Softball

What the heck is wrong with me?  You would think there would come a time in every lazy man's life, that he would hang up the kneepads, the glove, the goggles or whatever sports related item, and give up the game.  But oh no, not this guy.
 
I have knees that are so bad, the sound of them bending makes Physical Therapists cringe, but yet, for some strange reason, I still agree to go out and play sports that I usually don't even play.  Ok, I can definately be inticed to play golf (not hard on the knees),  and I can usually be called upon to lace up the sneakers for a match or two of volleyball.  But last night, I was talked into playing softball...yes, softball.
 
I played very limited baseball as a kid, mainly because I was a fat, lazy kid.  When I got older, I took up volleyball, and I have devoted my time to that.  I played my first game of softball  when I was 22 or so.  After I played two seasons, I gave it up...to play more volleyball, rest my knees, and because I'm lazy. 
 
So dad calls me up and asks if I will sub for a guy he works with.  He goes on to tell me *sob* that he would make the 8th and I the 9th...I hate to see a team forfeit, so I was in. 
 
Since I am:
1. Slow
2. Have bad knees
3. Have bad eyes
4. Lazy
I was appointed the first baseman.  (The only position I have ever played...except for the one time I was the short stop...HA!!  That was a joke.)  We batted first, and I was stuck in the 8th batting position, right in front of #9, Dad.  We went down rather easy...easy enough that I didn't have to bat.
 
In the field, we got lit up like a Christmas tree...to the tune of 10 runs.  Dad was pitching, and he was mad at himself for not pitching better.  Come on, D, you loft a 5 inch round ball to a guy, and most of the time, he will hit it!!  We got the third out, finally, and I had still not been a factor.
 
Ah, but I knew I was going to bat in the 2nd.  5, 6 and 7 all got up and got on...so I was up with bases juiced...I'll let Chris Berhman take over:
 
"Ah, hello sportsfans, we have a real doozy tonight.  Up to bat for the Scrubs is Tony "Don't Call Me Gillesbian" Gillespie with the bases juiced.  Here's the wind up...Gillespie is first ball swinging.  *CRACK* OH, WHAT A SHOT!!  He sent that baby flying to right...just past the outstretched glove of the first baseman.  One run in, two runs...Tony is rumbling, stumblin, bumblin down the base path...he's SAFE AT FIRST!!"
 
Yes, my mighty stroke to the very outer edge of the infield scored 2...on the plus side, I made it to first without being thrown out, so that was nice.  I made it to second on the next hit, and the next batter drove me in from second...I crossed home plate, breathing heavily, but satisfied.
 
I ended up the game 2-4...both hits to right field, in about the same place.  The first time I got out was a shot to short, that the guy fielded cleanly and threw me out.  The second, a long fly to the warning track that the left fielder had to make a jumping catch to save it from a home run...ok, it was a baby grounder to the pitcher, screw you!!
 
I had two hits come to me.  I fielded one and missed one.  BUT, I caught every ball that was thrown to me.  I think that's pretty good.
 
We ended up losing 21-15...thank GOD because if we won, we would have had to play again...and then if we won that, a third game.  With the way I feel today, I am glad we lost!!  Now, if I can recoup enough for that volleyball tourney tomorrow...