott would go over to my grandma's house on the weekend sometimes and stay with her. She's super cool, and we liked hanging out with her, watching movies and reaping the benefits of her excellent cooking. On one faithful Friday night, another of my cousins, Jeffrey, decided to come over and stay.

It wasn't long after Grandma went to bed, that Jeffrey followed suit. The rest of us stayed up watching movies, and drinking high amounts of sugary soda. What happened next will live with me for as long as I live.

I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich...bologna, cheese and tomato, if you are keeping score at home. Out of the bedroom came a confused and bewildered Jeffrey, obviously still asleep. He had his hands cupped, and he was carrying some of his own vomit. Yes, dear readers, this is gross enough, but it gets worse...oh, so much worse.

The bedroom connected to the kitchen via a hallway. In that hallway, was the bathroom. Jeffrey, being asleep, completely passed up the bathroom and made his way into the kitchen. Scott and Andy saw what was going on and pleaded with Jeffrey to "Go to the bathroom!! Go to the bathroom!!" But the cries fell on Jeffrey's sleeping ears and he trucked at a faster pace into the kitchen.

At this point, Jeffrey opened his cupped hands, dropping the puke onto the floor, where he proceeded to step in it, sending him straight up into the air and flat on his back...like Daniel Stern in Home Alone. Splat!! Puke splattered in every direction, including across the kitchen, and onto my leg.

"GO TO THE BATHROOM!!" they cried from the living room, but the Puke Train was comin' around the bend, and nothing was gonna stop it from pulling through the station!!

Think it can't get any worse? Well...

Jeffrey was about to blow chunks, and at this point in the story, he had the presence of mind to grab something to puke into...and it was a box of kitchen wares that grandma had packed on-account-a she was gettin' ready to move!!

My poor grandma!! She came out of her bedroom and saw the chunks being blown onto her dishes, and what-nots. She called for Jeffrey to go to the bathroom, and this time, he listened. She then spent the next hour washing everything in that box as a stunned Andy and Scott looked on...

...and I ate my bologna, cheese and tomato sandwich.

The Beast...JR!!

Back in October, i force fed you some pictures of The Beast, a massive 7 foot giant of a display case that I had to wrestle from an auction to my basement.

Well, in July, almost exactly 9 months after we brought the Beast home, we welcomed a new display case into our family.

Beast, Jr!!


(front view of Beast Jr...sorry the picture is blurry)

After having seen an auction advertising a "Hall Mark-esqe" store closing down, we decided to go and see what they had to offer. I like collectables, Becky's into Kim Anderson figurines, so we went.


(small sampling of Becky's Kim Anderson Pretty as a Picture Collection)

When we arrived, it was hotter than hot outside, and only slightly cooler inside. We saw a small lot of Kim Anderson figurines, so we decided to stay, despite the heat. Little did we know at the time, but a Beast lurked inside.

(Ok, we knew going in that the display case was for sale, but I was trying to add some dramatic effect!!)

The tables outside were going rather quickly, but the heat of the day was slowly kicking my behind!! I pushed away from the plush animals and Nascar memoribilia, scrounged a few dollars in change from dad's van (which we took in case we bought a new display case) and bought a chili dog and soda.

Becky outbid a lady for the Kim Anderson's, and I was catching my second wind. The auctioneers desided to pull the tables inside, because of the heat, and the auction continued. The Nascar stuff was so prevalent, it seemed to take forever to get through it all, so they could sell the display cases, but I was determined to get one. I looked them over closely, and picked out one of the three that I liked the best.

When the bidding began, I started in low. A few other collector's bid the Beast Jr up to $20...and then there was silence. No one else wanted in, I was going to get this gem for $20!! But...

The Auctioneer wouldn't give up!! $25?!? $25?!? Who give me $25?!?

NOBODY!! I was screaming in my head. I took my auction number out of my pocket, ready to reveil my number to record my successful bid...Anybody $25?!?

I put the number back in my pocket. I figgitted a little, I swayed from side to side, I took my number back out...

Anyone $25?!?

CLOSE THE DAMN AUCTION ALREADY!!

Then, from nowhere...

I'll bid $25!!

Where did that squirrley mo' fo' come from? I sighed, and quickly bid $30...he went $35. I starred him straight in his squirrley eyes with a "Don't-Bid-Again" look, and raised my hand for $40.

He got the message, and didn't bid again.

The Beast Jr was mine!!


(top view of Beast Jr....and my complete Beatles Picture Sleeve Collection!!)

After a long long day in the heat and sun, and almost passing out, I drove away victorious!!


(side view of Beast Jr!)

Hey Kool Aid!!

Staying in touch with friends is sometimes difficult. Especially as you get older, gain more responsibilities and have a love affair with the television as I do. So, what better thing to do than to have a party with your friends to keep in touch?

Becky and I have some good friends, Jean and Larry, that live down south in the big city that is Louisville, Kentucky, and we really hadn't been too good of friends to them as of late. So, we decided to have a little party with them and Jean's sister Jill.

It was a small party, and we knew going in we had to be a bit creative because Jean is pregnant, so that ruled out any kinda kegger or anything wild like that (not that we are the kegger kinda people, but it was a no go for the alcohol!!) Jill, Becky and I decided on the KOOL AID PARTY!!



(Kool Aid spread with a Hawaiian Punch imposter!! I took care of that Joker with a nice Kool Aid man drawn over top of Punchy! ...click on picture to enlarge and see the awesome Kool Aid Man drawing!!)

We mixed up some new drinks, like the Black Cherry/Lemon Lime Kool Aid Jill and I decided on...it was ok, but check out this grand drink Jill dubbed "Jenny." I'm still not sure I understand why...


(Jenny - note the awesome green center!!)

After drinking our weight in Kool Aid, and after I ate 3 delicious bowls of chili, we played some Riff (a music trivia game) where the guys completely destroyed the girls, but it was still great fun to have the playful arguing back and forth about whether Hank Williams, Jr being know as "Bocephus" was truly "an artist who is known by one name," like Prince, or Madonna or Cher.

All in all, a great time was had by all, thanks to Jean and Larry for hosting the event!! I highly recommend Kool Aid Parties for everyone!!!

Gatlinburg

Over the Labor day weekend, Becky and I decided to grab my mom and dad and cruise down to Gatlinburg, Tennessee for a nice relaxing holiday. We all had been before, but being as Gatlinburg is only 4 or 5 hours south of us, it seemed like the logical place to go considering our short time span.

We loaded up the van, and headed out on Friday, ready for our adventure!!

The last time I had been to Gatlinburg was for my cousin Scott's wedding, nearly 5 years prior, and I was shocked to see who much Gatlinburg had changed and grown! When did Ripley's Aquarium come into town? We navigated the streets and soon found our home for the next three days.



See that awesome cabin we stayed in? Ok, we didn't stay there, but we could see it from our hotel room...so that kinda counts, right?

We could also see the pool from our balcony.



I took this picture right before I tore my shirt off, threw the camera to the side and lept forth with the rally cry of "CANNONBALL!" Ok, I didn't do that either, what are you, the lie police?!?

We walked downtown and fought the people. Being a holiday weekend, we knew there would be a lot of people, but this place was really hoppin!! I think it must have been Vegas week because the city didn't sleep! We talked dad into going on the Motion Simulator ride, where you are strapped into a chair and it jerks around, up and down, simulating a roller coaster or some such thing...it was so funny to watch him jerking around over in his chair. The first ride ended, and he started to take off the seat belt when the announcer said "Sit tight for the second ride!!"

Dad just looked at me, stunned, and said..."There's another one?"

The second day, we went to Pigeon Forge. Pigeon Forge is full of fun things to do, but none as exciting as the multi-level Go-Kart Track!! Dad, still woozy from his Motion Simulator experience, sat this one out, as did mom, but Becky and I entered the track with one thing on our minds...out racing each other!!



The race was tight. I held the slim lead at the beginning, but a wide turn allowed the very shifty Becky to squeeze in on the inside (even though the annoucer said NO BUMPING ALLOWED!!) I tried to regain the lead, and I almost did on the last lap, as another kart had the inside lane, forcing Becky to go wide. I snuck up within inches, but in the end, Becky went around that kart, too.

I lost.

Next, we contemplated going to this odd building...



The place was called Wonderworks, and it featured a large array of virtual activities. We decided the price was a bit too steep, so we took some pictures and headed towards Cherokee, NC for some gambling.

The casino in Cherokee is big, but surprisingly hard to find. Once we got there, we started in hard and fast...

Hard and fast at losing our money, that is!! I guess we should have spent the money on Wonderworks!!

I think mom came out ahead, but it couldn't offset the losses the rest of us suffered...I left with a sick feeling after Dad finally was DEALT a straight flush on the video poker, stopped to show us all what he was dealt, then promptly hit the deal button without holding the straight flush, causing him to loose his awesome hand, and the $25 booty that it would have brought.

We took the windy road back to the hotel, dejected. Mom and dad walked down to the Gatlinburg strip one last time while Becky and I watched Big Brother (we are addicted, folks!!) and we make one last treck down after the show was over.

We had a good time, and I won a Tiger-esque 3 putt-putt matches in a row, so I can't complain!! Monday we drove back and decompressed from the stress that the tiny town with a lot of people brought. I don't know if I'll ever go back, just too busy...unless we score that awesome cabin in the trees!!

CONTEST

ED NOTE: Technically, that last post WAS the first post of today's two a days, and this post, while equally short, will be number two. I hope to post better tomorrow, but take what you can get people!!

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!!!

ANNOUNCING THE FIRST GET OUT OF LIFE ALIVE CONTEST EVER!!!

GUESS THE NUMBER OF RECORDS IN MY COLLECTION



This past week, I have been on vacation, and instead of dipping my toes in the cool ocean waters or burying myself up to the neck in sand, I decided to make a record database of all my lp's!! It took a solid week, but I have finished.

And now, I'm going to give you the chance to win great, fabulous prizes!!

Here's the rules:

1. Take out your abacasses and calculators and try to figure out how many records are in my entire collection.

2. Go into comments and enter your best guess along with your name (nicknames are fine if I know you by that nickname...example, I know who Big Country is so that is acceptable. However, I DO NOT know anyone by the nickname of bigjugsluver, so don't use that nickname!! Ok, I can probably bet that would also be Big Country, but give me a break and put down your name, ok?)

3. Whoever is closest wins a FABULOUS PRIZE (fabulous prize as yet undetermined).

4. ONE GUESS PER PERSON

That's it!! So, please take a second and make a guess. I will have this contest open through the end of the week, and winners will be announced with a special blog on Monday, September 25th.

Feel free to ask any questions (except How many records are there?) and I will try to help answer them.

TWO-A-DAYS

Oh...My...Goodness...

Has it really been a month since my last post? We'll some dear, dear readers of Get Out Of Life Alive have informed me that yes, it has indeed been a month since my last post. In the name of keeping the peace (and not losing a few appendages at the hands of Sue!!) I have decided to come back strong this week!!

Anyone that has ever played organized sports, especially football, has heard of the term "Two A Days," which basically means, two practices a day. Clever, huh? Anyway, in honor of our Indianapolis Colts (which are TWO - 0 this season so far) and the football season in general, I give you:

GET OUT OF LIFE ALIVE TWO-A-DAYS!!

That's right!! Over the next week (work week that is) I will be delivering 2, count 'em, TWO posts per day!! How about that? Hopefully my active lifestyle and roll-on-the-floor humor will keep you entertained for as long as I can sustain it!! Hopefully, knowing how lazy I am, that will be further than Tuesday!

Hope you enjoy 2 a days!!

T

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

FRIDAY


(Nothing but bills and a Rolling Stones Magazine)

(Maybe I'll have better luck tomorrow.)

SATURDAY


(Playboy? That's it?!?)


(The waiting is killing me!!)

SUNDAY


(There's no mail on Sunday, and you can't be sad all the time!!)

MONDAY

(Wait a minute...what is this?)


(Could this be the package I've been waiting for?)




(It is!!! My Will Kirby from Big Brother All-Stars Keychain!!)

(Front View)-------------------------------(Back View)

(Geez, it's only a keychain people!!)