Drug Test

Today should be interesting. I have to travel to Indy again, but this time it's not for a meeting, it's for a test. More specifically. a drug test. I don't mind taking tests, but I find it intimidating to take one without studying, or at least knowing what kind of drug they are testing me on. I mean, they could give me any drug to test: weed, speed, crack, smack, coke, uppers, downers, lefters, righters...

Ok, so some of those aren't drugs, but maybe they are new experimental drugs. Hey, you never know. We could be dealing with the Drug Kings of the Heartland here!! You should never underestimate the Drug Kings.

Well, whatever drug they decide to give me to test, I feel confident that I can give them some positive results. I haven't ever done any of these drugs, in fact Ibuphrophen is the hard stuff for me, but I have done some research to help me along, just in case.

Weed: For this drug, I watched the movie FRIDAY several times. I now know the more intricate things you need to know. For example:

1. If you don't have Big Worms money, he'll kill you.
2. If you pour a bowl of cereal, and there is no milk, then you "better put some water on that shit."
3. If Deebo is around, hide your stuff.
4. If someone sets you up on a date with a girl who looks like "Janet Jackson," chance are she'll look more like FREDDIE JACKSON.
and, most importantly for the drug test purposes...

5. "Puff, puff, give."

Speed: For this drug, I popped in the Keanu Reeves/Sandra Bullock movie by the the same name, Speed. I never saw any drug use, but if I am assigned this drug, I will keep the bus going above 50 mph.

Crack: Kids, it's a sad day. Crack is now not the "in" fashion as it once was. It has now been replaced with a more demure, classy look, which probably includes pants that actually cover your entire ass. With this being the case, I highly doubt that drug will be included...let's move on.

Smack: I started with an obvious choice for research on the drug smack... WWE's Smack Down. Seems I only found steroids there, so I continued my search and watched Pulp Fiction. John Travolta's character stops by Jimmie the drug dealer's pad for some smack. For those of you not in the know, the following happens.

1. He injects the drug, doesn't almost die.
2. He goes on a date with the lovely Mia Wallace.
3. She does some blow, does almost die.
4. He is in a close range shoot out, and doesn't get shot.

Moral? Blow will kill ya, Smack makes you bulletproof. (Editors Note: Smack does not, in fact, make you bullet proof. Being John Travolta does, cause he's a bad mo' fo'...what? he gets shot at the end of Pulp Fiction? That's because Pulp Fiction is a movie, duh!!)

I think with that research being done, I can confidently pass the drug test. Unless they give me Righters or lefters, then I'm screwed!!