Wow, it's Friday and I somehow managed to make it through another week. Luckily for me, I only have to work Monday and Tuesday next week as it is vacation time!! Yeah! Since starting with this new company in August, I haven't had a vacation. That's like...um...80 months or something like that, so you can see I am in need.
So, Tuesday we embark on the epic journey across the US to South Dakota. Ah, sunny South Dakota, where the beaches beautifully overlook the ocean...what? No beaches? No oceans? Damn.
I am looking forward to seeing some of the most breathtaking sights...like Mount Rushmore. If you've never seen Mt Rushmore, do it. It's amazing. I saw it once when I was 11 and I still remember the overwheming feeling I got when I saw it then. Neato Mosquito.
You may ask: "Tony, what ever are you going to do to pass the time of such a long drive?"
Well, since you were kind enough to ask, I'll tell you. I made up this monster of a Music Quiz for Becky to take. I'm not talking, name the band who sings these 5 songs. GREAT, you got 4 of 5!! Yippie. I'm talking in your face, 65 page quiz emcompassing the sounds from the 60-today, including lead singers, guitarists, name that tune, etc. It's hard core, mo'fo's!!
I've been teaching Becky the in's and out's of rock for awhile, and I must say, she's gotten to be a very good student. Who else could tell you the 3 members of the Jimi Hendrix Experience?
Well,
I'm waiting...
I didn't think so
She has come a long. long way from not knowing what band Eddie Van Halen was in, to now knowing David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, Eddie and Alex Van Halen. I'm so proud. If you see her, ask her a music question, I'll bet she will know it.
Then, if we have extra time after the quiz, I might teach her the LP numbers for all the Beatles albums on Capitol records...T-2047 is Mono Meet the Beatles, ST-2047 is Stereo Meet the Beatles...muah, ha ha ha...welcome to my world, Becky!!!
Friday, July 30, 2004
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Vlad
Some people get nervous in crowds, some people don't like the color purple...I don't like animals. It's not so much I don't like them...I had a dog that I loved, and I currently have a cat...it's more I am afraid of them. Animals are the ultimate in confusion. I mean, seriously, they can't talk (with the exception of Parakeets, and they are just freaky anyway), and you don't know what they are thinking.
"Oh, look!! A Puppy!"
"Come a bit closer weird guy, I will bite your damn arm off!"
Well, yesterday, I was called over to investigate an animal sighting at work, in my office. I grabbed a broom handle and cautiously proceeded. I peeked around the corner, and there he was...a bat!
I know only a few things about bats.
1. They sleep upside down in caves.
2. Bat poop is called Guano (thank you Mr. Ace Ventura)
3. Bats are NOT attracted to light.
4. Bat bite = vampire
5. You can't catch a bat...with a pot. (Thank you Mr. Chris Farley)
Being a vampire would be kinda cool, but i'm kinda a weeny, and don't want to get bitten...that would hurt.
Anyway, I wasn't going anywhere near that sucker, so I started to retreat from where I came from. Then, like a bullet, Vlad sprung up and started flapping it's batty wings RIGHT AT ME! I don't think I need to tell you I was running for my life, screaming like a little girl, and holding my head so as to not be mauled by the vicious beast.
I managed to make it around the corner, as Vlad flew straight. But now I can't go anywhere in this whole building where it's dark, for fear that I will be attacked. I actually jumped when I was walking to the bathroom and saw a strip of black tape on the ground. And just a few minutes ago, a piece of black garbage bag remnent flopped from an open ceiling tile...I just about had a freakin' heart attack!!
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
"Oh, look!! A Puppy!"
"Come a bit closer weird guy, I will bite your damn arm off!"
Well, yesterday, I was called over to investigate an animal sighting at work, in my office. I grabbed a broom handle and cautiously proceeded. I peeked around the corner, and there he was...a bat!
I know only a few things about bats.
1. They sleep upside down in caves.
2. Bat poop is called Guano (thank you Mr. Ace Ventura)
3. Bats are NOT attracted to light.
4. Bat bite = vampire
5. You can't catch a bat...with a pot. (Thank you Mr. Chris Farley)
Being a vampire would be kinda cool, but i'm kinda a weeny, and don't want to get bitten...that would hurt.
Anyway, I wasn't going anywhere near that sucker, so I started to retreat from where I came from. Then, like a bullet, Vlad sprung up and started flapping it's batty wings RIGHT AT ME! I don't think I need to tell you I was running for my life, screaming like a little girl, and holding my head so as to not be mauled by the vicious beast.
I managed to make it around the corner, as Vlad flew straight. But now I can't go anywhere in this whole building where it's dark, for fear that I will be attacked. I actually jumped when I was walking to the bathroom and saw a strip of black tape on the ground. And just a few minutes ago, a piece of black garbage bag remnent flopped from an open ceiling tile...I just about had a freakin' heart attack!!
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Baseball, Target and the Wal Mart Mafia
This week has really been dragging. Not that I am wishing my life away, mind you, but it has. I guess it's because it is so dang hot and humid here in Corn Country. It's 97 degrees out now, and as any 200+ pound folks can tell you, that's hot.
I'm finally coming down from the pain Saturday layed on me. I still have stiff joints, slightly sore muscles and the occasional "giving out" of the right knee, but other than that I am perfect. I will start working out tonight, as to help correct these after-volleyball side effects.
I visited the new Target store today, and I must say it is excellent. I highly recommend giving your money to Target as opposed to Wal Mart, and if this is my last post, please call the police and tell them the Wal Mart Mafia probably did it. Not that the police would help you, as I am sure they are probably in cahoots.
I got a baseball in the mail today. It came packaged in a box surrounded by peanuts. Cool! Baseball and peanuts. Anyhoo, the peanuts were really good...nice and salty shells. I noticed the baseball had some residual salt from the peanuts. I must caution all of you out there...
NO MATTER HOW GOOD THE BASEBALL LOOKS, DO NOT LICK THE SALT OFF!!
Yuckers!! It really wasn't a good thing. I mean, really...who wants to lick salty balls? Not I.
I'm finally coming down from the pain Saturday layed on me. I still have stiff joints, slightly sore muscles and the occasional "giving out" of the right knee, but other than that I am perfect. I will start working out tonight, as to help correct these after-volleyball side effects.
I visited the new Target store today, and I must say it is excellent. I highly recommend giving your money to Target as opposed to Wal Mart, and if this is my last post, please call the police and tell them the Wal Mart Mafia probably did it. Not that the police would help you, as I am sure they are probably in cahoots.
I got a baseball in the mail today. It came packaged in a box surrounded by peanuts. Cool! Baseball and peanuts. Anyhoo, the peanuts were really good...nice and salty shells. I noticed the baseball had some residual salt from the peanuts. I must caution all of you out there...
NO MATTER HOW GOOD THE BASEBALL LOOKS, DO NOT LICK THE SALT OFF!!
Yuckers!! It really wasn't a good thing. I mean, really...who wants to lick salty balls? Not I.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Reality TV
When am I going to find time to finished my bathroom project? If I keep playing volleyball on the weekends, or spending the weekend with mom and dad, or playing golf, I will never get it done. I thought I would have plenty of time through the week to chip away at it (after work), but that just isn't working out. I come home, tired from the afternoon mail deliveries, and all I want to do is change clothes and relax on the new couch (which is SO awesome). Then, after a little lounging, I start to get my second wind, and it's dinner time...then that's over, clean up, and...tv time.
TV time, you ask?? While the summer is riddled with re-runs of all the favorites...CSI, ER, etc., it does bring forth REALITY TELEVISION!! Man, I am a reality junkie, straight up. It's sad when you plan stuff around reality shows...I ain't got no Tivo, so I either watch the show, or VHS, and I'm not too fond of VHS...
Monday night's line-up: For Love or Money, and Who Wants to Marry my Dad...not the best two in the world, but I have been sucked in.
Tuesday: Ah, Big Brother 5 and Amazing Race...my favorite day!
Wednesday: Simple Life
Thursday: Big Brother 5
Friday: Nothing, whew!!
Saturday: Big Brother 5
What's worse than watching 5 nights a week of reality television? Making strategies for each show. I have spent countless sleeping hours throwing back and forth different scenerios...
"Ok, if Mike was smart he wouldn't have shown his hand so soon. He should have gotten the girls and Will on his side against the Four Horseman alliance...and if the group was smart, they would have seen that it was Drew that ratted Mike's alliance out in the first place, equalling the fact that Scott, Jace and Drew at least were alligning..." UGH!!
It's worse when Survivor's on...mainly because I don't think the players on Survivor can count half the time. "Well, should I allign with Rob and Amber and be guaranteed 3rd, or should I go with these other 5 and vote those two off, and maybe be #1?? I think I'll vote with Rob and Amber."
MORON!!
Why do I hurt my head with all this, when I know half way through, Jeff Probst or Julie Chen is going to pop in and throw a curveball to the players, thus throwing my fool proof plan out the window, and making me re-think the whole game... I'm not all that sure. I guess I'm the moron...but I sure do love that reality tv!!
TV time, you ask?? While the summer is riddled with re-runs of all the favorites...CSI, ER, etc., it does bring forth REALITY TELEVISION!! Man, I am a reality junkie, straight up. It's sad when you plan stuff around reality shows...I ain't got no Tivo, so I either watch the show, or VHS, and I'm not too fond of VHS...
Monday night's line-up: For Love or Money, and Who Wants to Marry my Dad...not the best two in the world, but I have been sucked in.
Tuesday: Ah, Big Brother 5 and Amazing Race...my favorite day!
Wednesday: Simple Life
Thursday: Big Brother 5
Friday: Nothing, whew!!
Saturday: Big Brother 5
What's worse than watching 5 nights a week of reality television? Making strategies for each show. I have spent countless sleeping hours throwing back and forth different scenerios...
"Ok, if Mike was smart he wouldn't have shown his hand so soon. He should have gotten the girls and Will on his side against the Four Horseman alliance...and if the group was smart, they would have seen that it was Drew that ratted Mike's alliance out in the first place, equalling the fact that Scott, Jace and Drew at least were alligning..." UGH!!
It's worse when Survivor's on...mainly because I don't think the players on Survivor can count half the time. "Well, should I allign with Rob and Amber and be guaranteed 3rd, or should I go with these other 5 and vote those two off, and maybe be #1?? I think I'll vote with Rob and Amber."
MORON!!
Why do I hurt my head with all this, when I know half way through, Jeff Probst or Julie Chen is going to pop in and throw a curveball to the players, thus throwing my fool proof plan out the window, and making me re-think the whole game... I'm not all that sure. I guess I'm the moron...but I sure do love that reality tv!!
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Reoccuring Dreams
I had one of those dreams again last night. One of those dreams that reoccur, but you don't really know why. Usually, my reoccuring dream takes me back to one of the places I use to work, and in the dream, I am going BACK to work there, after having quit some years prior. Last night, I was going back to work at IGA, the grocery store I worked at when I was 15-18.
IGA held a lot of good, and not so good memories for me...good mostly because of the people, bad mostly because of everything else. The pay was lousy, the management sucked, the job was, well, would you like pushing 16 bags of groceries out to somebody's car when it's pouring down rain? Yeah, me either.
The ultimate parting of the IGA ways came after an employee meeting in which my cousin Scott and I were given a reaming by our boss, a real mouth of a guy, named Gary. Scott and I had both been recruited to work at the store by my brother, Andy, who had, at the point of the aforementioned meeting, wisely gotten out of the IGA circle. Scott and I had both worked at the store for better than 3 years, and we had climbed the rankings from rookie carry outs, to top dogs. We knew we were the best, because our names were first on the schedule...pretty impressive, I know...but no photos, and no autographs, please!!
Anyway, we had make our way up the ranks, and we were the idols of the newbies coming in. I guess that must have made ole Gary jealous. When meeting time came around, Gary starts in on us...
"Stuff just isn't getting done around here...shelves aren't getting straightened, and blah blah, I'm a 50 year old IGA employee and I'm bossing around 16 year olds, blah..."
Then he went on to say things weren't getting finished on the days WE worked!!
Screw it. Scott got up and made towards the door. I was right on his heels. We were two of the only people who did the work, and he's calling us out. What a joke!! I kept walking, Scott stayed behind and ripped Gary a new one, all the while calling out everyone in the meeting, making them admit we weren't at fault.
We clocked out, broke our time cards, and never returned...well, Scott went back some years later and did some night cleaning work there, I think, but I never went back...
Except in those dreams. Each time I am going back, and somehow, even though I should be ashamed that I am in my late twenties and I am going to work at IGA, I feel like I am the top dog again. I break through the line at the time clock, and punch in, chest extended.
"Hey, you can't clock in yet!! It's 7 til, and we can only clock in at 6 TIL!!"
"Shut up, pimple face, I can do what I want, I use to work here, and I know everything about the store, and you know nothing!!" Insert sinister laugh here.
Then, of course, the dream takes a turn for the worse. I go to the back room and I really DON'T know how to do anything. I walk around aimlessly as Pimple Face runs circles around me. Then, I go home. The dream continues, and I have the deep feeling that I should be at work, but I am skipping out...you know that feeling? I wake up thinking I was suppose to have worked at IGA yesterday, and I didn't even call in to say I wasn't coming in.
Then I remember it was a dream...and I know this because IGA (my first job) is no longer IGA...Kerasotes Cinema 5 (my 2nd job) is gone...KMart in the Burg, Gone...Union Bank, gone...the only job that I worked at which is still around is American Rental. I had that dream once, too...
Maybe the dreams are telling me to get a new job...go back to work at a previous job...maybe, they are saying I need to start learning some new stuff, because even the easy jobs I had are evolving, and if I don't catch up with the times, there will always be a Pimple Faced kid to take my place. Is there no justice in the world?
Monday, July 19, 2004
The Boob
I think it may be best if I did one of two things:
1. Stop playing volleyball
or
2. Get in a little bit better shape so volleyball doesn't tear me up so much.
I, at the last minute, decided to get a team in the BOOB tourney (Ballstown's Other Outdoor Ball...you sicko perverts). It is an annual tournament with Men's and Women's Quads on Saturday and Co-Ed Quads on Sunday. It's ran by a lady who I've played against for several years, so it's always nice to play in.
Well, I got the old team back together...Dad, Andy, Scott and me. I decided to just have some fun with the family. The only problem with this was none of us had played outdoor ball in two or three years (not to mention not having played period in at least two months). Then there are the physical things...Dad - needs a hip replacement, Andy - size, stamina, etc., Scott - not much physically wrong, Me - knees, out of shape BIG TIME, etc.
Sad thing is, Dad played as good or better than most of us. Scott did well, Andy was good (struggled passing a bit), and I passed well, but that was about it. We were off our game all day.
We played Wullenweber, Barton, Minger and Freak in the Semi-Finals, and got beat in three, the third game going 22-20. So close, but thank God we lost, because I was a gas tank on empty.
It was a fun time, though. It's always good to see all the old faces that I pretty much grew up with. Another plus was playing with the guys again. I know there won't be many more times we all take the court together. It makes me want to play USA Volleyball this year...kinda like a last hoorah for the team. But then again, If I feel like this after a tournament (which is BAD)...
Time to start working out.
1. Stop playing volleyball
or
2. Get in a little bit better shape so volleyball doesn't tear me up so much.
I, at the last minute, decided to get a team in the BOOB tourney (Ballstown's Other Outdoor Ball...you sicko perverts). It is an annual tournament with Men's and Women's Quads on Saturday and Co-Ed Quads on Sunday. It's ran by a lady who I've played against for several years, so it's always nice to play in.
Well, I got the old team back together...Dad, Andy, Scott and me. I decided to just have some fun with the family. The only problem with this was none of us had played outdoor ball in two or three years (not to mention not having played period in at least two months). Then there are the physical things...Dad - needs a hip replacement, Andy - size, stamina, etc., Scott - not much physically wrong, Me - knees, out of shape BIG TIME, etc.
Sad thing is, Dad played as good or better than most of us. Scott did well, Andy was good (struggled passing a bit), and I passed well, but that was about it. We were off our game all day.
We played Wullenweber, Barton, Minger and Freak in the Semi-Finals, and got beat in three, the third game going 22-20. So close, but thank God we lost, because I was a gas tank on empty.
It was a fun time, though. It's always good to see all the old faces that I pretty much grew up with. Another plus was playing with the guys again. I know there won't be many more times we all take the court together. It makes me want to play USA Volleyball this year...kinda like a last hoorah for the team. But then again, If I feel like this after a tournament (which is BAD)...
Time to start working out.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Softball
What the heck is wrong with me? You would think there would come a time in every lazy man's life, that he would hang up the kneepads, the glove, the goggles or whatever sports related item, and give up the game. But oh no, not this guy.
I have knees that are so bad, the sound of them bending makes Physical Therapists cringe, but yet, for some strange reason, I still agree to go out and play sports that I usually don't even play. Ok, I can definately be inticed to play golf (not hard on the knees), and I can usually be called upon to lace up the sneakers for a match or two of volleyball. But last night, I was talked into playing softball...yes, softball.
I played very limited baseball as a kid, mainly because I was a fat, lazy kid. When I got older, I took up volleyball, and I have devoted my time to that. I played my first game of softball when I was 22 or so. After I played two seasons, I gave it up...to play more volleyball, rest my knees, and because I'm lazy.
So dad calls me up and asks if I will sub for a guy he works with. He goes on to tell me *sob* that he would make the 8th and I the 9th...I hate to see a team forfeit, so I was in.
Since I am:
1. Slow
2. Have bad knees
3. Have bad eyes
4. Lazy
I was appointed the first baseman. (The only position I have ever played...except for the one time I was the short stop...HA!! That was a joke.) We batted first, and I was stuck in the 8th batting position, right in front of #9, Dad. We went down rather easy...easy enough that I didn't have to bat.
In the field, we got lit up like a Christmas tree...to the tune of 10 runs. Dad was pitching, and he was mad at himself for not pitching better. Come on, D, you loft a 5 inch round ball to a guy, and most of the time, he will hit it!! We got the third out, finally, and I had still not been a factor.
Ah, but I knew I was going to bat in the 2nd. 5, 6 and 7 all got up and got on...so I was up with bases juiced...I'll let Chris Berhman take over:
"Ah, hello sportsfans, we have a real doozy tonight. Up to bat for the Scrubs is Tony "Don't Call Me Gillesbian" Gillespie with the bases juiced. Here's the wind up...Gillespie is first ball swinging. *CRACK* OH, WHAT A SHOT!! He sent that baby flying to right...just past the outstretched glove of the first baseman. One run in, two runs...Tony is rumbling, stumblin, bumblin down the base path...he's SAFE AT FIRST!!"
Yes, my mighty stroke to the very outer edge of the infield scored 2...on the plus side, I made it to first without being thrown out, so that was nice. I made it to second on the next hit, and the next batter drove me in from second...I crossed home plate, breathing heavily, but satisfied.
I ended up the game 2-4...both hits to right field, in about the same place. The first time I got out was a shot to short, that the guy fielded cleanly and threw me out. The second, a long fly to the warning track that the left fielder had to make a jumping catch to save it from a home run...ok, it was a baby grounder to the pitcher, screw you!!
I had two hits come to me. I fielded one and missed one. BUT, I caught every ball that was thrown to me. I think that's pretty good.
We ended up losing 21-15...thank GOD because if we won, we would have had to play again...and then if we won that, a third game. With the way I feel today, I am glad we lost!! Now, if I can recoup enough for that volleyball tourney tomorrow...
I have knees that are so bad, the sound of them bending makes Physical Therapists cringe, but yet, for some strange reason, I still agree to go out and play sports that I usually don't even play. Ok, I can definately be inticed to play golf (not hard on the knees), and I can usually be called upon to lace up the sneakers for a match or two of volleyball. But last night, I was talked into playing softball...yes, softball.
I played very limited baseball as a kid, mainly because I was a fat, lazy kid. When I got older, I took up volleyball, and I have devoted my time to that. I played my first game of softball when I was 22 or so. After I played two seasons, I gave it up...to play more volleyball, rest my knees, and because I'm lazy.
So dad calls me up and asks if I will sub for a guy he works with. He goes on to tell me *sob* that he would make the 8th and I the 9th...I hate to see a team forfeit, so I was in.
Since I am:
1. Slow
2. Have bad knees
3. Have bad eyes
4. Lazy
I was appointed the first baseman. (The only position I have ever played...except for the one time I was the short stop...HA!! That was a joke.) We batted first, and I was stuck in the 8th batting position, right in front of #9, Dad. We went down rather easy...easy enough that I didn't have to bat.
In the field, we got lit up like a Christmas tree...to the tune of 10 runs. Dad was pitching, and he was mad at himself for not pitching better. Come on, D, you loft a 5 inch round ball to a guy, and most of the time, he will hit it!! We got the third out, finally, and I had still not been a factor.
Ah, but I knew I was going to bat in the 2nd. 5, 6 and 7 all got up and got on...so I was up with bases juiced...I'll let Chris Berhman take over:
"Ah, hello sportsfans, we have a real doozy tonight. Up to bat for the Scrubs is Tony "Don't Call Me Gillesbian" Gillespie with the bases juiced. Here's the wind up...Gillespie is first ball swinging. *CRACK* OH, WHAT A SHOT!! He sent that baby flying to right...just past the outstretched glove of the first baseman. One run in, two runs...Tony is rumbling, stumblin, bumblin down the base path...he's SAFE AT FIRST!!"
Yes, my mighty stroke to the very outer edge of the infield scored 2...on the plus side, I made it to first without being thrown out, so that was nice. I made it to second on the next hit, and the next batter drove me in from second...I crossed home plate, breathing heavily, but satisfied.
I ended up the game 2-4...both hits to right field, in about the same place. The first time I got out was a shot to short, that the guy fielded cleanly and threw me out. The second, a long fly to the warning track that the left fielder had to make a jumping catch to save it from a home run...ok, it was a baby grounder to the pitcher, screw you!!
I had two hits come to me. I fielded one and missed one. BUT, I caught every ball that was thrown to me. I think that's pretty good.
We ended up losing 21-15...thank GOD because if we won, we would have had to play again...and then if we won that, a third game. With the way I feel today, I am glad we lost!! Now, if I can recoup enough for that volleyball tourney tomorrow...
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
The Arby's Fiasco
You know what I can't stand (besides the items on the 25 Things I Hate list)? I can't stand when people tell me that I can't do something, or they question my motives on certain issues. For example:
A few years back, I was in the Burg, reffing a Women's Volleyball league for some extra Christmas scratch. When I finished, I decided to stop and get a bite to eat. Usually, the choice in the Burg boils down to Taco Bell and Arby's, as they are 2 of only a handful of fast foods in town, and both are places that Becky doesn't like, so I try to eat them on the occasions she's isn't around. Anyway, on that faithful night, Arby's got the nod.
The reason I chose Arby's was their advertising board that read: "5 Arby Melts for $5" Me being an Arby melt fan, and incredible cheap, made Arby's an easy choice. The plan was to get the 5 for 5, eat a few and eat the rest the next day for lunch. So I went into Arby's and was greeted by a High School aged blonde chick, ready to take my order.
"I'll take the 5 Arby melts, and a large Coke."
"Ok, 5 Arby Melts to go." the teen said into the microphone thingy.
"No, that's for here." I interjected. That's when things took an ominous turn for the worse. The blonde, flushed with confusion, muttered out "For here?" Yes, I told her, for here. She changed the command into the mic, and asked again "Are you sure, for here?"
DAMN IT!! Yes, I'm sure, I've never been so sure in my life!! 5 Arby Melts and a large Coke, FOR HERE!!
She rolled her eyes a bit and turned towards the food warmer rack. Melts started sliding down. Problem 2 soon arrived in the form of an overweight, porn stash sporting balding guy...the manager. The teen started to put my Melts on a tray, as requested, when fat boy grabbed the tray, and (right in front of me, in a not so quite tone) scolded the teen. "Surely these Melts are to GO, don't put them on a tray!!" She stood, speechless as the manager thrust the Melts into a to go sack.
"Hey," I said, "those are for here."
"5 Melts for here?" he said...here we go again.
"Yes, they are for here...you know, don't worry about the tray, I don't need it!!"
He slid me the bag, on a tray no less, and the Coke (which I had to fill myself, what a gip!). He asked me again if I was sure I wanted them for here, and I assured him, AGAIN, yes. I sat down, boiling mad at the fiasco (mostly because I HATE when managers yell at teenaged employees...unless they are screwing around.) I took the table right in front of the ordering line, and sat facing the crew. It was later in the eve, so no one was in the restaurant except me, the teen, Fatty McGee, and the cook. I starred at Fatty and one by one I took a sandwich, unwrapped it, and ate it, never breaking my stare. They both looked on, in awe of my eating prowless. Haven't they ever seen someone eat 5 melts before? Come on, by the look on their faces, you would think it was the Old 96'er from the Great Outdoors or something.
Truth be told, I was stuffed after 2 and a half, but I kept eating...and eating. 3 down, 4 down, 5 down...ugh, I felt like the kid on Stand By Me after the Pie eating contest...except the crew knew not to come near me chanting "lard ass, lard Ass, LARD ASS!!." And, I didn't send projectile vomit all over the place.
When I finshed my last melt (the last melt I'LL EVER EAT, by the way.) I took the five crumped wrappers on the tray and walked them to the front. I dropped the tray in front of the crew, passed one last stare, refilled the Coke, and left.
Needless to say, after the five melts, that was one of the WORST rides home I ever had!!
A few years back, I was in the Burg, reffing a Women's Volleyball league for some extra Christmas scratch. When I finished, I decided to stop and get a bite to eat. Usually, the choice in the Burg boils down to Taco Bell and Arby's, as they are 2 of only a handful of fast foods in town, and both are places that Becky doesn't like, so I try to eat them on the occasions she's isn't around. Anyway, on that faithful night, Arby's got the nod.
The reason I chose Arby's was their advertising board that read: "5 Arby Melts for $5" Me being an Arby melt fan, and incredible cheap, made Arby's an easy choice. The plan was to get the 5 for 5, eat a few and eat the rest the next day for lunch. So I went into Arby's and was greeted by a High School aged blonde chick, ready to take my order.
"I'll take the 5 Arby melts, and a large Coke."
"Ok, 5 Arby Melts to go." the teen said into the microphone thingy.
"No, that's for here." I interjected. That's when things took an ominous turn for the worse. The blonde, flushed with confusion, muttered out "For here?" Yes, I told her, for here. She changed the command into the mic, and asked again "Are you sure, for here?"
DAMN IT!! Yes, I'm sure, I've never been so sure in my life!! 5 Arby Melts and a large Coke, FOR HERE!!
She rolled her eyes a bit and turned towards the food warmer rack. Melts started sliding down. Problem 2 soon arrived in the form of an overweight, porn stash sporting balding guy...the manager. The teen started to put my Melts on a tray, as requested, when fat boy grabbed the tray, and (right in front of me, in a not so quite tone) scolded the teen. "Surely these Melts are to GO, don't put them on a tray!!" She stood, speechless as the manager thrust the Melts into a to go sack.
"Hey," I said, "those are for here."
"5 Melts for here?" he said...here we go again.
"Yes, they are for here...you know, don't worry about the tray, I don't need it!!"
He slid me the bag, on a tray no less, and the Coke (which I had to fill myself, what a gip!). He asked me again if I was sure I wanted them for here, and I assured him, AGAIN, yes. I sat down, boiling mad at the fiasco (mostly because I HATE when managers yell at teenaged employees...unless they are screwing around.) I took the table right in front of the ordering line, and sat facing the crew. It was later in the eve, so no one was in the restaurant except me, the teen, Fatty McGee, and the cook. I starred at Fatty and one by one I took a sandwich, unwrapped it, and ate it, never breaking my stare. They both looked on, in awe of my eating prowless. Haven't they ever seen someone eat 5 melts before? Come on, by the look on their faces, you would think it was the Old 96'er from the Great Outdoors or something.
Truth be told, I was stuffed after 2 and a half, but I kept eating...and eating. 3 down, 4 down, 5 down...ugh, I felt like the kid on Stand By Me after the Pie eating contest...except the crew knew not to come near me chanting "lard ass, lard Ass, LARD ASS!!." And, I didn't send projectile vomit all over the place.
When I finshed my last melt (the last melt I'LL EVER EAT, by the way.) I took the five crumped wrappers on the tray and walked them to the front. I dropped the tray in front of the crew, passed one last stare, refilled the Coke, and left.
Needless to say, after the five melts, that was one of the WORST rides home I ever had!!
The Brown Blur
In an average lifetime, how many times does one come close to dying? No, I don't consider missing lunch a "close call" even if you do think you are withering away to nothing. I am talking about those moments when if you were underwater for another minute, or if the bullet came one more centimeter to the left.
Of course, I'm hoping the answer is, "not very many." I experienced my first, and, knock on wood, hopefully my last not too long ago.
It was a beautiful day at work...ok, I'm trying to make work better, live with it...the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the faint smell of anti-freeze layed in the air. (Did I mention I work next to a factory?) I was walking next door to inquire on a shipping matter, whistling as I walked. To my left, a tall fence obscured my view of the mysteries of the loading area. As I walked along, I neared a break in the fence that acted as an entrance/exit for delivery vehicles. I approached the entrance without much thought. But as I lifted my foot to take the first step into the entrance, I was greeted with a brown blur whizzing past me, blowing my hair up and stopping my heart. They say your life flashes before your eyes...my life must be one brown blur.
The brown blur, a UPS truck speeding through at about 40 miles per, came within a foot of making a Tony-spot on the pavement. Left, gasping, I slowly composed myself, looked to make sure no more vehicles were coming on down...looked again...reminded myself to breathe...looked again...wiped the sweat from my brow...checked to make sure I didn't mess myself (whew, no stains)...looked for vehicles again...
After a 10 minute dance, I started to move. That truck was just a foot away. It's a scary thing.
A funny sidenote to that story...A couple of days later, my work had a delivery, and who happened to walk through the door? Ah, yes, the Mario Andretti of the UPS team. My eyes met his, and became large with excitement and rage. He looked at me, cocked his head, and, laughing no less, said: "Hey, you're the guy I almost mowed down the other day." Did I mention he was LAUGHING??!?!? What a dick! Hey, that was kinda funny when I almost killed you wasn't it? How's about we see if a kick to deez nutz is very funny! Who would be laughing then, Chuckles? Geez.
Well, I have to go Fed Ex some packages...later days.
Of course, I'm hoping the answer is, "not very many." I experienced my first, and, knock on wood, hopefully my last not too long ago.
It was a beautiful day at work...ok, I'm trying to make work better, live with it...the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the faint smell of anti-freeze layed in the air. (Did I mention I work next to a factory?) I was walking next door to inquire on a shipping matter, whistling as I walked. To my left, a tall fence obscured my view of the mysteries of the loading area. As I walked along, I neared a break in the fence that acted as an entrance/exit for delivery vehicles. I approached the entrance without much thought. But as I lifted my foot to take the first step into the entrance, I was greeted with a brown blur whizzing past me, blowing my hair up and stopping my heart. They say your life flashes before your eyes...my life must be one brown blur.
The brown blur, a UPS truck speeding through at about 40 miles per, came within a foot of making a Tony-spot on the pavement. Left, gasping, I slowly composed myself, looked to make sure no more vehicles were coming on down...looked again...reminded myself to breathe...looked again...wiped the sweat from my brow...checked to make sure I didn't mess myself (whew, no stains)...looked for vehicles again...
After a 10 minute dance, I started to move. That truck was just a foot away. It's a scary thing.
A funny sidenote to that story...A couple of days later, my work had a delivery, and who happened to walk through the door? Ah, yes, the Mario Andretti of the UPS team. My eyes met his, and became large with excitement and rage. He looked at me, cocked his head, and, laughing no less, said: "Hey, you're the guy I almost mowed down the other day." Did I mention he was LAUGHING??!?!? What a dick! Hey, that was kinda funny when I almost killed you wasn't it? How's about we see if a kick to deez nutz is very funny! Who would be laughing then, Chuckles? Geez.
Well, I have to go Fed Ex some packages...later days.
Jeopardy Genius
If you are at all interested in watching a tv show that makes you feel like the most dumbest, er, I mean stupidest person in the world, then I suggest Jeopardy. I remember watching as a kid, and getting excited when I got a couple questions right.
But, if you have watched at all in the month of June OR July, you will have seen what is either the biggest scandal since Quiz Show and the Martha Stewart stock fiasco, or what amounts to the smartest man to ever walk the face of the earth.
I'm talking about 30 day champion, $1,000,000 plus winning, Ken Jennings.
This guy has successfully answered over 1,000 questions, and has pocketed AN AVERAGE of 33 grand PER SHOW. On two occasions, he tied the one day Jeopardy record with 52,000!! Honestly, can anyone know that much about that much? Think about it:
6 catergories in Jeopardy, 6 in double Jeopardy. To you math wizards, that's 12 catergories per show. 5 questions per catergory = 60 questions per show. Times 30 shows = 1800 questions.
More telling is the fact that, in his current 30 day run, there have been 360 different catergories for him to have enough knowledge in to RIP his opponents new a-holes.
Theories abound that Jeopardy, in an obvious ratings push, slipped Ken the catergories, or GASP, the answers to the questions. My only problem with that is why do it Mid-Summer? Why not wait until sweeps and let the good times roll?
Whatever. He still has to have a spectaular memory even if he did get the answers. This guy is a genius.
But, if you have watched at all in the month of June OR July, you will have seen what is either the biggest scandal since Quiz Show and the Martha Stewart stock fiasco, or what amounts to the smartest man to ever walk the face of the earth.
I'm talking about 30 day champion, $1,000,000 plus winning, Ken Jennings.
This guy has successfully answered over 1,000 questions, and has pocketed AN AVERAGE of 33 grand PER SHOW. On two occasions, he tied the one day Jeopardy record with 52,000!! Honestly, can anyone know that much about that much? Think about it:
6 catergories in Jeopardy, 6 in double Jeopardy. To you math wizards, that's 12 catergories per show. 5 questions per catergory = 60 questions per show. Times 30 shows = 1800 questions.
More telling is the fact that, in his current 30 day run, there have been 360 different catergories for him to have enough knowledge in to RIP his opponents new a-holes.
Theories abound that Jeopardy, in an obvious ratings push, slipped Ken the catergories, or GASP, the answers to the questions. My only problem with that is why do it Mid-Summer? Why not wait until sweeps and let the good times roll?
Whatever. He still has to have a spectaular memory even if he did get the answers. This guy is a genius.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
25 Things I Hate
You know what I hate? Probably not...but I am going to tell you.
1. The number after 26
2. People who insist on saying that number even though they KNOW I don't like it.
3. Massages
4. Being slapped on the back
5. People talking to me when I'm eating my last bite of steak.
6. People starring at me when I'm eating the last bite of steak.
7. When people tell me the obvious: "you know you have a zit on your face?" No, I just happened not to see that huge mountain spring up, jack ass!!
8. The word Zit. Can't we just say blemish??
9. Phrases that have no meaning...like Whatty, and Crappy-doo
10. People who use un-real words to their young children. "What little Joey, you wantsy a bah-wah...oksey doksey!!" THE DAMN KID'S THREE, I THINK HE CAN SAY BOTTLE!!
11. People who don't correct kids who use bad grammar...not like saying "lay down" instead of "lie down" I mean the real obvious stuff..."I gots two of those." GOTS?!? That's not even a word!! Or..."I goes to the store with you." Or any sentence with the word "Ain't" in it.
12. Getting up early on a Saturday morning.
13. Losing a volleyball match to someone younger than me.
14. The fact that there is a U in four, a U in fourteen, but NO U IN FORTY!! What tha...?!?
15. Paying for something via cradit or debit card, and having the waitress call me "Anthony." I perfer "sir", "Mr. Gillespie," or "You Sexy mo'fo' You."
16. Waitresses that see your glass empty and ask you if you would like another drink. Don't ask me, just bring it!! If I want to drink it, I will, if not, I won't...how much does one serving of Coke cost, like .000008th of a cent? It's even worse when they ask if I want them to refill the water!!
17. People who try to tell me facts about subjects I know so well, I know they are wrong. "I heard John Lennon wrote 'Yesterday' about his ex-wife." You moron!! John Lennon didn't write Yesterday, Paul McCartney did...
18. Getting meaningless gifts. (although, due to my lazy ways, I have been known to give some of said gifts.)
19. Wal Mart
20. Radio stations the play the same songs 20 times a day. They take some good songs and decent bands and play them so much, I never want to listen to the band again. (sorry, Nickelback, Hootie, Matchbox 20, etc...)
21. Mark David Chapman (Listen to all of John Lennon's music and tell me he wouldn't have changed the world.)
22. Running
23. When something that is small and not well-known becomes popular. Example: Half-Priced Books (when I first stared going there, I bought Jimi Hendrix records for $5...now you can't even touch a Beatles record for less than $20.) Goodwill Store is another. Stuff use to be super cheap. Wanna buy a shirt? 5 cents...now, it's 2.50. What a shame.
24. Jealousy. There is just no place for it.
25. The color brown (except on leather.)
Ok, I could ramble all day, so I'll stop at 25.
1. The number after 26
2. People who insist on saying that number even though they KNOW I don't like it.
3. Massages
4. Being slapped on the back
5. People talking to me when I'm eating my last bite of steak.
6. People starring at me when I'm eating the last bite of steak.
7. When people tell me the obvious: "you know you have a zit on your face?" No, I just happened not to see that huge mountain spring up, jack ass!!
8. The word Zit. Can't we just say blemish??
9. Phrases that have no meaning...like Whatty, and Crappy-doo
10. People who use un-real words to their young children. "What little Joey, you wantsy a bah-wah...oksey doksey!!" THE DAMN KID'S THREE, I THINK HE CAN SAY BOTTLE!!
11. People who don't correct kids who use bad grammar...not like saying "lay down" instead of "lie down" I mean the real obvious stuff..."I gots two of those." GOTS?!? That's not even a word!! Or..."I goes to the store with you." Or any sentence with the word "Ain't" in it.
12. Getting up early on a Saturday morning.
13. Losing a volleyball match to someone younger than me.
14. The fact that there is a U in four, a U in fourteen, but NO U IN FORTY!! What tha...?!?
15. Paying for something via cradit or debit card, and having the waitress call me "Anthony." I perfer "sir", "Mr. Gillespie," or "You Sexy mo'fo' You."
16. Waitresses that see your glass empty and ask you if you would like another drink. Don't ask me, just bring it!! If I want to drink it, I will, if not, I won't...how much does one serving of Coke cost, like .000008th of a cent? It's even worse when they ask if I want them to refill the water!!
17. People who try to tell me facts about subjects I know so well, I know they are wrong. "I heard John Lennon wrote 'Yesterday' about his ex-wife." You moron!! John Lennon didn't write Yesterday, Paul McCartney did...
18. Getting meaningless gifts. (although, due to my lazy ways, I have been known to give some of said gifts.)
19. Wal Mart
20. Radio stations the play the same songs 20 times a day. They take some good songs and decent bands and play them so much, I never want to listen to the band again. (sorry, Nickelback, Hootie, Matchbox 20, etc...)
21. Mark David Chapman (Listen to all of John Lennon's music and tell me he wouldn't have changed the world.)
22. Running
23. When something that is small and not well-known becomes popular. Example: Half-Priced Books (when I first stared going there, I bought Jimi Hendrix records for $5...now you can't even touch a Beatles record for less than $20.) Goodwill Store is another. Stuff use to be super cheap. Wanna buy a shirt? 5 cents...now, it's 2.50. What a shame.
24. Jealousy. There is just no place for it.
25. The color brown (except on leather.)
Ok, I could ramble all day, so I'll stop at 25.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Big D Turns 55
What do you buy for your dad's 55th birthday? Well, if you're cheap like me, you get him a box of golf balls (the ones that were on sale, no less.) What kinda son am I? Geez!! The guy has done more for me than I could ever repay...not to mention he is the coolest guy I know, and I get him golf balls?!?!
Well, I did pay for him, Andy (my brother), Becky and I to play a round at Pine Hills Golf Course (an excellent 9 hole course in Versailles.) And I took him and mom out for lunch at the swank G-Burg eatery, Chili's. (Hey, that is SWANK for G-Burg!!) I got to spend a lot of time with him the past couple of days, and that, hopefully, is a nice gift for him...I know it was nice for me.
Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!
Well, I did pay for him, Andy (my brother), Becky and I to play a round at Pine Hills Golf Course (an excellent 9 hole course in Versailles.) And I took him and mom out for lunch at the swank G-Burg eatery, Chili's. (Hey, that is SWANK for G-Burg!!) I got to spend a lot of time with him the past couple of days, and that, hopefully, is a nice gift for him...I know it was nice for me.
Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Sit On It ?!?
What does "Sit on it" mean? You know what I'm talking about...the little phrase uttered at least once per show on the Happy Days.
Richie: "Are you going to the dance?"
Ralph Mouth: "If I can find someone to go with!"
Potsy: "I guess that's a no then!"
Ralph: "SIT ON IT, POTSY!"
(audience roars with laughter.)
What is it that Potsy should sit on, and why would that be a bad thing? I just don't get it...
Richie: "Are you going to the dance?"
Ralph Mouth: "If I can find someone to go with!"
Potsy: "I guess that's a no then!"
Ralph: "SIT ON IT, POTSY!"
(audience roars with laughter.)
What is it that Potsy should sit on, and why would that be a bad thing? I just don't get it...
El Switchero
Back in 1999, I worked at a bank in G-Burg. I worked in the Trust Department which consisted of myself and my boss, Dan. (Ok, I was a secretary, so what?) I really didn't have a clue as to what I was doing half the time, because the job was about 401(k)'s, stocks, IRA's and stuff like that and I was only 22 at the time. So, most of my days were spent answering phones, stuffing envelopes, and thinking of trivia questions to stump the boss with.
One faithful morning, Dan and I discovered the greatest invention of all-time...the internet (thank you very much, Mr. Gore.) More importantly, we found EBay. We checked EBay for all the essentials...LP's, sports memoribilia, and movies. Well, one movie caught Dan's eye...Dracula, the original version in Spanish. Why he was so nuts over the "Spanish" version when he wasn't Spanish, nor did he speak Sapnish, I'll never know. Anyhow, he bid on one, and won.
There were a lot of things Dan and I agreed on...but one topic always caused tensions to soar, and that topic was Jim Carrey. Dan HATED Jim Carrey with the passion of a dog in heat, and I thought he was pretty dern funny.
After a week or so, Dracula (in Spanish) arrived in the mail. Since I was the Secretary (ok, ok...this secretary stuff is killing me...let's say Trust Associate) Since I was the Trust Associate (yeah, that's the ticket!) I was in charge of gathering and prioritising the mail. When I saw the box from the Video Junction (or whatever the name of the place was) my master plan went into effect.
First, I carefully opened the Priority Mail package and slid Dracula from it's cardboard coffin. Next, I took a copy of Once Bitten starring our friend Mr Carrey and wrapped it with Saran Wrap, to give it that "New Movie" look. Then, I made a little sticker on the computer that read "Jim Carrey's Dracula movie... IN SPANISH!!" and stuck it to the outside of the box. I slipped the new movie into the box, double-sided tape, and wham-bo, ram-bo...an instant classic!!
I was expecting immediate gradification. Dan would open Dracula-fake, call me into his office and rant about his movie. That didn't happen. I waited for some response...nothing. Hours past...days past...then, after a week, I began to suspect my plan had backfired.
My mind raced...I know he figured it out, he knows I switched them and he's waiting to drop a bomb on me. Massive practical joke that involves me ending red faced.
So, I decided to give up the game. I walked into his office with the real Dracula behind my back. I sat down and asked him how Dracula in Spanish was.
Me: "So, Dan, I saw you got your Dracula in Spanish tape in the mail about a week ago...you never said anything about it. Was it ok?" *smirk*
Dan: "Eh, once I finally got it, it was good."
What's his game? Once he finally got it? I have it in my dirty little hands. He's playing me...
Me: "Oh...so anything weird about it?"
Dan: "No, not really." *smirk*
Did he just smirk? That son-of-a... He thinks he's smart now!!
Me: "Maybe I can come over and watch it with you?"
Dan: "Anytime. I was..."
I lost it. I knew I wouldn't win, so I pulled the movie from behind my back.
Me: "Looking for this?"
Dan: puzzled "Where's you get that from?"
Me: "The game is up, I switched the tape!"
Dan looked at me, still puzzled. He proceeded to ask what I meant by switched the tape, as his look switched slightly from puzzled to a combo angry/embarrassed.
I spilled the story...Once Bitten, Spanish sticker, double-sided tape. "You didn't know? Then how did you get the movie."
Apparently, upon receiving Once Bitten, Dan flew into a rage. He got the guy's number from an e-mail and proceeded to call Video Junction guy. After a half-hour of language that would make a sailor blush, Video Junction agreed to send another tape..."sorry for the mix-up, Dan, I really don't know how Once Bitten go into your shipment."
Me: "You cussed the guy out?"
Dan: ashamed "Yeah."
Yikes!! I guess double-sided tape is better at resealing a box than I thought!!
So, Video Junction guy who is now out two Spanish Dracula's (you thought Dan sent one back? ha ha!!) I would like to take the opportunity to apologize. Dan, if you're reading this, I WANT MY ONCE BITTEN TAPE BACK!!
One faithful morning, Dan and I discovered the greatest invention of all-time...the internet (thank you very much, Mr. Gore.) More importantly, we found EBay. We checked EBay for all the essentials...LP's, sports memoribilia, and movies. Well, one movie caught Dan's eye...Dracula, the original version in Spanish. Why he was so nuts over the "Spanish" version when he wasn't Spanish, nor did he speak Sapnish, I'll never know. Anyhow, he bid on one, and won.
There were a lot of things Dan and I agreed on...but one topic always caused tensions to soar, and that topic was Jim Carrey. Dan HATED Jim Carrey with the passion of a dog in heat, and I thought he was pretty dern funny.
After a week or so, Dracula (in Spanish) arrived in the mail. Since I was the Secretary (ok, ok...this secretary stuff is killing me...let's say Trust Associate) Since I was the Trust Associate (yeah, that's the ticket!) I was in charge of gathering and prioritising the mail. When I saw the box from the Video Junction (or whatever the name of the place was) my master plan went into effect.
First, I carefully opened the Priority Mail package and slid Dracula from it's cardboard coffin. Next, I took a copy of Once Bitten starring our friend Mr Carrey and wrapped it with Saran Wrap, to give it that "New Movie" look. Then, I made a little sticker on the computer that read "Jim Carrey's Dracula movie... IN SPANISH!!" and stuck it to the outside of the box. I slipped the new movie into the box, double-sided tape, and wham-bo, ram-bo...an instant classic!!
I was expecting immediate gradification. Dan would open Dracula-fake, call me into his office and rant about his movie. That didn't happen. I waited for some response...nothing. Hours past...days past...then, after a week, I began to suspect my plan had backfired.
My mind raced...I know he figured it out, he knows I switched them and he's waiting to drop a bomb on me. Massive practical joke that involves me ending red faced.
So, I decided to give up the game. I walked into his office with the real Dracula behind my back. I sat down and asked him how Dracula in Spanish was.
Me: "So, Dan, I saw you got your Dracula in Spanish tape in the mail about a week ago...you never said anything about it. Was it ok?" *smirk*
Dan: "Eh, once I finally got it, it was good."
What's his game? Once he finally got it? I have it in my dirty little hands. He's playing me...
Me: "Oh...so anything weird about it?"
Dan: "No, not really." *smirk*
Did he just smirk? That son-of-a... He thinks he's smart now!!
Me: "Maybe I can come over and watch it with you?"
Dan: "Anytime. I was..."
I lost it. I knew I wouldn't win, so I pulled the movie from behind my back.
Me: "Looking for this?"
Dan: puzzled "Where's you get that from?"
Me: "The game is up, I switched the tape!"
Dan looked at me, still puzzled. He proceeded to ask what I meant by switched the tape, as his look switched slightly from puzzled to a combo angry/embarrassed.
I spilled the story...Once Bitten, Spanish sticker, double-sided tape. "You didn't know? Then how did you get the movie."
Apparently, upon receiving Once Bitten, Dan flew into a rage. He got the guy's number from an e-mail and proceeded to call Video Junction guy. After a half-hour of language that would make a sailor blush, Video Junction agreed to send another tape..."sorry for the mix-up, Dan, I really don't know how Once Bitten go into your shipment."
Me: "You cussed the guy out?"
Dan: ashamed "Yeah."
Yikes!! I guess double-sided tape is better at resealing a box than I thought!!
So, Video Junction guy who is now out two Spanish Dracula's (you thought Dan sent one back? ha ha!!) I would like to take the opportunity to apologize. Dan, if you're reading this, I WANT MY ONCE BITTEN TAPE BACK!!
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Live Life to the Fullest
A lot of people say "Live life to the fullest."
Maybe my life is fullest when I'm laying on the couch.
Think about it this way:
Your Life: Busting your ace so that you can afford to travel to far off locations.
COST: Airfare, hotel, rental car, food, etc etc...$2000
My Life: Put in an almost stress-free 40, go home and WATCH far off locations on tv.
COST: Cable...monthly, $40.
You life: Bungee Jumping off of extremely high platforms, bridges, or the like.
My life: WATCHING someone else bungee jump (again, on tv), and having the satisfaction of being able to say, "I could do that, it's not that high," instead of really being there and crying like a little girl.
Your life: Going to do things and be in crowds and risk getting robbed, getting skin cancer from the sun, or dying via terroristic activity,
My life: Laying on the couch with Becky, watching reality tv and eating some Mac. Watching situations on tv that in real life would make me uncomfortable. Seeing the big cities as closely as I could in real life.
This Indiana boy has been to a lot of places: Hawaii, Nebraska, Wyoming, South Dakota, Illinois, Wisconsin, Tennessee, Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Canada, Pennsylvania, New York, etc. They are nice places. But i'd rather be with Becky, or mom and dad, or Andy, or my friends, than to leave.
Life is good...live it your own way. For me, I'll take the couch.
Maybe my life is fullest when I'm laying on the couch.
Think about it this way:
Your Life: Busting your ace so that you can afford to travel to far off locations.
COST: Airfare, hotel, rental car, food, etc etc...$2000
My Life: Put in an almost stress-free 40, go home and WATCH far off locations on tv.
COST: Cable...monthly, $40.
You life: Bungee Jumping off of extremely high platforms, bridges, or the like.
My life: WATCHING someone else bungee jump (again, on tv), and having the satisfaction of being able to say, "I could do that, it's not that high," instead of really being there and crying like a little girl.
Your life: Going to do things and be in crowds and risk getting robbed, getting skin cancer from the sun, or dying via terroristic activity,
My life: Laying on the couch with Becky, watching reality tv and eating some Mac. Watching situations on tv that in real life would make me uncomfortable. Seeing the big cities as closely as I could in real life.
This Indiana boy has been to a lot of places: Hawaii, Nebraska, Wyoming, South Dakota, Illinois, Wisconsin, Tennessee, Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Canada, Pennsylvania, New York, etc. They are nice places. But i'd rather be with Becky, or mom and dad, or Andy, or my friends, than to leave.
Life is good...live it your own way. For me, I'll take the couch.
Twin
Sometimes I wish I had a twin...most of the time, I just wish I could spend more time with my brother...
The Mac and Cheese Monster
Dinner is usually the best time of the day for me. Well, dinner and lunch. All of those who are "in the know" know that I love Mac and Cheese...Kraft...blue box, baby. Well, over the years, I have been known to graduate from a serving of Kraft, to two servings, to the whole dang box. Kraft Mac is truly the nectar of the Gods.
After years of full box servings, I finally found that someone special...and she also liked Kraft. Now I've got the blues. So, we split the Mac and I double up on the side items. Smoked Sausage, Hamburgers, Mashed Potatoes, tots of tater, etc. Both of us soon outgrew this arrangement, so now, when the big hunger arrives, we reach for Mac and Cheese "Deluxe." The box is slightly larger, and helps ease our hunger pains.
I thought this arrangement was working fine, apparently Becky (my someone special for those who don't know) had other thoughts. Last night, we decided to cook up some chicken filets, and endulge in some "Deluxe" Mac. To my surprise, Becky had bought "Deluxe FAMILY SIZE."
I was down with it, at first. After all, we are a family, and nowhere does it specify on the box that in order to fullfill the "Family" requirement, you have to have more than two people in said family.
Our normal size pots were too small to handle the massive portion, so we broke out the Spaghetti pot...and when the smoke cleared, the spaghetti pot was STUFFED with the orange nectar of the Gods.
Normal people would eat what they wanted and throw the extra away. I am not normal. I made a pact several years ago that "any Mac and Cheese I made would not be thrown away." If it meant eating til I was a Cheesy noodle, so be it. And now I sit starring into the bottomless Mac pit.
Damn you, pact!!
Becky, who so graciously created the monstrosity, helped herself to what would amount to a molehill next to the mountain before she declared "No mas." I was stuck, quivering behind a pact that never should have been uttered. What kinda fool makes a pact like that and doesn't put in the loophole about being able to throw some away "in the event the portion of Mac is BIGGER THAN MY HEAD."
The Mac engulfed me for what seemed like hours. The fork I fought the beast with soon turned to the "big" spoon, then, the small shovel you use to plant flowers, then the big shovel you use to remove trees...I shovelled the Mac in gloriuos gluttonous strides. I was determined that nothing was going to stop me...and nothing did.
I finished that box of Family Size Deluxe Mac. Why? Ain't no way the Mac is going to beat me!
SIDENOTE: I still feel the effects of the Mac. Maybe it did beat me after all. Is there a moral to all this? Yes. Never make a pact with the Mac!!
After years of full box servings, I finally found that someone special...and she also liked Kraft. Now I've got the blues. So, we split the Mac and I double up on the side items. Smoked Sausage, Hamburgers, Mashed Potatoes, tots of tater, etc. Both of us soon outgrew this arrangement, so now, when the big hunger arrives, we reach for Mac and Cheese "Deluxe." The box is slightly larger, and helps ease our hunger pains.
I thought this arrangement was working fine, apparently Becky (my someone special for those who don't know) had other thoughts. Last night, we decided to cook up some chicken filets, and endulge in some "Deluxe" Mac. To my surprise, Becky had bought "Deluxe FAMILY SIZE."
I was down with it, at first. After all, we are a family, and nowhere does it specify on the box that in order to fullfill the "Family" requirement, you have to have more than two people in said family.
Our normal size pots were too small to handle the massive portion, so we broke out the Spaghetti pot...and when the smoke cleared, the spaghetti pot was STUFFED with the orange nectar of the Gods.
Normal people would eat what they wanted and throw the extra away. I am not normal. I made a pact several years ago that "any Mac and Cheese I made would not be thrown away." If it meant eating til I was a Cheesy noodle, so be it. And now I sit starring into the bottomless Mac pit.
Damn you, pact!!
Becky, who so graciously created the monstrosity, helped herself to what would amount to a molehill next to the mountain before she declared "No mas." I was stuck, quivering behind a pact that never should have been uttered. What kinda fool makes a pact like that and doesn't put in the loophole about being able to throw some away "in the event the portion of Mac is BIGGER THAN MY HEAD."
The Mac engulfed me for what seemed like hours. The fork I fought the beast with soon turned to the "big" spoon, then, the small shovel you use to plant flowers, then the big shovel you use to remove trees...I shovelled the Mac in gloriuos gluttonous strides. I was determined that nothing was going to stop me...and nothing did.
I finished that box of Family Size Deluxe Mac. Why? Ain't no way the Mac is going to beat me!
SIDENOTE: I still feel the effects of the Mac. Maybe it did beat me after all. Is there a moral to all this? Yes. Never make a pact with the Mac!!
Cows are Moorific!!
So, the other day I was plopped down at the local Wendy's having myself a hamburger...well, actualy it was a double cheeseburger, and it was moorific!!...anyway, I was eating my double w/ cheese as us professional fast fooders call it, when I started to think about cows.
Ah, yes, the cow. A docile creature that produces my coveted double. But then my overactive mind started churning. How many cows can there possibly be in the world? Are we going to run out at some point? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying let's stop eating the cows...all I'm asking for is the truth. If cows are going to be gone in 50 years, I need to know this so I can order me another burger STAT!!
I know about the birds and the bees, and that a bull and a cow can come together and make beautiful music...BUT, think about this:
Think about the last time you went to a town larger than your backyard. Did they have a McDonalds? I'm betting they did...some towns have 2!! Some, GASP, have 3!! Can you imagine a town that big? Anyway, we know there are 50 states. Within those states, there are 19,355 "incorporated places" (i.e. city types places)...let's just say, for the sake of argument, that there are 20,000 McDonalds in the United States. (some cities have none, but remember...some have 3!!)
Ok, 20,000 McDonalds serving 100 hamburger patties (probably a low number) per day...20,000 x 100 = 2,000,000 (at least that's what the calculator says) And that number is PER DAY!!
One week = 14 million
One month (say...February, non leap year of course) = 56 million
One year = 730 MILLION hamburgers
And, kids, that doesn't count foreign factors, OR Burger King, Wendy's, Dairy Queen, Hardees, Jack in the Box, Steak N Shake (oh, wait...that's steak burgers...HEY THAT COMES FROM A COW, TOO!!), Applebee's, and all the other places, big and small, that serve burgers (which is every restaurant on the map, with the exception of specialty places...Italian, Greek, French, Fish places...actually Captain D's DOES have them...adding all those places, you get a yearly total of three-quarters of a GABILLION hamburgers!!
You get the picture.
I guess the next thing to know is...How many hamburgers can you make from one cow? Well, once you cut out meat for the steaks (don't even start me on the possibility of a world without Outback) and you cut out for the other cow meat products, like the tongue...you have hamburger. A cow probably weighs, I don't know, 500 pounds. Let's say you get 300 pounds of hamburger (come on, I'm guessing here, ok?)
one hamburger (if you average all the sizes, 1/4 lb, 1/2 pound, skimpy-wimpy patties, etc) = 1/4 pound.
One cow = 1200 patties (4 patties per pound of hamburger, right?)
730 million divided by 1200 = roughly 61,000 cows for McDonalds burgers alone!!!! Add those other places and you probably have half a million cows made into burgers PER YEAR!!
It kinda makes you wonder where all those cows are, or, for the more skeptical, what exactly is in hamburgers, cause that's a whole lotta cow! Maybe they throw in lips (do cows have lips?) and tongue and eye balls and blood and guts, spit and ass...who knows. Does it matter? They taste good. Just like hot dogs, which we all know are a cornicopia of foods (and non-foods).
Now my head hurts....I think I need to go get something to eat. Burgers maybe.
Ah, yes, the cow. A docile creature that produces my coveted double. But then my overactive mind started churning. How many cows can there possibly be in the world? Are we going to run out at some point? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying let's stop eating the cows...all I'm asking for is the truth. If cows are going to be gone in 50 years, I need to know this so I can order me another burger STAT!!
I know about the birds and the bees, and that a bull and a cow can come together and make beautiful music...BUT, think about this:
Think about the last time you went to a town larger than your backyard. Did they have a McDonalds? I'm betting they did...some towns have 2!! Some, GASP, have 3!! Can you imagine a town that big? Anyway, we know there are 50 states. Within those states, there are 19,355 "incorporated places" (i.e. city types places)...let's just say, for the sake of argument, that there are 20,000 McDonalds in the United States. (some cities have none, but remember...some have 3!!)
Ok, 20,000 McDonalds serving 100 hamburger patties (probably a low number) per day...20,000 x 100 = 2,000,000 (at least that's what the calculator says) And that number is PER DAY!!
One week = 14 million
One month (say...February, non leap year of course) = 56 million
One year = 730 MILLION hamburgers
And, kids, that doesn't count foreign factors, OR Burger King, Wendy's, Dairy Queen, Hardees, Jack in the Box, Steak N Shake (oh, wait...that's steak burgers...HEY THAT COMES FROM A COW, TOO!!), Applebee's, and all the other places, big and small, that serve burgers (which is every restaurant on the map, with the exception of specialty places...Italian, Greek, French, Fish places...actually Captain D's DOES have them...adding all those places, you get a yearly total of three-quarters of a GABILLION hamburgers!!
You get the picture.
I guess the next thing to know is...How many hamburgers can you make from one cow? Well, once you cut out meat for the steaks (don't even start me on the possibility of a world without Outback) and you cut out for the other cow meat products, like the tongue...you have hamburger. A cow probably weighs, I don't know, 500 pounds. Let's say you get 300 pounds of hamburger (come on, I'm guessing here, ok?)
one hamburger (if you average all the sizes, 1/4 lb, 1/2 pound, skimpy-wimpy patties, etc) = 1/4 pound.
One cow = 1200 patties (4 patties per pound of hamburger, right?)
730 million divided by 1200 = roughly 61,000 cows for McDonalds burgers alone!!!! Add those other places and you probably have half a million cows made into burgers PER YEAR!!
It kinda makes you wonder where all those cows are, or, for the more skeptical, what exactly is in hamburgers, cause that's a whole lotta cow! Maybe they throw in lips (do cows have lips?) and tongue and eye balls and blood and guts, spit and ass...who knows. Does it matter? They taste good. Just like hot dogs, which we all know are a cornicopia of foods (and non-foods).
Now my head hurts....I think I need to go get something to eat. Burgers maybe.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
KISS
There are a few things that everyone should experience at least once in their lives. Swim in the ocean...visit the Grand Canyon...see KISS in concert. It's not very often in today's music scene, that you find a band with the longevity and impact that KISS has had. (FYI...their first album was released in 1974)
THE ROAD TO KISS
Shannon, Toby and I headed to the concert early, so that we could grab a bite to eat before the show. Deciding where to eat was easy, as we all know when 3 guys get together and go out to eat, it is a FACT that you will get the guy waiter. Why this is could stand the test of time as one of the great mysteries. So, with that being the facts, we went to Hooters.
We were enjoying ourselves, I with my Ham and Cheese, Toby with his beer, and Shannon with his breast (chicken breat sandwich, that is...come to think of it, the sandwich did bear a stricking resemblence to breasts...) The evening was going great, and then, Shannon made the error of all errors...he said, don't worry, it's not going to rain.
Within what seemed like minutes, the downpour began. Rain hard enough to make the road disapear flooded down on us as we drove to Deercreek...er, I mean Verizon Music Center. And it rained, and it rained, and it rained. When we finally arrived, it was still raining. We were there a full hour early, so we decided to wait it out. A half hour later, the rain was all but gone.
LET THERE BE ROCK
ZO2 opened the show. They were an 80's sounding band that apparently had just signed a recording contract. They were alright, but not really my kind of music. (Why are you at a KISS/Poison concert if you don't like 80's music?) Poison was next, and they played all the hits, sounded great, and I enjoyed them.
Once Poison left the stage, the three of us began talking, looking around the crowd, observing the massive audience. We observed grey haired grannies, hard looking Harley riders, wheelchair bound people, even children (scattered amongst the pot smokers, and the "normal" people like us.)
To our left, there were 3 girls who were maybe old enough to drink...I say maybe, because they were drinking, but I'm not so sure they were suppose to be. They were wild girls, jumping and gyrating all night. After the opening band, another group of people rolled up next to them. A guy with his three kids (roughly 8-10 years old), who were decked out in their KISS make-up. After Poison performed, we noticed the dad standing with his back to the stage, camera in hand. I remember thinking "that's cool, he's taking a picture of his kids in the make-up."
So, as he's getting the shot ready, I turn my head to see his kids. Well, the kids were all posed for the shot, along with one of the gyrating girls, who was sitting in front of them, shirt lifted, boobs exposed!! What was that girl thinking, jumping in the shot? Oh, no...she was asked to pose...BY THE DAD!! That was quickly followed by gyrating girl #2 pulling her boobs out and proceeding to give the kids a second anatomy lesson.
Now, I don't have kids, but I can predict this guy isn't getting the Parent of the Year award anytime soon. Well, that coupled with the fact he lit up a joint when KISS took the stage. I'm just guessing, but I doubt that's what the Parents Association is looking for...
"OK, Mr. Smith, why should you be Parent of the Year? Ah, casual drug use around the kids, good, good...Have you exposed your 8 year old to nice teenaged titties yet? Ah, you have!! Great! Congratulations!!"
KISS TAKES FLIGHT
I had never seen a show with fire, explosions, and the likes, so this was a change. The band sounded great...very kick ass. Halfway through the show, with fire blazing, Gene Simmons started some funky, dark bass riff. Then he opened his mouth, oozed some blood, lifted his arms, and was wisked to the roof of the stage where, from a platform high above, he sang and played. That was the highlight for me...
They rocked through 17 songs, and then, during the last song of the night (Rock and roll all nite) the rain busted loose, absolutely drenching us. We almost made it...so much for Shannon's prediction.
Overall, it was worth it. If you haven't seen KISS in concert, do it...it just has to be done, for the sake of ROCK and ROLL. (Plus, they were really good, so it's worth it.)
THE ROAD TO KISS
Shannon, Toby and I headed to the concert early, so that we could grab a bite to eat before the show. Deciding where to eat was easy, as we all know when 3 guys get together and go out to eat, it is a FACT that you will get the guy waiter. Why this is could stand the test of time as one of the great mysteries. So, with that being the facts, we went to Hooters.
We were enjoying ourselves, I with my Ham and Cheese, Toby with his beer, and Shannon with his breast (chicken breat sandwich, that is...come to think of it, the sandwich did bear a stricking resemblence to breasts...) The evening was going great, and then, Shannon made the error of all errors...he said, don't worry, it's not going to rain.
Within what seemed like minutes, the downpour began. Rain hard enough to make the road disapear flooded down on us as we drove to Deercreek...er, I mean Verizon Music Center. And it rained, and it rained, and it rained. When we finally arrived, it was still raining. We were there a full hour early, so we decided to wait it out. A half hour later, the rain was all but gone.
LET THERE BE ROCK
ZO2 opened the show. They were an 80's sounding band that apparently had just signed a recording contract. They were alright, but not really my kind of music. (Why are you at a KISS/Poison concert if you don't like 80's music?) Poison was next, and they played all the hits, sounded great, and I enjoyed them.
Once Poison left the stage, the three of us began talking, looking around the crowd, observing the massive audience. We observed grey haired grannies, hard looking Harley riders, wheelchair bound people, even children (scattered amongst the pot smokers, and the "normal" people like us.)
To our left, there were 3 girls who were maybe old enough to drink...I say maybe, because they were drinking, but I'm not so sure they were suppose to be. They were wild girls, jumping and gyrating all night. After the opening band, another group of people rolled up next to them. A guy with his three kids (roughly 8-10 years old), who were decked out in their KISS make-up. After Poison performed, we noticed the dad standing with his back to the stage, camera in hand. I remember thinking "that's cool, he's taking a picture of his kids in the make-up."
So, as he's getting the shot ready, I turn my head to see his kids. Well, the kids were all posed for the shot, along with one of the gyrating girls, who was sitting in front of them, shirt lifted, boobs exposed!! What was that girl thinking, jumping in the shot? Oh, no...she was asked to pose...BY THE DAD!! That was quickly followed by gyrating girl #2 pulling her boobs out and proceeding to give the kids a second anatomy lesson.
Now, I don't have kids, but I can predict this guy isn't getting the Parent of the Year award anytime soon. Well, that coupled with the fact he lit up a joint when KISS took the stage. I'm just guessing, but I doubt that's what the Parents Association is looking for...
"OK, Mr. Smith, why should you be Parent of the Year? Ah, casual drug use around the kids, good, good...Have you exposed your 8 year old to nice teenaged titties yet? Ah, you have!! Great! Congratulations!!"
KISS TAKES FLIGHT
I had never seen a show with fire, explosions, and the likes, so this was a change. The band sounded great...very kick ass. Halfway through the show, with fire blazing, Gene Simmons started some funky, dark bass riff. Then he opened his mouth, oozed some blood, lifted his arms, and was wisked to the roof of the stage where, from a platform high above, he sang and played. That was the highlight for me...
They rocked through 17 songs, and then, during the last song of the night (Rock and roll all nite) the rain busted loose, absolutely drenching us. We almost made it...so much for Shannon's prediction.
Overall, it was worth it. If you haven't seen KISS in concert, do it...it just has to be done, for the sake of ROCK and ROLL. (Plus, they were really good, so it's worth it.)
Friday, July 02, 2004
Angry Rant #1
What is this world coming to, kids? It has slowly become a world lost. Caught up in "how can I get something from this world," instead of "how can I GIVE something for this world." I'm not much different. I don't recycle. I don't mow my grass after 6 pm. I don't drive an electric car.
But, regardless of all that, I try hard not to take advantage of people. I think it's a problem with today's society overall. Let's sue people at the drop of a dime.
Oh, no, McDonald's!! This coffe is HOT!! I'M GONNA SUE YOU... so Mcdonald's puts warning labels that their coffee is served hot so they won't get sued by the morons who expect cold coffee. ("What, no ice? You expect me to drink this coffee hot?")
Now, some other things are getting out of hand, as well. For example:
Parking for People with children, or expentant mothers. Yes, at the grocery store I had to walk an extra 2 car spaces because someone has a bun in the oven. Maybe I should throw a "Baby on Board" sign in the window of the convertible and park there.
How about: Braille on drive up ATM machines. Do I ready need to tell you how incredible scared I would be if a blind guy DROVE up to an ATM machine? Wow!
Ok, ok...so the Braille doesn't hurt me any, and I could stand to take the extra 10 steps at the grocery store. What's the point? The point is when we were kids, we had a dog. That dog went to the vet to get his new puppy shots, I don't know what they're called so let's say new puppy shots, ok? Then, we took him to get "fixed". That's it. And that dog lived a looong time.
Now, dogs need check ups, they need medication, they need EKG's and MRI's and CJF's (ok, I made that last thing up, but I bet if any vets are reading this, they are probably seeing dollar signs and within two years you will have me to thank for your dog's gout being caught because of my CJF suggestion.) I knew a guy whose dog had not one, but TWO MRI's on his knee, surgery on said knee, and...are you ready for this...A DOGGIE PHYSICAL THERAPIST!!
Wha...?? PT for a dog?!?! Are you kidding me? There are people living in the US who don't have insurance, who don't have homes, and we are spending money on dog PT? Where are the morals?
Ok, so I'm getting off the subject here. Grow up, get an education, get a job, help others, or at least take care of yourself without asking for a handout cause your coffe was *GASP* HOT!!
What we need is a simplier time, kids. A time where live was easy. Front porches entertained, tire swings entertained, people took care of people. Read Grapes of Wrath by John Steibeck and then complain to me about your damn hot coffee!!
But, regardless of all that, I try hard not to take advantage of people. I think it's a problem with today's society overall. Let's sue people at the drop of a dime.
Oh, no, McDonald's!! This coffe is HOT!! I'M GONNA SUE YOU... so Mcdonald's puts warning labels that their coffee is served hot so they won't get sued by the morons who expect cold coffee. ("What, no ice? You expect me to drink this coffee hot?")
Now, some other things are getting out of hand, as well. For example:
Parking for People with children, or expentant mothers. Yes, at the grocery store I had to walk an extra 2 car spaces because someone has a bun in the oven. Maybe I should throw a "Baby on Board" sign in the window of the convertible and park there.
How about: Braille on drive up ATM machines. Do I ready need to tell you how incredible scared I would be if a blind guy DROVE up to an ATM machine? Wow!
Ok, ok...so the Braille doesn't hurt me any, and I could stand to take the extra 10 steps at the grocery store. What's the point? The point is when we were kids, we had a dog. That dog went to the vet to get his new puppy shots, I don't know what they're called so let's say new puppy shots, ok? Then, we took him to get "fixed". That's it. And that dog lived a looong time.
Now, dogs need check ups, they need medication, they need EKG's and MRI's and CJF's (ok, I made that last thing up, but I bet if any vets are reading this, they are probably seeing dollar signs and within two years you will have me to thank for your dog's gout being caught because of my CJF suggestion.) I knew a guy whose dog had not one, but TWO MRI's on his knee, surgery on said knee, and...are you ready for this...A DOGGIE PHYSICAL THERAPIST!!
Wha...?? PT for a dog?!?! Are you kidding me? There are people living in the US who don't have insurance, who don't have homes, and we are spending money on dog PT? Where are the morals?
Ok, so I'm getting off the subject here. Grow up, get an education, get a job, help others, or at least take care of yourself without asking for a handout cause your coffe was *GASP* HOT!!
What we need is a simplier time, kids. A time where live was easy. Front porches entertained, tire swings entertained, people took care of people. Read Grapes of Wrath by John Steibeck and then complain to me about your damn hot coffee!!
Retiring?
Yesterday, I was watching ESPN, as I offen do in the spare minutes I have when Becky isn't around to tell me to turn the channel. Anyway, they were showing coverage of Wimbledon, and talking about how this may be the last Wimbledon for Lindsey Davenport.
To make a long story short, the analyst said Davenport was going to retire because "she doesn't care if she loses anymore. It doesn't bother her to lose." Wow, that hit me hard. As a guy who has played volleyball for 13 years, and has struggled to keep going with the pain of bad knees, it really made me think about things.
I am a hugely competetive guy. I love to give it all I have. But I can relate to what that analyst was saying. I don't mind losing anymore either...or do I? Maybe I'm not testing myself enough. Playing in some leagues where we always win like Ceraland (sorry Shannon)...the 4 team G-Burg men's league...
I still don't want to lose those leagues, but it's for reputation reasons more than "I want to win." When all else boils away, I think it comes more to love of the game, than it does winning or losing for me. I would rather play and lose, than not play. It's not really true that I don't mind losing. Against certain people, no, I don't. But when I play someone younger than me, I don't want to lose...It makes me feel like some cocky, punk kid thinks he better than me. (They may not even be cocky or punks). I also don't like losing to Shannon...(bragging rights).
So, Ms. Davenport, hang up your racket if the love's not there. I will continue to play at least until D retires...So I guess you all have to see me at least another 20 years!!
To make a long story short, the analyst said Davenport was going to retire because "she doesn't care if she loses anymore. It doesn't bother her to lose." Wow, that hit me hard. As a guy who has played volleyball for 13 years, and has struggled to keep going with the pain of bad knees, it really made me think about things.
I am a hugely competetive guy. I love to give it all I have. But I can relate to what that analyst was saying. I don't mind losing anymore either...or do I? Maybe I'm not testing myself enough. Playing in some leagues where we always win like Ceraland (sorry Shannon)...the 4 team G-Burg men's league...
I still don't want to lose those leagues, but it's for reputation reasons more than "I want to win." When all else boils away, I think it comes more to love of the game, than it does winning or losing for me. I would rather play and lose, than not play. It's not really true that I don't mind losing. Against certain people, no, I don't. But when I play someone younger than me, I don't want to lose...It makes me feel like some cocky, punk kid thinks he better than me. (They may not even be cocky or punks). I also don't like losing to Shannon...(bragging rights).
So, Ms. Davenport, hang up your racket if the love's not there. I will continue to play at least until D retires...So I guess you all have to see me at least another 20 years!!
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Instant Karma
Wouldn't you know it? I write about a bad radio experience with the Hoobastank song "The Reason", and karma bites me. I knew better than to bad mouth the song...
I went out after the Radio Hell post, got in the mail van, and started to cruise down the road. On comes a commercial. Well, let's flip through the presets. 1, commercial...2, commercial... 3, commercial...4, commercial...but here's where the Karma came in...5 Hoobastank, 6 HOOBASTANK!! HOLY CRAP!! The Hoob on 2 stations, commercials on 3?!!?
I had to turn the radio off again, this time I just had to laugh and accept that God is a Hoobastank fan, and apologize to the Hoob for the bad things I said about them.
You know, why is it that the songs you really love get played once or twice a week, but those Hoobs of the world get 2 stations at once?
Back in the day, when I was living in the Burg and travelling to Columbus for work, everyday, without fail, the same thing would happen. I would turn on the radio, flip around to find a good song, and when that song was over, without fail, the next song would be John Cougar Mellencamp.
I've never been a big Mellencamp fan, mainly because living in Indiana, you hear his songs ALL the time. He has some great tunes, but it's overkill, you know?
So, I would be flipping through, "Ah, 'Wind Cries Mary', Hendrix, sweet," (yes, I do talk to myself in the car, and I am particuarly fond of the word sweet.) Anyway, on comes Hendrix, I enjoy the song, jam to the solo...then "Pink Houses". Or "Sweet, Strawberry Fields, Beatles, bay-bee!!" and then "Jack and frickin Diane."
I'm not talking that happened once or twice, I'm talking everytime I got into the car, for four or five YEARS STRAIGHT!! Ok, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but it is pretty close to the truth. 75% of the time, and that's no joke!!
Needless to say, Mellencamp...not my favorite. But, I'm not going to bad mouth him, cause then BAM!! he would be on the radio every second song...right after The Hoob, probably.
I went out after the Radio Hell post, got in the mail van, and started to cruise down the road. On comes a commercial. Well, let's flip through the presets. 1, commercial...2, commercial... 3, commercial...4, commercial...but here's where the Karma came in...5 Hoobastank, 6 HOOBASTANK!! HOLY CRAP!! The Hoob on 2 stations, commercials on 3?!!?
I had to turn the radio off again, this time I just had to laugh and accept that God is a Hoobastank fan, and apologize to the Hoob for the bad things I said about them.
You know, why is it that the songs you really love get played once or twice a week, but those Hoobs of the world get 2 stations at once?
Back in the day, when I was living in the Burg and travelling to Columbus for work, everyday, without fail, the same thing would happen. I would turn on the radio, flip around to find a good song, and when that song was over, without fail, the next song would be John Cougar Mellencamp.
I've never been a big Mellencamp fan, mainly because living in Indiana, you hear his songs ALL the time. He has some great tunes, but it's overkill, you know?
So, I would be flipping through, "Ah, 'Wind Cries Mary', Hendrix, sweet," (yes, I do talk to myself in the car, and I am particuarly fond of the word sweet.) Anyway, on comes Hendrix, I enjoy the song, jam to the solo...then "Pink Houses". Or "Sweet, Strawberry Fields, Beatles, bay-bee!!" and then "Jack and frickin Diane."
I'm not talking that happened once or twice, I'm talking everytime I got into the car, for four or five YEARS STRAIGHT!! Ok, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but it is pretty close to the truth. 75% of the time, and that's no joke!!
Needless to say, Mellencamp...not my favorite. But, I'm not going to bad mouth him, cause then BAM!! he would be on the radio every second song...right after The Hoob, probably.
Radio Hell
Ok, so some of you are out there thinking..."I don't want to endlessly read about volleyball..." That's cool. I won't always write about volleyball, ya know? Remember the Timberlake post? Geez.
I thought I would throw one more post out there for you non-volleyballers.
I was driving the ole mail van down the road the other day. I had the tunes cranked up and my hair was blowing feverishly around by the air conditioning vent. The current tune had fininshed and the staion went to commercial. Well, I'm not a very loyal listener, and I am very impatient, so I start to cycle through the presets. We have 6 pre-sets on the van...5 for me, and one for my co-worker (and mother-in-law) Rita.
Preset one, commercial...preset two, commercial...preset 3, commercial...4 commercial, 5 commercial!! 6 of course is Rita's country station...
Geez!! What am I going to do?!!? So, I flip back and forth...Finally, one of the stations comes on, and it's that damn "The Reason" by Hoobastank (which is played more than any song EVER). Ugh, now I have to decide on the lesser of the two evils. Do I endure "The Reason", or do I keep flipping the stations. (keep in mind, I am impatient, but also lazy...and flipping is making me tired.)
This is the worst situation in the history of mail delivery. What do you do? 4 commercial bearing stations and a crappy song. I couldn't decide....
I turned the radio off. Silence is better than Hoobastank.
I thought I would throw one more post out there for you non-volleyballers.
I was driving the ole mail van down the road the other day. I had the tunes cranked up and my hair was blowing feverishly around by the air conditioning vent. The current tune had fininshed and the staion went to commercial. Well, I'm not a very loyal listener, and I am very impatient, so I start to cycle through the presets. We have 6 pre-sets on the van...5 for me, and one for my co-worker (and mother-in-law) Rita.
Preset one, commercial...preset two, commercial...preset 3, commercial...4 commercial, 5 commercial!! 6 of course is Rita's country station...
Geez!! What am I going to do?!!? So, I flip back and forth...Finally, one of the stations comes on, and it's that damn "The Reason" by Hoobastank (which is played more than any song EVER). Ugh, now I have to decide on the lesser of the two evils. Do I endure "The Reason", or do I keep flipping the stations. (keep in mind, I am impatient, but also lazy...and flipping is making me tired.)
This is the worst situation in the history of mail delivery. What do you do? 4 commercial bearing stations and a crappy song. I couldn't decide....
I turned the radio off. Silence is better than Hoobastank.
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES #1
I could wait until later to submit the #1 Greatest Volleyball Moment of all time...but why would I want to do that??
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#1: DROPPING THE A BOMB ON LUIGI
The crew (D, Andy and I) began our humble USVBA (United States Volleyball Association) career with Raft to Rafters...a team helmed by Rich Gold. Rich had his crew of Bruce Giggy, Bill Manler, and the Mackauly Culkin of volleyball...Miles Andrews.
Miles had college commitments for the first several tournaments, but when he finally showed, he was immediately inserted as the starting setter. The tournament was at the now defunct Circle City establishment in Indy. We were doing our mediocre norm. Rich was on strong side, Miles was setting and Andy (without a doubt our biggest hitter) was on weak side. Well, Miles was a creature of habit, and his habit was setting Rich. For 3, 4, 5 sets in a row, Miles set Rich in vain. Rich just couldn't get the ball down. Remember the fire in D's eyes when he smoked Sam Koester in #4? Well, Andy had the same look in his eyes. I know, I was on the sidelines when a time out was called and saw steam coming from Andy's hair, which was very long at the time.
In the time-out Rich was stomping, crying about something. D grabbed Miles and said "Set Andy the ball!!" Miles came up with a lame excuse about the passing, to which D took offense, because he was passing...and, of course, he let Miles know it.
The first play out of the huddle, Miles did what D asked. Andy jumped up and brought down the thunder. The "A Bomb" unleashed a viscious leather bomb onto the head of this little guy we called Luigi. The ball bounced off Luigi's head, went straight up, and busted out 2 flouresent light bulbs THROUGH a metal mesh cage! Yes, it bent that metal cage and busted out the lights.
Shards of glass rained onto the court. Everyone was running, except for Andy. He turned as the glass rained, flipped his hair back, looked straight at Miles, and said, simply, "I told you to set me the ball." Then he proceeded to sit down on the bench quietly until the glass was cleaned up, and play resumed.
I will never forget that. It was the most powerful hit I've ever seen.
HONORABLE MENTION
Since #5 wasn't really a volleyball play, I would like to add:
WESTVILLE - It was the first real tournament I played in as a kid with some High School friends. We played the defending champion Westville squad down to the wire. The whole gym stopped to watch us play. It was the largest crowd I ever played to. We lost, but it was like Rocky losing to Apollo Creed...
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#1: DROPPING THE A BOMB ON LUIGI
The crew (D, Andy and I) began our humble USVBA (United States Volleyball Association) career with Raft to Rafters...a team helmed by Rich Gold. Rich had his crew of Bruce Giggy, Bill Manler, and the Mackauly Culkin of volleyball...Miles Andrews.
Miles had college commitments for the first several tournaments, but when he finally showed, he was immediately inserted as the starting setter. The tournament was at the now defunct Circle City establishment in Indy. We were doing our mediocre norm. Rich was on strong side, Miles was setting and Andy (without a doubt our biggest hitter) was on weak side. Well, Miles was a creature of habit, and his habit was setting Rich. For 3, 4, 5 sets in a row, Miles set Rich in vain. Rich just couldn't get the ball down. Remember the fire in D's eyes when he smoked Sam Koester in #4? Well, Andy had the same look in his eyes. I know, I was on the sidelines when a time out was called and saw steam coming from Andy's hair, which was very long at the time.
In the time-out Rich was stomping, crying about something. D grabbed Miles and said "Set Andy the ball!!" Miles came up with a lame excuse about the passing, to which D took offense, because he was passing...and, of course, he let Miles know it.
The first play out of the huddle, Miles did what D asked. Andy jumped up and brought down the thunder. The "A Bomb" unleashed a viscious leather bomb onto the head of this little guy we called Luigi. The ball bounced off Luigi's head, went straight up, and busted out 2 flouresent light bulbs THROUGH a metal mesh cage! Yes, it bent that metal cage and busted out the lights.
Shards of glass rained onto the court. Everyone was running, except for Andy. He turned as the glass rained, flipped his hair back, looked straight at Miles, and said, simply, "I told you to set me the ball." Then he proceeded to sit down on the bench quietly until the glass was cleaned up, and play resumed.
I will never forget that. It was the most powerful hit I've ever seen.
HONORABLE MENTION
Since #5 wasn't really a volleyball play, I would like to add:
WESTVILLE - It was the first real tournament I played in as a kid with some High School friends. We played the defending champion Westville squad down to the wire. The whole gym stopped to watch us play. It was the largest crowd I ever played to. We lost, but it was like Rocky losing to Apollo Creed...
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES #2
Let's cut to the chase:
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#2: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS
The year was 1996, and the crew (D, Andy, and I) had branched away from our Raft to Rafters USVBA team, and formed our own crew. We added my cousin, Scott Crank, Terry Wullenweber, Bobby Brown, Larry Minger, and Don Barton.
I didn't realize how great that team would be. We won every tournament we played that year with a combination of young legs and the veteran leadership of D and the Batesville Crew. The most memorable moment, however, came in the final game of the Regionals.
We were playing Pepper Shak, a very strong team with whom we battled throughout the season. It was down to the wire. We had game point, and the serve. I was middle back, Andy was strong side, Scotty was the setter. For some strange reason, Pepper Shak decided to dink the ball...
It was strange because, why would you dink with me in the back row? (pat myself on the back.) I immediately broke for the ball, and with a full out diving stretch, threw down a full pancake. The ball popped up to a streaking Scott, who tossed a 5 out to Andy. The "A Bomb" detonated, and the Championship was ours. I let out a big scream as everyone rushed in for the celebration...
It always makes me happy to remember that play ended with a family attack...me to Scott to Andy. And the icing...D was right there with us.
Times have definately changed since those glory days...teams are tougher, you can set the serve, let serves, rally scoring, and the likes have all made it tougher. We won again in 98 with Hank Myers, Shannon Burch, Toby Paswater, and Joe Springmeyer...but the first time is always the greatest.
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#2: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS
The year was 1996, and the crew (D, Andy, and I) had branched away from our Raft to Rafters USVBA team, and formed our own crew. We added my cousin, Scott Crank, Terry Wullenweber, Bobby Brown, Larry Minger, and Don Barton.
I didn't realize how great that team would be. We won every tournament we played that year with a combination of young legs and the veteran leadership of D and the Batesville Crew. The most memorable moment, however, came in the final game of the Regionals.
We were playing Pepper Shak, a very strong team with whom we battled throughout the season. It was down to the wire. We had game point, and the serve. I was middle back, Andy was strong side, Scotty was the setter. For some strange reason, Pepper Shak decided to dink the ball...
It was strange because, why would you dink with me in the back row? (pat myself on the back.) I immediately broke for the ball, and with a full out diving stretch, threw down a full pancake. The ball popped up to a streaking Scott, who tossed a 5 out to Andy. The "A Bomb" detonated, and the Championship was ours. I let out a big scream as everyone rushed in for the celebration...
It always makes me happy to remember that play ended with a family attack...me to Scott to Andy. And the icing...D was right there with us.
Times have definately changed since those glory days...teams are tougher, you can set the serve, let serves, rally scoring, and the likes have all made it tougher. We won again in 98 with Hank Myers, Shannon Burch, Toby Paswater, and Joe Springmeyer...but the first time is always the greatest.
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES #3
Yes, Devo facing Sam Koester was one moment that still makes me giddy when I think about it. Here is #3:
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#3: DERBY FEST
Those of us with older siblings know that getting out from the shadow of said sibling can be a very difficult thing to do. I know this first hand, as I always felt inferior to my older brother, Andy, when it came to volleyball. (Of course, I am superior to him in all other ways, but I'll save that for another blog. ha ha).
Throughout my playing career, Andy was always "The Man". He won Player of the Year awards in USVBA, First team Outside Hitter, etc, etc...I won't go on, cause this post is about me, dang it!! Even though Andy was always "The Man", I knew I had some talent, but it was deep down inside. Then, there was Derby Fest, Louisville Kentucky, 1999 (I think).
Teri Cutter needed another guy for the day, and she called me up. I accepted. The team was Teri and Sammy Cutter, April McIntosh, Shannon Burch, Don Barton, Greg Richter and me. (Don, suffering with a bad knee, requested a 4th guy, in case he couldn't fininsh, if I am remembering corretly.)
We were doing well. A couple of close games, but nothing to write home about. Then, we got beat. It was a double elimination tourney, so our backs were against the wall. We really were playing stressed, and it showed. But then, the turning point in my entire career happened...thanks to April.
Confidence, I found, is a great thing. It makes a good player better, and a great player untouchable. I think Andy had it...but, being under his shadow, I lacked that confidence. We were getting beat, and April simply told me not to worry, to have fun, and a few other things that to this day I consider life changing. It was almost as if she removed the shadow from me, and I became the player and the man I am today.
I picked the team up. I was unstoppable at the net, and played viscious defense. Everyone else picked up their games, too, and the machine finally received some much needed oil. I felt like I could beat the world...
We won the game, beat the team twice in the finals, and I won my first trophy without Andy on the court. I know everyone played great, but it felt like I really stepped up and willed us to the victory. For the first time, I as "The Man."
Thanks, April.
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#2
More to come...
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#3: DERBY FEST
Those of us with older siblings know that getting out from the shadow of said sibling can be a very difficult thing to do. I know this first hand, as I always felt inferior to my older brother, Andy, when it came to volleyball. (Of course, I am superior to him in all other ways, but I'll save that for another blog. ha ha).
Throughout my playing career, Andy was always "The Man". He won Player of the Year awards in USVBA, First team Outside Hitter, etc, etc...I won't go on, cause this post is about me, dang it!! Even though Andy was always "The Man", I knew I had some talent, but it was deep down inside. Then, there was Derby Fest, Louisville Kentucky, 1999 (I think).
Teri Cutter needed another guy for the day, and she called me up. I accepted. The team was Teri and Sammy Cutter, April McIntosh, Shannon Burch, Don Barton, Greg Richter and me. (Don, suffering with a bad knee, requested a 4th guy, in case he couldn't fininsh, if I am remembering corretly.)
We were doing well. A couple of close games, but nothing to write home about. Then, we got beat. It was a double elimination tourney, so our backs were against the wall. We really were playing stressed, and it showed. But then, the turning point in my entire career happened...thanks to April.
Confidence, I found, is a great thing. It makes a good player better, and a great player untouchable. I think Andy had it...but, being under his shadow, I lacked that confidence. We were getting beat, and April simply told me not to worry, to have fun, and a few other things that to this day I consider life changing. It was almost as if she removed the shadow from me, and I became the player and the man I am today.
I picked the team up. I was unstoppable at the net, and played viscious defense. Everyone else picked up their games, too, and the machine finally received some much needed oil. I felt like I could beat the world...
We won the game, beat the team twice in the finals, and I won my first trophy without Andy on the court. I know everyone played great, but it felt like I really stepped up and willed us to the victory. For the first time, I as "The Man."
Thanks, April.
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#2
More to come...
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES #4
OK, Volleyball fans...I couldn't leave you hanging.
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#4: D GETS JIGGY ON SAM KOESTER
D (aka Devo, Dave, or simply Dad) has been playing volleyball since his Senior year at Bedrock High School, so this guy is hard core, and very old school.
We were playing the Greensburg League, sometime in the late 90's. We, of course being D, Andy, Scott, me...and an assorted crew. Our opponents: Joe Moorman, Bobby Brown (not related to the rapper), a couple other guys, and Sam Koester.
At this point, D had already played volleyball for 25+ years, and his spring wasn't as good as it use to be. Still, the players on our team knew he was one damn fine player, and capable of making the big play when needed.
The game was tight. D was on strong side, ready. The set went out to him, and we all heard what was to be a fatal mistake coming from across the court. Joe Moorman apparently didn't get the memo that D was one bad mo' fo', as he cried from across the net "WATCH THE DINK!!"
I couldn't see D's eyes, but I bet they were fire...pure and simple, fire. D sprung to the net, threw his body in the air and delivered a facial to poor Sam Koester, who was making his way up the line to cover the dink that Joe had so poorly predicted. The ball shot across the gym as the sound reverberated in the air.
D turned to his estatic team, and with the fire still in his eyes, he looked back at the net, looked at Joe, and declared:
"Dink that you Son of a bitch!!"
We taped that match, and have watched the play a thousand times...pure fire, I tell ya!
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#3
More to come...
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#4: D GETS JIGGY ON SAM KOESTER
D (aka Devo, Dave, or simply Dad) has been playing volleyball since his Senior year at Bedrock High School, so this guy is hard core, and very old school.
We were playing the Greensburg League, sometime in the late 90's. We, of course being D, Andy, Scott, me...and an assorted crew. Our opponents: Joe Moorman, Bobby Brown (not related to the rapper), a couple other guys, and Sam Koester.
At this point, D had already played volleyball for 25+ years, and his spring wasn't as good as it use to be. Still, the players on our team knew he was one damn fine player, and capable of making the big play when needed.
The game was tight. D was on strong side, ready. The set went out to him, and we all heard what was to be a fatal mistake coming from across the court. Joe Moorman apparently didn't get the memo that D was one bad mo' fo', as he cried from across the net "WATCH THE DINK!!"
I couldn't see D's eyes, but I bet they were fire...pure and simple, fire. D sprung to the net, threw his body in the air and delivered a facial to poor Sam Koester, who was making his way up the line to cover the dink that Joe had so poorly predicted. The ball shot across the gym as the sound reverberated in the air.
D turned to his estatic team, and with the fire still in his eyes, he looked back at the net, looked at Joe, and declared:
"Dink that you Son of a bitch!!"
We taped that match, and have watched the play a thousand times...pure fire, I tell ya!
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#3
More to come...
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES #5
I've played volleyball since I was 13. That's a long time (not as long as Big D has played, but you get the picture.) I was sitting here, trying to remember the best moment in my career of the sport, and I found it hard to narrow down to just one. So, I submit to you, dear readers:
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#5. SHOWDOWN AND THROWDOWN
In my illustrious career, it seems one thing is constant: My team is always getting in confrontations with the opposing teams. Verbal barages, fighting, if you will. The first real fight I can remember, came at the Columbus Armory. We were playing co-ed sixes, Me, Andy and Dad...
Our opponent: Jeff Case
ROUND 1: Jeff Case has a knack for running his trap, and D had more than he cared to take. (I have a feeling Andy's mouth had something to do with this, also...we Gillespie's stick up for our own.) Well, needless to say, D started feeding Jeff's verbal diarrhea back to him. Jeff started walking towards us, grabbed the net and propped it on top of his head, as if to say, "Let's go!!"
D was ready to throw down. Andy and I had to grab him and physically restrain him from knocking ole Jeff's dick in the dirt.
I recall another time things got heated.
ROUND 2: This time, the setting was Indianapolis. White River State Park Games 1996. Some Jamoak from one of the other teams was non-stop running his mouth. Well, my team was giving it back, of course. After the game, while D and I were jawing with this guy (I believe D's quote was..."I was reading the rule book when you were still shitting green...") my cousin, Scott Crank snuck up behind the guy, put his arm around him, starred him straight in the eye, and made off with a "Anytime you wanna go outside, let's go!" I believe the guy quickly stopped talking and retreated.
ROUND 3: Capitol...USVBA match. Again, some guy was running his mouth the whole game. At one point, he even moved the dividing net to help his team play a ball. We (big shocker) got pissed about it. The verbal barage was so heated, it ended with this guy calling D a name. Did I mention we Gillespie's take care of our own? Well, Shannon Burch and I took off under the net at the guy...he was just too fast for us, and the situation died down before we could catch him.
ROUND 4: Capitol again...USVBA match. That damn Hawaiian/Oriental looking guy was reffing, and he just plain sucked. The whole team was on him, except the team captain...D. Finally, D had enough and went, in a calm tone, and asked him what his call was. Dumb mo'fo' looked at D and screamed "SHUT UP!!" Once again, us Gillespie's take care of our own. I ripped into this guy with every swear word I could come up with, and then I started towards him...determined to rip him down off the ladder and tear him a new one. I was held back, he ran...long story short, no fisticuffs.
(Important sidenote: We've never actually came to any blows. Just talk.)
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#4
More to come...
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#5. SHOWDOWN AND THROWDOWN
In my illustrious career, it seems one thing is constant: My team is always getting in confrontations with the opposing teams. Verbal barages, fighting, if you will. The first real fight I can remember, came at the Columbus Armory. We were playing co-ed sixes, Me, Andy and Dad...
Our opponent: Jeff Case
ROUND 1: Jeff Case has a knack for running his trap, and D had more than he cared to take. (I have a feeling Andy's mouth had something to do with this, also...we Gillespie's stick up for our own.) Well, needless to say, D started feeding Jeff's verbal diarrhea back to him. Jeff started walking towards us, grabbed the net and propped it on top of his head, as if to say, "Let's go!!"
D was ready to throw down. Andy and I had to grab him and physically restrain him from knocking ole Jeff's dick in the dirt.
I recall another time things got heated.
ROUND 2: This time, the setting was Indianapolis. White River State Park Games 1996. Some Jamoak from one of the other teams was non-stop running his mouth. Well, my team was giving it back, of course. After the game, while D and I were jawing with this guy (I believe D's quote was..."I was reading the rule book when you were still shitting green...") my cousin, Scott Crank snuck up behind the guy, put his arm around him, starred him straight in the eye, and made off with a "Anytime you wanna go outside, let's go!" I believe the guy quickly stopped talking and retreated.
ROUND 3: Capitol...USVBA match. Again, some guy was running his mouth the whole game. At one point, he even moved the dividing net to help his team play a ball. We (big shocker) got pissed about it. The verbal barage was so heated, it ended with this guy calling D a name. Did I mention we Gillespie's take care of our own? Well, Shannon Burch and I took off under the net at the guy...he was just too fast for us, and the situation died down before we could catch him.
ROUND 4: Capitol again...USVBA match. That damn Hawaiian/Oriental looking guy was reffing, and he just plain sucked. The whole team was on him, except the team captain...D. Finally, D had enough and went, in a calm tone, and asked him what his call was. Dumb mo'fo' looked at D and screamed "SHUT UP!!" Once again, us Gillespie's take care of our own. I ripped into this guy with every swear word I could come up with, and then I started towards him...determined to rip him down off the ladder and tear him a new one. I was held back, he ran...long story short, no fisticuffs.
(Important sidenote: We've never actually came to any blows. Just talk.)
TONY'S TOP 5 GREATEST VOLLEYBALL MEMORIES OF THE PAST 13 YEARS
#4
More to come...
Timberlake
J.T. -- The big Timberlake, Co-Founder of "Tittygate" at the SuperBowl with Miss Jackson (cause I'm Nasty)...
Yes, I admit, I have the CD. I've listened to the CD. I actually enjoy more than a few of the tracks on the CD. But one thing has bothered me since ole Justinerino went solo...
(First, Jules, if you are reading this, sorry for the repeated story...you may want to skip to another post.)
Rock Your Body. Very catchy tune.
"Don't be so quick to, walk away,
Come on and dance with me.
I'm gonna rock your body,
???"
What does he say here?? Ah, up there with the mysteries of the world...Stonehenge, The Meaning of Life, Why we can't eat just one...is the mystery of this musical lyric.
Let's think about it:
"I'm gonna rock your body, Tresume..." Nah
"I'm gonna rock your body, Ham and eggs..." Nope
"I'm gonna rock your body, Mayonayse..." I think not
"I'm gonna rock your body, tween the legs..." COVER THE KID'S EYES!!
So, I slap it in a Google search, knowing I will never figure the mystery myself. I find the lyrics and the winning line is:
Drumroll Please...
"I'm gonna rock your body,
MAYONASE!!
Ok, so it's PLEASE STAY...I still think Mayonase would be better, but that's just because I'm hungry.
While we're on the subject, why would he even have to say please? All he would have to do is look in a girls direction, give them the come hither stare, and watch the drool commense. I don't know many girls who would resist that, heck, I am not so sure I could resist that, and I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that.) Face it, kids, Timberlake is one damn good looking fella.
Damn, now I feel icky...Pam Anderson, Halle Berry, Carmen Electra...ok, that aughta do it.
more later...
Yes, I admit, I have the CD. I've listened to the CD. I actually enjoy more than a few of the tracks on the CD. But one thing has bothered me since ole Justinerino went solo...
(First, Jules, if you are reading this, sorry for the repeated story...you may want to skip to another post.)
Rock Your Body. Very catchy tune.
"Don't be so quick to, walk away,
Come on and dance with me.
I'm gonna rock your body,
???"
What does he say here?? Ah, up there with the mysteries of the world...Stonehenge, The Meaning of Life, Why we can't eat just one...is the mystery of this musical lyric.
Let's think about it:
"I'm gonna rock your body, Tresume..." Nah
"I'm gonna rock your body, Ham and eggs..." Nope
"I'm gonna rock your body, Mayonayse..." I think not
"I'm gonna rock your body, tween the legs..." COVER THE KID'S EYES!!
So, I slap it in a Google search, knowing I will never figure the mystery myself. I find the lyrics and the winning line is:
Drumroll Please...
"I'm gonna rock your body,
MAYONASE!!
Ok, so it's PLEASE STAY...I still think Mayonase would be better, but that's just because I'm hungry.
While we're on the subject, why would he even have to say please? All he would have to do is look in a girls direction, give them the come hither stare, and watch the drool commense. I don't know many girls who would resist that, heck, I am not so sure I could resist that, and I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that.) Face it, kids, Timberlake is one damn good looking fella.
Damn, now I feel icky...Pam Anderson, Halle Berry, Carmen Electra...ok, that aughta do it.
more later...
In Da House -- An Intro
If you are here, then you must be either really bored or family. Either way, hello!! My name is Tony and I live in Columbus, Indiana. I was born in the "Destination Between Destinations", Greensburg, Indiana. I'll tell ya, I sure wish I was back there, too, sometimes. I'm not exactly what you call a big city kinda guy. I would rather kick back in the small time.
I'm going to keep the introduction short and sweet, because, let's face it, I'm not that interesting. I do, however, have some funny anticdotes I would like to share with you...keep reading...
T
I'm going to keep the introduction short and sweet, because, let's face it, I'm not that interesting. I do, however, have some funny anticdotes I would like to share with you...keep reading...
T
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