It's Hard...Not Real Hard, But Hard

Neil Sedaka once said, "Breaking up is hard to do."

Boyz II Men quipped, "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday."

And that talking Barbie was heard to mutter, "Math is hard!!"

But the fact remains, there is nothing harder, than trying to cancel a Credit Card.

My problem was a double-headed Discover card...one Platinum, and one Classic (and, no you don't have to be rich to get a Platinum card...even schlubs like me can get approved.) Finally, I got wise to the ways of the interest gobbling giants, and decided it was time to cancel them.

I dialed the 800 #, entered the 16 digit account, and the last 4 digits of my Social Security number. After listening to the menu 3 times, I finally hit 0, to talk to a real person. I was greeted by John, who gave me the balances for both cards, but who also was going to charge me $15 PER account to pay the cards off over the phone. He said you can pay via the internet for free.

I went to the internet, but couldn't pay the FULL balances, because it was higher than they had listed. Not wanting to have the problem of getting billed later for the interest, I once again called the 800#.

When I called back, I talked to Amanda, who said she would be happy to wave half of the $15 fee per card, making the total $15. Ok. Of course, after she took the payment on the first card, she tells me that the $7.50 fee would be applied to my Discover card!!

"You mean I can't close it today because I now have a 7.50 balance?" I say,

"Yes, you can close it, but you will have to pay that balance...in 8 business days" she says, because you can only make one payment every 8 days. That would have been nice to know...

So, I pay off the other account. BEFORE she takes the payment I asked if the 7.50 can be added in, thus making the account ZERO. Yes, done. She transfers me to Christine.

"Christine, I need to close this account."

"Sir, you have a $20 cash back bonus award, would you like me to credit your account?"

"No, I want to CLOSE the account...please mail me a check."

"I'll transfer you to Jennifer, so she can get that check to you."

Did I mention that each time they transferred me, I had to state my name, mother's maiden name, and birthdate? Yeah.

Jennifer agrees to mail me the check, and asks if there is anything else. Well, I say, there is still the matter of closing this card.

"Ok," she says, "I'll transfer you to Travis."

ARGH!!

"Hi, Travis, this is Anthony Gillespie...mother's maiden name is...birthdate is..."

"Sir, I need your home phone number."

Are you shitting me?

He tries for 10 minutes to persuade me (in vain) to keep the account active. NO, close it mo'fo before I get mad. Ok, it's done...

John, (remember him, the first guy?) told me that I cannot close the Platinum card because I am just a user, and that Becky is the only one who can close it (ok, a schlub like me CAN'T get a Platinum card, Becky had to...are you happy?). I tried to persuade Travis into letting me do it, but no can do.

After an hour on the phone, being shuffled from person to person, I had finally cancelled one of two cards. Wow, what an accomplishment, huh. I shot an e-mail telling Becky to call and cancel the other card.

Five minutes later she e-mailed me back. Done.

FIVE MINUTES!!

"They asked me if I was sure I didn't want to leave it open. I said yes, I'm sure, and they said ok."

Next time, I think I'll have Becky call in the first place.