El Switchero

Back in 1999, I worked at a bank in G-Burg. I worked in the Trust Department which consisted of myself and my boss, Dan. (Ok, I was a secretary, so what?) I really didn't have a clue as to what I was doing half the time, because the job was about 401(k)'s, stocks, IRA's and stuff like that and I was only 22 at the time. So, most of my days were spent answering phones, stuffing envelopes, and thinking of trivia questions to stump the boss with.

One faithful morning, Dan and I discovered the greatest invention of all-time...the internet (thank you very much, Mr. Gore.) More importantly, we found EBay. We checked EBay for all the essentials...LP's, sports memoribilia, and movies. Well, one movie caught Dan's eye...Dracula, the original version in Spanish. Why he was so nuts over the "Spanish" version when he wasn't Spanish, nor did he speak Sapnish, I'll never know. Anyhow, he bid on one, and won.

There were a lot of things Dan and I agreed on...but one topic always caused tensions to soar, and that topic was Jim Carrey. Dan HATED Jim Carrey with the passion of a dog in heat, and I thought he was pretty dern funny.

After a week or so, Dracula (in Spanish) arrived in the mail. Since I was the Secretary (ok, ok...this secretary stuff is killing me...let's say Trust Associate) Since I was the Trust Associate (yeah, that's the ticket!) I was in charge of gathering and prioritising the mail. When I saw the box from the Video Junction (or whatever the name of the place was) my master plan went into effect.

First, I carefully opened the Priority Mail package and slid Dracula from it's cardboard coffin. Next, I took a copy of Once Bitten starring our friend Mr Carrey and wrapped it with Saran Wrap, to give it that "New Movie" look. Then, I made a little sticker on the computer that read "Jim Carrey's Dracula movie... IN SPANISH!!" and stuck it to the outside of the box. I slipped the new movie into the box, double-sided tape, and wham-bo, ram-bo...an instant classic!!

I was expecting immediate gradification. Dan would open Dracula-fake, call me into his office and rant about his movie. That didn't happen. I waited for some response...nothing. Hours past...days past...then, after a week, I began to suspect my plan had backfired.

My mind raced...I know he figured it out, he knows I switched them and he's waiting to drop a bomb on me. Massive practical joke that involves me ending red faced.

So, I decided to give up the game. I walked into his office with the real Dracula behind my back. I sat down and asked him how Dracula in Spanish was.

Me: "So, Dan, I saw you got your Dracula in Spanish tape in the mail about a week ago...you never said anything about it. Was it ok?" *smirk*

Dan: "Eh, once I finally got it, it was good."

What's his game? Once he finally got it? I have it in my dirty little hands. He's playing me...

Me: "Oh...so anything weird about it?"

Dan: "No, not really." *smirk*

Did he just smirk? That son-of-a... He thinks he's smart now!!

Me: "Maybe I can come over and watch it with you?"

Dan: "Anytime. I was..."

I lost it. I knew I wouldn't win, so I pulled the movie from behind my back.

Me: "Looking for this?"

Dan: puzzled "Where's you get that from?"

Me: "The game is up, I switched the tape!"

Dan looked at me, still puzzled. He proceeded to ask what I meant by switched the tape, as his look switched slightly from puzzled to a combo angry/embarrassed.

I spilled the story...Once Bitten, Spanish sticker, double-sided tape. "You didn't know? Then how did you get the movie."

Apparently, upon receiving Once Bitten, Dan flew into a rage. He got the guy's number from an e-mail and proceeded to call Video Junction guy. After a half-hour of language that would make a sailor blush, Video Junction agreed to send another tape..."sorry for the mix-up, Dan, I really don't know how Once Bitten go into your shipment."

Me: "You cussed the guy out?"

Dan: ashamed "Yeah."

Yikes!! I guess double-sided tape is better at resealing a box than I thought!!

So, Video Junction guy who is now out two Spanish Dracula's (you thought Dan sent one back? ha ha!!) I would like to take the opportunity to apologize. Dan, if you're reading this, I WANT MY ONCE BITTEN TAPE BACK!!