The Brown Blur

In an average lifetime, how many times does one come close to dying? No, I don't consider missing lunch a "close call" even if you do think you are withering away to nothing. I am talking about those moments when if you were underwater for another minute, or if the bullet came one more centimeter to the left.

Of course, I'm hoping the answer is, "not very many." I experienced my first, and, knock on wood, hopefully my last not too long ago.

It was a beautiful day at work...ok, I'm trying to make work better, live with it...the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the faint smell of anti-freeze layed in the air. (Did I mention I work next to a factory?) I was walking next door to inquire on a shipping matter, whistling as I walked. To my left, a tall fence obscured my view of the mysteries of the loading area. As I walked along, I neared a break in the fence that acted as an entrance/exit for delivery vehicles. I approached the entrance without much thought. But as I lifted my foot to take the first step into the entrance, I was greeted with a brown blur whizzing past me, blowing my hair up and stopping my heart. They say your life flashes before your eyes...my life must be one brown blur.

The brown blur, a UPS truck speeding through at about 40 miles per, came within a foot of making a Tony-spot on the pavement. Left, gasping, I slowly composed myself, looked to make sure no more vehicles were coming on down...looked again...reminded myself to breathe...looked again...wiped the sweat from my brow...checked to make sure I didn't mess myself (whew, no stains)...looked for vehicles again...

After a 10 minute dance, I started to move. That truck was just a foot away. It's a scary thing.

A funny sidenote to that story...A couple of days later, my work had a delivery, and who happened to walk through the door? Ah, yes, the Mario Andretti of the UPS team. My eyes met his, and became large with excitement and rage. He looked at me, cocked his head, and, laughing no less, said: "Hey, you're the guy I almost mowed down the other day." Did I mention he was LAUGHING??!?!? What a dick! Hey, that was kinda funny when I almost killed you wasn't it? How's about we see if a kick to deez nutz is very funny! Who would be laughing then, Chuckles? Geez.

Well, I have to go Fed Ex some packages...later days.