Cows are Moorific!!

So, the other day I was plopped down at the local Wendy's having myself a hamburger...well, actualy it was a double cheeseburger, and it was moorific!!...anyway, I was eating my double w/ cheese as us professional fast fooders call it, when I started to think about cows.

Ah, yes, the cow. A docile creature that produces my coveted double. But then my overactive mind started churning. How many cows can there possibly be in the world? Are we going to run out at some point? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying let's stop eating the cows...all I'm asking for is the truth. If cows are going to be gone in 50 years, I need to know this so I can order me another burger STAT!!

I know about the birds and the bees, and that a bull and a cow can come together and make beautiful music...BUT, think about this:

Think about the last time you went to a town larger than your backyard. Did they have a McDonalds? I'm betting they did...some towns have 2!! Some, GASP, have 3!! Can you imagine a town that big? Anyway, we know there are 50 states. Within those states, there are 19,355 "incorporated places" (i.e. city types places)...let's just say, for the sake of argument, that there are 20,000 McDonalds in the United States. (some cities have none, but remember...some have 3!!)

Ok, 20,000 McDonalds serving 100 hamburger patties (probably a low number) per day...20,000 x 100 = 2,000,000 (at least that's what the calculator says) And that number is PER DAY!!

One week = 14 million
One month (say...February, non leap year of course) = 56 million
One year = 730 MILLION hamburgers

And, kids, that doesn't count foreign factors, OR Burger King, Wendy's, Dairy Queen, Hardees, Jack in the Box, Steak N Shake (oh, wait...that's steak burgers...HEY THAT COMES FROM A COW, TOO!!), Applebee's, and all the other places, big and small, that serve burgers (which is every restaurant on the map, with the exception of specialty places...Italian, Greek, French, Fish places...actually Captain D's DOES have them...adding all those places, you get a yearly total of three-quarters of a GABILLION hamburgers!!

You get the picture.

I guess the next thing to know is...How many hamburgers can you make from one cow? Well, once you cut out meat for the steaks (don't even start me on the possibility of a world without Outback) and you cut out for the other cow meat products, like the tongue...you have hamburger. A cow probably weighs, I don't know, 500 pounds. Let's say you get 300 pounds of hamburger (come on, I'm guessing here, ok?)

one hamburger (if you average all the sizes, 1/4 lb, 1/2 pound, skimpy-wimpy patties, etc) = 1/4 pound.

One cow = 1200 patties (4 patties per pound of hamburger, right?)

730 million divided by 1200 = roughly 61,000 cows for McDonalds burgers alone!!!! Add those other places and you probably have half a million cows made into burgers PER YEAR!!

It kinda makes you wonder where all those cows are, or, for the more skeptical, what exactly is in hamburgers, cause that's a whole lotta cow! Maybe they throw in lips (do cows have lips?) and tongue and eye balls and blood and guts, spit and ass...who knows. Does it matter? They taste good. Just like hot dogs, which we all know are a cornicopia of foods (and non-foods).

Now my head hurts....I think I need to go get something to eat. Burgers maybe.