Vlad

Some people get nervous in crowds, some people don't like the color purple...I don't like animals.  It's not so much I don't like them...I had a dog that I loved, and I currently have a cat...it's more I am afraid of them.  Animals are the ultimate in confusion.  I mean, seriously, they can't talk (with the exception of Parakeets, and they are just freaky anyway), and you don't know what they are thinking.

"Oh, look!!  A Puppy!"
"Come a bit closer weird guy, I will bite your damn arm off!"

Well, yesterday, I was called over to investigate an animal sighting at work, in my office.  I grabbed a broom handle and cautiously proceeded.  I peeked around the corner, and there he was...a bat!

I know only a few things about bats.

1.  They sleep upside down in caves.
2.  Bat poop is called Guano (thank you Mr. Ace Ventura)
3.  Bats are NOT attracted to light.
4.  Bat bite = vampire
5.  You can't catch a bat...with a pot. (Thank you Mr. Chris Farley)

Being a vampire would be kinda cool, but i'm kinda a weeny, and don't want to get bitten...that would hurt. 

Anyway, I wasn't going anywhere near that sucker, so I started to retreat from where I came from.  Then, like a bullet, Vlad sprung up and started flapping it's batty wings RIGHT AT ME!  I don't think I need to tell you I was running for my life, screaming like a little girl, and holding my head so as to not be mauled by the vicious beast.

I managed to make it around the corner, as Vlad flew straight.  But now I can't go anywhere in this whole building where it's dark, for fear that I will be attacked.  I actually jumped when I was walking to the bathroom and saw a strip of black tape on the ground.  And just a few minutes ago, a piece of black garbage bag remnent flopped from an open ceiling tile...I just about had a freakin' heart attack!!

I don't know how much more of this I can take.