Keystone at the Crossing

Q: How do you make a 118 mile round trip into a 150 mile round trip?

A: Let me drive!!

I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out the mystery that is my inability to travel from point A to point B without first zig-zagging all over the surrounding town. Before, I would always chalk it up to my not paying attention, but now, even when I am really concentrating, I cannot seem to make any trip easy.

Rita (my co-worker/mother-in-law) and I had a meeting in Indianapolis at 6 pm yesterday at a building that is directly across from Keystone at the Crossing. I had been there once before for a training class, and I still had the computer print-out directions. Of course, me being me, I got lost the first time I went there, so I was a little leary about using the same directions again. Rita had directions using an alternative route, so we went with them. That was our first mistake.

We found all the main roads...the 65's, the 465's, the 70 East's...the trouble came when after we took our exit into Indy. The first direction says:

"Take the exit and turn right. Take the first right, past the cemetery sign."

Past the cemetery sign? I don't see a cemetery sign. I mean, is it big, small? What the hell am I looking for here? Well, needless to say, we found no sign, but our gut instinct told us to take the FIRST right, cemetery sign be damned!! That was our second mistake.

After driving on the ill fated right turn for awhile, Rita decided to call a friend of hers that lives in Indy.

"Hey, we're at Allisonville Road and 96th street. How do we get to Keystone at the Crossing?"
"Well, first, go South on Allisonville Road..."

Upon hearing that, I immediately cringed. South? You may as well tell me. "In order to get to your destination, multiply the moon's mass times the sun's gravitational pull, divided by the number of horses in China." Conclusion: I SUCK at directions. Tell me left, right, or 'go towards the buildings, not towards the interstate,' and I may find it, but SOUTH? No.

Well, luckily, we chose the right way (well, actually, Rita did) and we were on our way. We were instructed to go south on Allisonville Road, across the 465 overpass, and turn right on 86th. Travel until you see the Keystone at the Crossing signs, you can't miss it.

Our third mistake came a block before the 465 overpass, as we ran upon 86th street. There can't be two 86th streets, right? I turned right on 86th and ended up face to face with an apartment complex. I suggested we rent an apartment and try again in the morning...Rita declined.

We headed back in the other direction on 86th street. (Apparently, our phone-a-friend must have thought we were on the other side of the 465 overpass, meaning we went north instead of south, but that's just details, isn't it? After all, we found 86th street!!) We checked all the cross streets for Keystone...no Keystone, no Keystone, no Keystone...82 STREET?!? How the heck did we get to 82nd street. Even I with my lack of directional prowless knows you can't cross 82nd street from 86th street.

We turned around and headed back down 86th...apartments. Let's turn around...82nd street. What the hell, this is getting old...FAST. We call Rita's friend.

"We're on 82nd Street."
"How the hell did you get there?!?"
"Good question."
"Ok, get back on 86th, stop at the first gas station you see...and ask for directions, cause you're lost." CLICK

So much for the phone-a-friend.

We decided to heed the friend's advice and stop at the first gas station we saw. It was on 82nd and Allisonville. I went in and asked the clerk, who spoke in a perfect Jamaican accent, where Keystone at the Crossing was. He looked confused. Luckily, there was a customer who looked like a teenaged Allen Iverson , who stepped in and gave me directions.

" Turn left on 82nd. Take it past Chili's and Chick a Fila, you will run into Keystone at the Crossing..." then he added, "You can't miss it."

Obviously I can miss it, Allen, I've been missing it for 45 MINUTES!!

I took a quick left on 82nd, past Chili's, past Chick a Fila. I looked up and saw 82nd street was now 86th street again...go figure, crazy towns!! Then, we saw what we 'couldn't miss.' The sign for Keystone at the Crossing. We turned towards the buildings, found the right one and made it to the meeting...at 6:45. When the meeting was over at 7, we had a lot of explaining to do. I think all was forgiven...well, at least I still have my job!!

After we left, we decided to go to the Half Priced Book Store that was close (I went there once before after the previous training class.) Do I even need to tell you how long THAT took to find?